Her birthday is coming. .. She should be 8. This should be a celebration. She loved her birthday. I loved her birthday.
But now I am dreading it. Terribly. No balloons to blow up.. no birthday chair to decorate.. no candles to blow out. . No presents.
No joy. No happy..
But she deserves more that that. She is worth celebrating.
you hear me sissy?
Only 6 years we got with her. A friend recently emailed me. About preparing for her soon to be 8 year olds birthday. We went to this girls 6th birthday party shortly before Jennifer was diagnosed. Our friend stumbled across the wrapping paper she had used for a game at that party.. And she was hit.. a rake to the face moment. That damn wrapping paper is still here.. but my dauhter isn’t.
And its not ok. Its not fair.
I don’t get to celebrate with her.. never again in this lifetime of mine. My surviving kids lose out on our favorite birthday tradition.. Staying up late to decorate the house for each other the night before their birthday.
We all are missing out.
But she deserves better. Just 6 years we got. Every single one worth celebrating..
So we will. This month we start a strong effort “For THEM because of HER.” I can’t celebrate with her.. But I can honor her with my survivng kids. So I will and I would be honored if you joined me.
She should be 8. So I commit to 8 days.. 8 moments.. 8 times I will do for THEM because of HER. I will get out the paints and let them paint their faces.
8 times sissy..8 times i promise you..
It’s the only shot I have of making it through the upcoming months.
She truly was filled up by bringing joy to other people.. It was a piece of what made her shine.. her ability to bring out the sparkle in other people.
Its the only gift I can give her. To have her help me still.. help me be a better mommy to them. She loved to make her little brothers and baby sister smile. Nothing in life made her happier. I can give her.. give them all that.
I owe her that. I owe them that. .. maybe .. maybe I even owe me that too. Because I fought so hard to get to her.. to be a mommy. ..maybe even I deserve it too.
for them jennifer lynn.
..until there is a cure..