her Christmas gift

We woke up all with Jennifer on our hearts and minds… And as it turns out the feeling was mutual.

My niece came over last night and saved Christmas for the second year in a row. She came over to wrap presents for my kids. Without her to talk with and to honestly do most of it I don’t know if it would have gotten done. It is so hard to not be wrapping for her.. So I just avoid it at all costs.

As I fell asleep silent tears hit my pillow..  as I was helplessly wishing I could give her a present..

This morning the very first thing Nicholas did was ask my a question about sissy.. He was groggy, wiping sleeping from his eyes and asked if she used to wear boxers.. I was taken aback and at first said no.. but then realized she probably did at least once or twice.. She always had her own style! he asked to wear some of hers.IMG_0994

And then I went to get Charlotte and her first words were also about sissy. How funny she was. I was just waking her up with her morning song and pulling her out of her crib and in the same half asleep voice she spoke to me about the sister she barely knew..

As we were about to leave Jonathan came running in to tell me to come look at something that was “so cute.” They had found the elves. But what he was most excited was the fact that the elves were reading the Christmas Story book to only toys that had something to do with Jennifer. He pointed to each one.. . the minion she gave to Nicholas, her monkey, her Brave doll etc..

I hadn’t even realized it at the time..  It was not at all intentional. DSC_0111 (1)

All three of these kids all had her on their minds first thing this morning. And I was feeling grateful that she was finding ways to reach them and touch them. And .. I was jealous. Because I wanted it too.

I came home from the gym and was drinking my coffee looking at the computer..

And I saw this video come through my newsfeed ..

And I stood in my kitchen and cried .. round and gratitude filled tears. Because this was her reaching me. I was so caught up in not getting to wrap a present for her .. But I forgot who my Jennifer is. The girl that loved surprises.. that loved doing things for those she loved. That gave me back a ring.. and inspired our most successful fundraising campaign because of her joy in being sneaky!

This story was her gift to me.. To remind me of what we are doing with Unravel.. of what she is still doing.

That she is still fighting. That she will one day win this most unfair fight. . 

Their gifts were also her Christmas gift to me. Wrapped up the only way she can.. Through their words and their hearts..

To let me know she is still with us. That she is still with them.. Still teaching them and guiding them. Still bringing them her joy and her unmistakable sparkle.

That she is still with me.. That she forgives my struggles and my tears. That she understands my jealousy and how I want to quit it all sometimes… But that I shouldn’t.. because she is proud of me.

i love you sissy miss

and

thank you .

its just what i wanted. . almost

hahaha

..until there is a cure..

 

 

13 Responses to “her Christmas gift”

  1. Ugh my bad lol allow me to finish!
    …. You sure needed it!
    Also, did I miss something? How did that lady know to buy that ring?

  2. OMG Libby… that news feed. It’s amazing. In the past, financially I have contributed to Unravel and I did again the other day. I selected that my funds go to DIPG in memory of Jennifer but also because I believe in the process of what Dr, Monje is doing as well as giving directly to the scientists doing the research. To read the newsfeed this morning brings excitement to me, joy really.

    As you very well know, I have never met you or your family. I’m not even sure how I came to your blog only that I have been here since the beginning. My personal story has nothing to do with Cancer, but I am having a rough time in my life, very rough time. This Christmas I am barely getting through. However, this morning with your blog, I am so very uplifted. Jennifer must have been “with me” too. I got my coffee and the very next thing pulled up your blog to check in. I feel joy now… to know that progress is being made. I feel so uplifted to read that article.

    Thank you for continuing to share. May you find comfort, joy and peace this Christmas, that is what I pray.

  3. I am in tears & awe in the ways she reached out to all of you just when you needed it the most. She is always nearby, she is watching over you all the time & is continuing to show you. Merry Christmas to you all, I hope all find some peace in this holiday season & just soak up your sweet babies as much as possible. xo

  4. Libby,

    I’ve been following your blog for sometime now. I am grateful that you take the time and energy to let us into your lives. To let us know you, your family, and Jennifer. I have taken interest in DIPG research, and read the article highlighting Jennifer’s gift and Dr. Monje’s research just last night. Jennifer is finding ways to reach strangers, too.

    I hope you and your family have a Merry Christmas.

  5. Libby,

    I’ve been following your blog for sometime now. I am grateful that you take the time and energy to let us into your lives. To let us know you, your family, and Jennifer. I have taken interest in DIPG research, and read the article highlighting Jennifer’s gift and Dr. Monje’s research just last night. Jennifer is finding ways to reach strangers, too. I hope you and your family have a Merry Christmas.

  6. That video in your news feed– if that’s not a sign from Jennifer, then I’m not sure what is. That is truly amazing and a magical gift when you needed it most. We are always thinking of Jennifer and of you and your beautiful family. You are an inspiration whether you realize that or not— thank you. For all you do. Until there is a cure! JLK! <3 <3

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