We woke up all with Jennifer on our hearts and minds… And as it turns out the feeling was mutual.
My niece came over last night and saved Christmas for the second year in a row. She came over to wrap presents for my kids. Without her to talk with and to honestly do most of it I don’t know if it would have gotten done. It is so hard to not be wrapping for her.. So I just avoid it at all costs.
As I fell asleep silent tears hit my pillow.. as I was helplessly wishing I could give her a present..
This morning the very first thing Nicholas did was ask my a question about sissy.. He was groggy, wiping sleeping from his eyes and asked if she used to wear boxers.. I was taken aback and at first said no.. but then realized she probably did at least once or twice.. She always had her own style! he asked to wear some of hers.
And then I went to get Charlotte and her first words were also about sissy. How funny she was. I was just waking her up with her morning song and pulling her out of her crib and in the same half asleep voice she spoke to me about the sister she barely knew..
As we were about to leave Jonathan came running in to tell me to come look at something that was “so cute.” They had found the elves. But what he was most excited was the fact that the elves were reading the Christmas Story book to only toys that had something to do with Jennifer. He pointed to each one.. . the minion she gave to Nicholas, her monkey, her Brave doll etc..
I hadn’t even realized it at the time.. It was not at all intentional.
All three of these kids all had her on their minds first thing this morning. And I was feeling grateful that she was finding ways to reach them and touch them. And .. I was jealous. Because I wanted it too.
I came home from the gym and was drinking my coffee looking at the computer..
And I saw this video come through my newsfeed ..
And I stood in my kitchen and cried .. round and gratitude filled tears. Because this was her reaching me. I was so caught up in not getting to wrap a present for her .. But I forgot who my Jennifer is. The girl that loved surprises.. that loved doing things for those she loved. That gave me back a ring.. and inspired our most successful fundraising campaign because of her joy in being sneaky!
This story was her gift to me.. To remind me of what we are doing with Unravel.. of what she is still doing.
That she is still fighting. That she will one day win this most unfair fight. .
Their gifts were also her Christmas gift to me. Wrapped up the only way she can.. Through their words and their hearts..
To let me know she is still with us. That she is still with them.. Still teaching them and guiding them. Still bringing them her joy and her unmistakable sparkle.
That she is still with me.. That she forgives my struggles and my tears. That she understands my jealousy and how I want to quit it all sometimes… But that I shouldn’t.. because she is proud of me.
i love you sissy miss
thank you .
its just what i wanted. . almost
..until there is a cure..