..its her ring…

There was this ring. The most precious ring I have ever owned. More than my wedding ring or engagement ring.. This ring that I once had. I wrote about a few times before..

I bought a bag full of costume jewelry for Jennifer at a garage sale. A little while later she showed me that it had a grown up ring in it.  I slipped in on and it perfectly fit me. It had 5 bumps down the middle. I kissed it and her.. and told her it represented the 5 loves of my life. My 4 children (one of which was still growing in my tummy) and their Daddy.

A picture of us right around the time she gave it to me.
A picture of us right around the time she gave it to me.

I loved it immediately. And she loved me wearing it. But it was always hers.. she was allowing me to wear it. So every once in awhile she would take it back. The first time I thought it might be forever and I have to admit I was a little sad I loved the ring. But then within about 10 minutes she gave it back.

And that became a “thing” for us. She would ask for it back.. I would pout and say ok but she always gave it back to me.

For the days and nights she lay dying in my arms I wondered about it. . and a friend took it from me to try and get it dipped and strengthened. It had worn so thin.. I knew it would eventually break. Then we found out that couldn’t be done. .. I remember feeling defeated hearing that. That I would again just have to sit.. and wait.. and watch something else break out of my life.

the ring2

It sounds so silly and dramatic .. but I loved the ring. I loved what it meant to me and Jennifer. How it was just so perfectly us. A gift for her from a garage sale.. and a gift for me.. but she was still in charge of it!

After she died I got a image of it tattooed on the same finger I wore it on.. to be ready for it to break one day. I have gone in for it 4 times and need at least one more to make it really stay… but I love it.

When it was time to bury her I was wearing the ring. I also had a mold of it we had made ..  I planned on burying her with that plastic mold.

But when it came time .. I couldn’t do it. I just knew I should give her the real thing. For her to return to me again one day.. And I sobbed. The hardest I cried that day laying most of her ashes in the box that will hold them forever was placing that ring beside her urn. Not the plastic mold but the real one.

her ring

I kept almost doing it but pulling it back out before I laid it down. I remember looking up at Tony shaking my head no.. over and over again. Begging him silently to save me. To make none of this real. But he couldn’t. He started to say “If you want to know what I think you shouldn…”but I cut him off I didn’t want to hear him say it. Because I knew I had to give it to her.. to send it with her.

I knew that one day she would return it to me like always.. but this would be a much longer wait… the longest wait .. until she greets me again when its my time.

The tiny little box was sealed and almost immediately I regretted it. Scared of what I had done. But within a few days my hands adjusted to the nakedness.. although I still at times before bed go to take off that phantom ring. I knew I had made the right choice.. and eventually when I got to see her again she would give me that ring.

.. Its Jennifer’s ring and she gets to give it me.

A few days ago I got a email. I didn’t tell anybody.. And today a package came from Karen.. the writer of that email.  I opened it with my 4 living loves and again, one little one in my belly..

…With a laugh and cry.. and a sprinkling of pride.. I again remember. Its Jennifers ring and SHE gets to give it me.

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A woman whom I have never met, from across the country.. happened upon this ring and bought it and mailed it to me. Jonathan just stared at it. Stunned and silent.. his eyes so open and so deep. He seemed to be absorbing so much in those moments. I shared with them all the story of the ring and their sister. Nicholas asked to try it on. And Tony and I both just looked at each other.. tears rolling down both of our cheeks.

It’s so Jennifer. Her terms. Her way.. and one helluva secret. I can almost imagine how she was spinning happily around hair spread out all around her, head thrown back laughing and laughing.

i knew you would give it back to me

i never imagined like this

right now

without you in my arms

thank you jennifer lynn

oh thank you

thank you

thankyou

 

the ring5…until there is a cure…

55 Responses to “..its her ring…”

  1. I’ve never met you, but have followed your blog for quite a long time. You are very inspirational and I have tremendous respect for you and your family. How wonderful that Karen did this for you, a gesture that represents the good people and the love that still exists in this crazy world. Thank you for sharing your story with so many of us. I believe Jennifer and your family will always be in my heart.

  2. Ha! What an excellent story! And the perfect photo of the angelic secret-keeper, Jennifer! Oh, what a love she is, and how wonderful that God is Love and knows just what you need to move forward. I close my eyes smiling for you tonight. Rest well, Libby……sweet dreams.

  3. Oh Libby, I have had Jennifer on my mind all night. Then I saw your post. What an awesome gift. I’m sure Jennifer had something to do with this special gift.
    What an awesome sign from her. I can just imagine her spinning around and smiling. I know you will treasure the ring. I’m so happy that thoughtful woman from across the country made your day. Thinking of you all and praying for that cure with Jennifer’s help. Sending lots of hugs and love to all.

    Love, Noni

  4. Perfectly perfect! What an amazing girl she is..that Jennifer of yours. From everything I have read, tradition is a big thing with her and your family. What a beautiful sign from her, as she is probably holding that unborn child until that baby’s birthday 🙂 Very very special….thank you for sharing!

  5. This is just PERFECT! I know Jennifer did all of this. She got it back to you in the time that she thought was perfect!

  6. GOD IS GOOD! GOD IS REAL! HEAVEN IS FOR REAL! Reading this blog this morning have given me chills that will not go away! I have already shared this story with my friends and family and they are all in awe! Her glitter is spreading and it is sure sticking!!!! I feel completely honored, touched, blessed…. I do not even have the right words to describe… that Jennifer used me to deliver this ring to you! Indeed Devine intervention!!! Truly takes my breath away! To think I wasn’t even searching for the ring… I know Jennifer placed it right in front of my eyes! I obviously knew about the ring, but I had no idea until I read this blog this morning that you had buried her with it and the reason why you did! That really got me!!! WOW WOW WOW!!! She knew you needed this… you all needed this… she just couldn’t wait to get it to you!!! I have no doubt that I will one day meet your beautiful Jennifer in heaven if I am so blessed to be able to join her one day! Prayers for all of you! GOD BLESS!!!

  7. Wow.. what an amazing story and testament. Jennifer is with you… not in the way you want… but she is there with you. Always.

  8. I hope it doesn’t upset you when I say God is good. I know that line has to be really hard for you to know that God took your daughter away from you. But I feel that we have to have faith that God has much better things, things above above our understanding in store for us after this life. And I believe this is one way to show that we all we need to have face even in our darkest hours.

  9. OMG! I can’t believe it! I’m laughing and crying. I am so happy for you. GOOD JOB JENNIFER! Beyond amazing!

  10. Libby,
    How awesome? A perfect gift from Jennifer and Heaven. Is Karen Zoucha the Karen who sent you the ring? If so, Karen, what were your thoughts that inspired you to share your ring with Libby? This story is just amazing.

  11. This is the most beautiful story and I love hearing about Jennifer’s amazing light and how it continues to shine. Sending love to you and your family, today and always

  12. SO amazing!! Jennifer is just the biggest blessing to your family. Thank you for continuing to share and educate us all.

    #love4jlk

    XO

  13. WOW that is amazing! Jennifer for sure had something to do with the ring finding it’s way to you! I had tears streaming down my face as I read this. How wonderful.

  14. What a touching story. Thank you for sharing with us the ways Jennifer continues to reach out to you; its amazing the wonderful things that little girl continues to do.

  15. Goosebumps…oh my! Did you just get this after you were pregnant? Jennifer is sending you such a sign that you are doing great mama. Man, is she proud of you. And Karen, who read your blog and knew about the ring (you didn’t mention it much beyond the day you tried molding it), then Karen finding it, and recognizing it?!?! Holy smokes. life is so mysterious.

  16. This is just amazing! How beautifully true that this is from Jennifer. What a beautiful ring. Wear it with pride!

  17. Love this. What a wonderful gift. I know Jennifer must be so proud, she must be smiling and giggling with joy. Hugs to you and your family.

  18. That is truly an amazing phenomenon. You’ve been asking for signs from her and I think this was the best one yet! She totally had something to do with this– giving you the ring back! And to hear Karen’s response to your blog post– that is beyond cool! Thank you for sharing!

  19. Wow. Go Jennifer. Bet she had fun planning that one with all of Heaven’s resources at her disposal. Much love

  20. I also wanted to say that I have been having trouble with my own faith lately. The world and even God have seemed too big and too scary and i have been nervous about what is to become of all of the souls on earth. But this blog entry has helped remind me that God is here and real and He does care. Your Jennifer has helped me feel okay again. Thank you sweet girl xx

  21. I happened to stumble across your Instagram page and I wanted to read more of your stories so I came here and have been here for the past hour reading and crying because I can’t even imagine what it is to feel the loss of a child. I’m in high schools and when I get to college and to med school, I intend to become a pediatric oncologist and find a cure. I will “avenge” little Jennifer.

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