yes

Yes. Yes. Yes.

I am eternally grateful for the yeses. And eternally sorry for the no’s.

A year ago we did a last minute tea party. At a fancy tea party place.

We had a lot at our little apartment together. It was certainly a daily ritual and one of my most cherished memories. She was so serious about it.. but always wanted it to be a little different. Somedays we filled the cups with water.. sometimes we ate food. Other times it was all pretend. She invited different stuffed animals .. but pinkie was always there. The reason it worked so well though.. Jennifer’s early Christmas present from my sister.

Dressed up in matching outfits for a tea party at our home away from home
Dressed up in matching outfits for a tea party at our home away from home

We went to Ikea and Jennifer saw a purple tv tray. She told Auntie she wanted it for Christmas. We laughed. Thought she just really had to have something bought for her. But she insisted she really wanted it.

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Yes.

It was her Christmas present.. just a little bit early. The best gift she got.. because she was actively dying 5 weeks after Christmas .. so that damn tv tray got the most use.  Even then.

She used it, we used it.  To watch movies and store medical supplies.

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Never what a parent imagines their 6 year old Christmas present being used for..

I still use it now. When I am working on a speech or writing a blog entry in her room .

A year ago we did that last minute tea party. I was tired. Thought we could do it later.. plan it out. But instead of fighting it,  instead of banking on the promised tomorrow that all parents trust in, that isn’t a guarantee at all. . I thought about.. then called a friend that could meet us there. I called around to make sure they had gluten free treats she would actually enjoy.

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Yes.

She picked out my clothes and Charlottes. Who knew I would miss that little thing so much. Tonight Charlotte came out in her brothers clothes after bath.. Adorable. But I couldn’t help but watch her and wonder.. what would she be toddling out in if she still had her big sister?

While there she wanted a souvenir I said no.. my friend said yes and bought our girls tea kettle christmas tree decorations. . I secretly bought her a book for Christmas. And we drank watermelon tea.

Very excited to be adding sugar cubes
Very excited to be adding sugar cubes by herself. She had to work hard to do it left handed.

Yes.

Pillow fight night. Its tomorrow. A forever official date in our family. One the boys don’t even know is coming. I invite you to join us. The rules are simple. Pillows, family and laughs. Take pictures and make memories. And if you are inclined we would be honored if you share it with with  your friends. A chance to spread a whole different kind of glitter . .. the real glitter that my girl was made of…

Fun. Silly. Shiny.

Tag us and you can email social@unravelpediatriccancer.org

I just read the post. .. How eerily aligned with this post. That book.. that damned stupid book. We never got a chance to do any of it. I was so excited for it. .. never a chance.  Neither of us did.

i love you

and

i miss your laugh.

i am grateful for all you have taught me.

i love you.

i miss you.

i am proud to be your mommy

forever…

yes

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…until there is a cure..

13 Responses to “yes”

  1. I’ve had Pillowfight Night marked on my calendar since that first post. We will think of your sweet, funny girl Jennifer and make the feathers fly! (or whatever is in pillows these days).

    And here’s to YES.

  2. Do your pillow fight….my boys are 14 and 16 now…..one is away for a debate tournament tonight – and one is going to a friends….they won’t be home. Don’t get me wrong – I’m thrilled they are growing into young adults with friends, interests, etc…but sad they aren’t around for a pillow fight…..so enjoy your pillow flight. It’s all temporary….

    1. Believe my I understand how temporary it is..A 6 year old in heaven. Believe me I know. Enjoy them today .. however you can because tomorrow is not promised.

  3. Ahhh Jennifer, what an impact you have made for our little one!!! Chuckie E Cheese with only mommy, usually a no…..now a YES. Living room picnics….now a YES. An a pillow fight with Friday night movie night………..YYYYYYEEEEEESSSSSSS!!! Thank you Miss Jennifer and Ms LIbby for the changes in our house!

    I’ve never met you JLK, but you’ve made a mark in my life. 🙂

  4. We will definitely be having a pillow fight tonight. And, you and your girl have inspired me to turn more nos to yeses. I am a better mom because of it. Thank you, Jennifer, for that. Your glitter spreads far and wide!

  5. Pillows Fight Night is happening in our house tonight! What a fun way to honor and remember Jennifer. I am certain she would love this! She will be looking down from Heaven with a huge smile on her precious face. People are saying her name everyday, people who never knew her, never met your family. You are keeping her memory alive and well, and helping her find a cure for pediatric cancer…certainly she is looking down saying, “Good job, Mommy”. Much love to you and your family.

  6. I have a six year old daughter and a 5 month old daughter. I was a single mom to my oldest for over 5 years. I was filled with “no’s”. My five month old has Down syndrome. Sadly there are more “no’s” for big sister. My life is chaotic and sometimes falling apart. But your girl whom I never met on this side of heaven captured me from the first moment I saw her. Tonight.. In the midst of a hectic time..a sad time with my marriage on the rocks..I told my six year old about your girl. And we had a pillow fight. We laughed so hard we almost cried. Even my sweet baby girl who rarely smiles smiled along with us. When we were done we thanked God for your Jennifer and for you and we prayed for your family. I can’t imagine your pain. Jennifer is never forgotten. Thank you thank you thank you for teaching me to say yes even in the chaos. Thank you for pillow fight night.

  7. The tea parties sounded amazing. You said yes so many times, Libby. More than most of us do. I’m trying to follow your lead and say yes to my kids more. Thank you for continuing to share your journey. Thinking about all 6 of you.

    Jennifer<3

    XO

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