We went to do lab tours at Stanford yesterday. I wasn’t feeling so great last night so I went to bed right after the kids. I thought I would have plenty of time to write all about it tonight.. But life and memories stepped in the way. .. So tonight I write for me. I’ve […]
Our home is decorated and Christmas season is officially here with the start of December. We decorated inside and outside this weekend. I wanted one more outdoor decoration and told the kids to look for one when they went out tree shopping with my parents. They came back knowing exactly what they wanted. A angel. […]
Pre and post her death. Thats how time is for me now. So this is the first Thanksgiving… It knocked me over. I think I wasn’t prepared at all for it. The night before I just cried and cried. Tony came home from golfing to a heartbroken wife. Its such a hard balance for our […]
Thanksgiving one year ago we invited the first media outlet in to film our family and our story. I barely even remember Jennifer looking like that. So big and round in her face. She hated that. Hated so much how the steroids changed the way she felt and looked. I hated it to. A constant […]
Everything is different for us. Its not just that we lost our daughter we lost ourselves too. All the old rules have been re-written. And underneath that new writing there is always a ache.. the pain that we didn’t want things to change. No, honestly, we were all really happy with how things were. But […]
Theres that popular kids book everybody poops.. I think I should write one called everybody grieves. Because this weekend that has been so apparent in my family. The ways we are all hurting. .. and all reaching for Jennifer, trying to connect. Waking up to my husbands tears.. knowing immediately why.. Not even for a […]
I am haunted lately .. but not the kind I want. Just a deep dark sadness. I am exhausted all the time. Like deep down to my bones tired. Thanksgiving is fast approaching. Our first real holiday since she died. Since she was stolen from my arms. I could have held her forever. I am […]
Oh Jennifer. I miss you. All these interviews .. you should have been beside me.. not a picture behind me. I have felt something. Like a force or a strength around me. I have turned on the car and felt you speaking to me through songs that are playing. I know you are so proud […]
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