September marks the start of pediatric cancer awareness month.. I feel like I should be writing all about it. The ways to be involved. To not JUST be sorry but to be active.. but I can’t.. because I am selfish… and I am fucking struggling. Because the end of August and September seems to mark for […]
A few months ago we were looking into changing our insurance coverage.. Speaking with our advisor he introduced us to something called “human life value”. In simple terms .. “A way of deciding how much life insurance an individual may need. The person’s income, expenses, and years remaining in the workplace are considered”. I thought there is a […]
I always wanted to be a mom and I knew that I wanted a big family. It’s why I worked in day cares and summer camps and then became a teacher. To practice what I knew my lifes work was supposed to be.. I was always confident in my ability to juggle and thrive as […]
I am happy. My life is good and full and rich. But.. Well, there is just always a but.. Because Jennifer is missing. I exist in my joy.. but there is this constant current of sadness. Of grief. Of missing her. We have had a truly incredible summer. It has been ideal.. (almost aka… but) […]
There are side effects of child loss, but I have learned lately not all are negative. And none of them are stagnant. They all seem to be, at least for me, on a pendulum. I realized today I miss some of the moderation that life used to hold. That middle ground of normalcy.. Maybe it will […]
I miss you Jennifer. I wish I had something more.. something deeper and more profound to say. Words fail me though. . Because I constantly miss her.. Its always there.. sometimes just a subtle current. But not always.. it scares me how quickly the tide can rise up and drown me in my own sorrow.. […]
Kids. This ones for you. I recently said I was excited to get old. That my age only bothers me because I am still so young. One of my brothers is turning 40 this week and I thought I know exactly what I will think when I blow out my 40 candles.. The same thing […]
Its the little things.. the silly, seemingly insignificant things that can rock you to your core. It’s not just like that with child loss though .. I think its like that with everything. The things you take most for granted are the things you miss most when they are gone. Her name. Jennifer. I have […]
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