A year later and nothing has changed. Again. Here I am . Without her. And today is so much harder than yesterday was. So. Much. Harder. I remember this day so vividly. I wouldn’t get out of bed. I think its the only day in my life I have done that. Tony and my sister […]
A year ago people woke up to this posting. .. This picture still makes me my hands and feet go dumb when I look at it. ..It makes the blood pound in my ears. .. Yesterday 7 children died from cancer. ….my child wasn’t one of them. Today 7 children will die from cancer. My daughter […]
We are so broken. There really is no other word for it. We all just hurt incredibly .. each in our own way. We went to see Jennifer’s spot yesterday. The boys just wanted their alone moment there to give her the rock they painted. They got out.. one by one and spent a few […]
Hey Super Bowl. Fuck you. And while we are at it. February can go screw off too. .. Well maybe not. Maybe I love Februaury too. Because its the last month I held her. The last month I felt her heart beating.. Always strong until the moment it stopped. Just like Jennifer was. Today sucks. […]
Yes. Yes. Yes. I am eternally grateful for the yeses. And eternally sorry for the no’s. A year ago we did a last minute tea party. At a fancy tea party place. We had a lot at our little apartment together. It was certainly a daily ritual and one of my most cherished memories. She […]
Tony and I went to our counseling tonight. .. well if I am being honest, tonight Tony sat on the couch during my counseling. It quickly morphed into being all about me tonight. We talked guilt. My guilt over everything. e.v.e.r.y.t.h.i.n.g. Its crippling. And I am not sure how to get over it.. get through […]
We went to do lab tours at Stanford yesterday. I wasn’t feeling so great last night so I went to bed right after the kids. I thought I would have plenty of time to write all about it tonight.. But life and memories stepped in the way. .. So tonight I write for me. I’ve […]
I am haunted lately .. but not the kind I want. Just a deep dark sadness. I am exhausted all the time. Like deep down to my bones tired. Thanksgiving is fast approaching. Our first real holiday since she died. Since she was stolen from my arms. I could have held her forever. I am […]
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