Veterans day. A day honoring those that have fought to keep us safe. Those that walked into battle for the betterment of the rest of us. The brave. Heroes. I can’t help it.. I don’t want to do it.. But all I can think is her. My Jennifer showed more strength and fight then I […]
Another 12th.. still not getting any easier. Today was filled with chores. .. Chores like breathing, which today I found so difficult to do. I felt like I was living in jello.. every movement slow deliberate and so very hard to execute. I woke up angry this morning. Not wanting to hear any more “I’m […]
Pain. Big pain . . real pain this morning. Upped her morphine…I think its doubled. Sleeping all day. Hospice says she is comfortable. . . stable. I hope so. I worry she is screaming inside at me. Something she is needing or wanting. And I am not answering her call for me. I’m so sorry […]
Today was hard. Will I ever not feel that way? So much of today was spent talking with nurses, pharmacists, and thankfully our great docs. Her oncologist from Stanford cried with me today. I don’t do that. I am a private crier. I have a need for Jennifer to eat, at least one more time. […]
So you know that whole no news is good news thing . . . not always true. Her tumor responded well. It actually shrunk. But . . . buts are never good are they? More grew. The blood started pounding in my ears. This feeling..this pressure and sound in my head has only happened twice now. […]
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