the difference a year makes

A year ago people woke up to this posting. .. This picture still makes me my hands and feet go dumb when I look at it. ..It makes the blood pound in my ears. ..

Yesterday 7 children died from cancer.

….my child wasn’t one of them.

Today 7 children will die from cancer.

My daughter is one of them.

She gifted me her first and her last breath. . .

and so many beautiful ones in between.

 

year

 

Everybody that loves Jennifer has different “last perfect days” But a year ago was mine. 2/12/14.

I know that’s hard to understand. But February 12th was the last day I held my daughter. It was the last time I felt her heartbeat under my hand. And those hours leading up to her death were beyond words.

The connection I felt with her was the deepest most fulfilling relationship I have experienced. .. And then there was the fullness in that room that is indescribable. But something I want to never forget.. yet somehow can’t remember either. It was that powerful.

That’s part of what this picture does for me.. reminds me of all parts of that day. But the 12th .. this 12th. THE 12th. Isn’t that scary for me. I am shocked honestly. Because every month the 12th has been a difficult day for me. .. I assumed this one would be too. But its somehow different.

Right now what makes me clench inside and tears immediately come is the thought of tackling the 13th. That day. February 13th 2014 is the worst day of my life.. the worst I hope I will ever have to endure. The first without her. And I dread it again.

The beginning of this new forever.. of the rest of my life.

I am scared. Incredibly scared.

But first I will tackle tomorrow.

Oh what a difference a year makes.. for me.. for us.  And for far too many others.

a year ago 7 children died from cancer..

she was one of them.

Since then 2,555 others have joined her.

A year ago 7 children died from cancer

Jennifer Lynn

i am so sorry you were one of them.

a year

…until there is a cure..

50 Responses to “the difference a year makes”

  1. Libby I wish I had words that would ease the pain you feel. I don’t even know what else to type. I am just…well I don’t know. At a loss for what to say honestly. I will be thinking of you. Jennifer

  2. You have made it through a whole year, moment by moment, day by day. Jennifer has been with you all along the way, and so have we, your readers, your friends. I feel so blessed to be able to say that I have read your words and cried with you and smiled through my tears at so many beautiful pictures of JLK and her brothers and sister. You have made it so easy to know you, Libby, and to care deeply about what you care deeply about. I pray for a fresh wave of grace to break upon you, as this second year begins, and for you to know without a doubt that Jennifer is showering you with love and glitter, now and forever.

  3. How is it 11:00pm on February 11?? It was just yesterday we cried with you as we learned she was gone…
    Tomorrow we remember her unlike any other day, you have made sure of that. Thank you, Libby. Thank you for sharing her and you with us.

  4. That post still haunts me. The words go through my head everyday…7 children will die…WHY?! It angers me…and your Jennifer! A beautiful little girl I never had the honor of meeting. I’m sure if my daughter would have met her they would have been friends right off the bat! I’m with you…until there is a cure!
    Praying for you and your family today and everyday.

  5. You all are always in my thoughts….forever in my heart. We will honor Jennifer tomorrow, I’m not sure how just yet. But we will. Much love to you all.

  6. No words can express my sorrow for you and your family. Just as I was reading this post, Channel 11 news is on the TV. They played a sort of commercial talking about their news reporters and stories of peoples lives and experiences they share while images were playing…. a picture of you, Libby and sweet Jennifer popped on the tv screen! She is never far from you…. I don’t know if you have seen it or know what I am referring to but I took a screen shot of it. Continuing to share your story and saying her name sweet Jennifer…heartfelt hugs from someone who never met her but has changed me as a mother.

  7. I cannot believe it has been one whole year that this world lost such a beautiful person. Your Jennifer. I am sorry, so very sorry. I will honor her especially today. I will say her name just one more time. I will turn a No into a Yes. For them because of her. Your Jennifer. She is still so very loved. She is and will ALWAYS be remembered. Always in my heart as well as so very many others. Jennifer, we love you so very much. Until there is a cure ♡♡♡♡♡♡

  8. Every night I pray specifically for the families that I have followed whose children have gone to heaven, and for those I follow who are still in the fight. Last night I prayed especially hard for your family to get through today, but even more so to get through tomorrow.

    I am promising to be active. I have shared statistics and will continue to share them. I share your posts. I am part of Team Glitter. When I teach The Fault in Our Stars to my students I talk about Jennifer and so many other kids like her and have my 10th graders do research on different kinds of childhood cancer or foundations or hospitals so that the next generation is aware. I will continue to do these things not because they make me feel good, but because I am terrified of these statistics. For them….because of her. And because of you. Thank you for helping so many of us know these horrors. Thank you for your honesty and beautifully written words. Thank you for sharing Jennifer with us. Thank you for teaching us mommies to make each precious moment count.

  9. I can’t possible understand your pain. I have 4 living children and can’t comprehend losing one of them. When I found your blog 7 months ago I could not stop reading it. I admit I was depressed but I had to finish up until the present. I continue to read to this day. I’m so sorry you and your family had to go through all this pain. I hope Jennifer’s tumor is the one that finds a cure. May you find some sort of peace to live out the rest of your time and enjoy the family you have left.

  10. I’ve been dreading today. Thinking that it must somehow be a sick joke that the world is playing on everyone. She can’t be gone. She can’t REALLY be gone.

    I talked about Jennifer at dinner last night because it felt like the only thing I could do in the moment to honor her. I shared with my husband some of your posts that have touched me the most. The one from a year ago just tore me apart.

    I know you say to don’t just be sorry, be active; but I am sorry. I’m so sorry I wasn’t active until Jennifer’s story came into my life. I’m sorry I wasn’t active until a year ago.

  11. Thank you for sharing your Jennifer with us. You know my Family and I have become huge #love4jlk and The Kranz Family supporters. We will be right by your side…until there is a cure.

  12. I have spent the last few mths getting to know & love your family & Jennifer as you shared the sadness that was your last year & a half. You have accomplished so much in such a short time, Jennifer’s loss isn’t for nothing, she is the face that everyone will forever remember when they hear Pediatric Cancer. It shouldn’t be that way, she should be with you, in your arms, dancing, singing & enjoying her life to the fullest. There are no answers yet, but there will be. One day soon we will Unravel this nightmare & help keep all of those other children where they belong, with their families.

    You are such an amazing & special family. I read every blog, every post & shed many tears for you all. I talk of Jennifer often even though I never met her or you personally. Think of you all daily. It just doesn’t seem right that it has already been a year.

    So today as you honor your sweet glitter angel, hold on to each other tight & do something special for Jennifer, for yourself & for your 3 living babies. For them because of her. Always Love4JLK xo

  13. My girl and I got to meet Jennifer only once, as a Girl Scout. But, we have followed you the entire way.
    Last year, I interviewed for a job today, and I knew of her passing before then and it affected me in a personal way, all day. I won’t ever forget telling my girlfriends how I didn’t understand the pain I felt, for people I didn’t really know. But, by reading with you, honoring her with you, talking with Tony about Unravel, and watching the amazing things you do to remember her and to raise awareness, I get it now. I have always had the same mission…don’t let another child go away without a fight. Yours is Cancer, mine was other things and recently Cancer was added.
    Jennifer is a wonderful girl, you can see it in her pictures and you can feel her effects on everyone around her. You are helping that to live on and this blog and everything you do are what will keep her with you. Keep it up, as you have done amazing things this year. You are sharing her with people, and that is awesome!
    I can’t wait to watch what happens in the years to come. An angel birthday is hard for us outsiders, but we are praying for the insiders as well. Much love and strength sent your way. ❤️

  14. I think of Jennifer every day and so often and I care so deeply about her and your family. I know we are strangers but your family don’t feel like strangers to me. And I know you’ve had that impact on so many others. Thank-you for sharing your journey. I will continue to read, to share and to do. Thank-you for that as well.
    Angela

  15. I can’t find the words to speak what I’m feeling for you right now. But I know it’s nothing compared to what you’re going through. Sending you so much love and prayers today and everyday, Libby. #Love3JLK Always.

  16. Still here a year later… I have read every single one of your blogs. I will be here for as long as you keep sharing. Prayers for all of you. Peace to each of you.

  17. Jennifer Lynn Kranz, you are forever missed and will never be forgotten. Sending so much love to the Kranz family today and always.

  18. Thinking of all 6 of you today and always. Sending love and hugs. Love you guys. RIP beautiful Jennifer. You will never be forgotten. Love, Noni.

  19. She is in the hearts of many today, and we are spreading the glitter in her name – literally and figuratively.

    Love you Kranz’s.

  20. Our family has thought about you and your family every day for the last year. We have been thinking of you with today being a difficult day. Please know that you have driven something in us to put a stop to this disease that takes our most precious belongings away from us. We continue to fight with you everyday and get the word out. This is something that parents should not have to go through and you and jennifer are making a difference.

  21. I am so sorry it has been a year without your little girl. If anything comes out of losing Jennifer it’s that people are definitely becoming more aware of pediatric cancer. By donating her tumor you have made a great impact on research to help other little kiddos in the future. I was the out of sight out of mind type till I started reading your blog. The impact you and your non-profit are making is amazing. I’m sorry you had to start your non-profit because of losing Jennifer but thank you for all that you do on a daily basis to make the world aware of the lack of funding to treat cancer.

  22. Today, for Jennifer, I gave away 12 watermelon candles with information attached to the Unravel website and Love4JLK. But, I won’t just do it today. I try to do something everyday for her and all the other children who can’t. Because I can and I will. Bless you all today and everyday.

  23. I think of you (and JLK and Tony and Jonathan and Charlotte and Nicholas) every single day. The brutally hard ones and the easier-than-some ones. I will send all my thoughts and prayers for your tomorrow.

  24. Jennifer mattered. Jennifer matters. Jennifer will continue to matter to all who have known her or read your words. Jennifer.

  25. All 6 of you are in my heart today and everyday. We’re going out to dinner tonight for my birthday and I made up a small card from the fact sheet on your website. I have a plan to spread the glitter to another family. For them, because of her.

  26. I first came here a year ago, after reading about your Jennifer in a post from Craftiness is not Optional. I’ve read your thoughts this past year and never known what to say, knowing that I could do nothing to help save Jennifer. But at least today I can make a donation, in hopes of a cure.

  27. I remember. I remember so vividly seeing the posting that she was gone. I remember the sharp intake of breath, because until that very moment, I still somehow thought she’d be the miracle. The one to make it. I remember stopping dead in my tracks as I went out the door to go to work, a tear sneaking out of the corner of my eye, the cold, crisp air on my face. Even though I had followed other DIPG journeys (and continue to advocate, support, and follow to this day) and knew that the ending always seemed to be the same. Even though I had read your blog post about how aggressive her cancer was. I prayed that she would be the one to beat it. I remember that I started praying so vehemently when I read the blog where you said you knew she’d make a perfect Mother. Reading the sentence felt like someone reached into my chest — my soul — and grabbed it, and squeezed. This little girl I’ve never met. This little girl across the country. This little girl that stole my heart. I’ve dreamed of her. Twice. Both times I woke up wondering how it was possible to dream of someone you’ve never met. I don’t recall ever dreaming of a celebrity before? I don’t think it’s a coincidence that Katy Perry is ‘roaring’ in the background as I type this. I wish you had been the one to beat it, Jennifer Lynn. I wish that so very much, but oh the difference you are making! You are still SO amazing! I can just picture you on the watermelon clouds of Heaven, whipping glitter across the world, with that perfect twinkle in your eye, and that sarcastic little smirk I’ve seen in so many of your photos. I remember you, and will always have #Love4JLK

  28. I remember that day very clearly…spent the whole day in tears for you, for Jennifer, for your sweet family. It’s crazy how time goes by even if you don’t want it to, or you want it to go faster. I hope she finds a way to comfort you today. We are all thinking of you and praying for you today. I wish I WISH I could lift some of your sorrow. We all miss Jennifer in our own ways, even those of us who didn’t know her well. We know her because you, her brave amazing mother, have let us know her. She was-IS amazing.

  29. Sending you and the family strength today and always. We are barely 4 months out. I cannot imagine a year, and yet we move forward everyday because what choice do we have except to move forward and honor each and every one of them. xoxo

  30. A year ago, when I read that blog post, my heart sank so very, very low. I didn’t think it would be possible to hurt that badly for a family I have never met before. I just can’t believe it’s been a year. It seems so much like just yesterday, but also a lifetime ago. Today, I talked about Jennifer to my own young daughter. We looked at pictures of her and talked about how she had to move to Heaven a year ago today. We are incorporating Jennifer into everything we do today, starting at the sparkly dress my daughter dressed herself in today. We will light a candle for her tonight (really wish I had a watermelon one). We will spread the glitter until the cure is found, and even long after that cure is found, we will remember precious Jennifer and speak of her. She will never, ever be forgotten.

  31. Thank you for doing something to make a difference to all the kids. Jennifer is never forgotten…she is helping change the world for so many other kids. I hope she sends you a sign.

  32. I remember that blog post and how it felt like the world fell apart. Like others, I feared the worst but just hoped somehow it wouldn’t be Jennifer. Thinking of you and your family today, all days, always.

  33. I remember that day, as others did. Getting ready for work, I checked your blog on my ipad and read the devastating and gut-wrenching news. I have followed your journey from Nov 2013 on and continue to follow. You are the strongest woman I “know” and I have learned so much from you, your family, and JLK. I think about you often and pray to ease your pain. I spread your statistics, I’ve written letters to congress pleading for more funds for pediatric cancer research, I talk to my family about your journey and show my kids photos of your Jennifer. Never in my life has one touched my heart so deeply. Like others, I wish there was a way to say the right thing, take away your sorrow, and ease the burden you carry daily. Though I know that doesn’t exist. Just know that we are listening and being active in this tremendous fight against cancer. You are an amazing person! Hugs from Sacramento.

  34. Still here..reading every blog..trying to spread Jennifer’s glitter! My 13 yr old wore her new unravel sweatshirt today for the first time..we live in the mountains about 3 hours from Gilroy and a mom came up to her at school and knew all about your Jennifer! She said it was a perfect day for her to wear her sweatshirt…you all are making an impact everywhere! And so many of us are following right along

  35. I’ve been dreading this day. Now I dread tomorrow. 🙁 Stay strong. Do it for your living little ones because of them and because of her.

  36. I remember reading that post. My breath was sucked out of my chest and tears fell down my face.
    I am so sorry any family faces this pain. Unravel is making a difference. Jennifer is making a difference.

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