Veterans day. A day honoring those that have fought to keep us safe. Those that walked into battle for the betterment of the rest of us. The brave. Heroes.
I can’t help it.. I don’t want to do it.. But all I can think is her. My Jennifer showed more strength and fight then I have ever seen in another human being. She didn’t want to die. . so she held on.. And fought for every moment and every breath. Cancer slowly took her.. stole her away.. And when she was gone she donated the beast inside her to save others. Her little body already endured so much.. but she still donated of herself .. 3 successful types of cell lines.
And I get mad. Its not cancer that stole her. Its the lacking of resources for those trying to find a cure… For her cancer, DIPG, even just a treatment option would be better than it is now.
Nothing. No chance.
Its my fault.. Childhood cancer is a real threat. The number one disease killer.. the number one killer behind accidents (how broad a term is that!) of our kids. I did nothing. Not a damn thing to protect my child. I scrolled past FB posts I am sure.. I never found out the information.. I made sure she was always buckled into her seat properly.. and cut up her food so she didn’t choke.
I never did anything though to protect her from cancer. From the tumor that stole her ability to even sit in a seat.. to swallow her food.
Listen. Share. I know its hard. I know its a strange thing to talk about. But its a real danger. One that I wish somebody had talked to me about before it was my daughter. Because times like right now the burden of guilt is crushing. And I am mad at my friends.. my family.. Why didn’t anybody tell me? Warn me?
Its not them though.. I know. Its me..Why didn’t I fight for her.. when she could have had a chance. Instead she was sent into battle unarmed.
It took pediatric cancer barreling through my doors to get me to take notice.
Be better. Do better than me. 12 types of pediatric cancer.. Tomorrow is the 12th, 9 months she has been gone. Give us 12. Do something .. share. Make people listen… You cannot make them be active.. but you can make sure they never say they didn’t know.
When Tony has a non-weekend day off of work we call that a ‘Daddy bonus day’. Today should have been a special day with all my kids.. No first grade classes.. a ‘Jennifer bonus day’
Instead.. its just another day of missing her. ..
her joy..her sparkle
Just like every single day of the rest of our lives.