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I can’t say for sure what it is.. But I am struggling… feels like I am barely treading water. Like my every other breath is sucking in deep murky water instead of air.

I don’t know if it’s Tony working nights.. or waiting for Wyatt’s time to come.. or hormones. .. But I feel like I am thrust back down. It’s hard to get out again. Hard to want to do much.

And I feel like it’s so wrong. Like having Wyatt just joining Jennifer.. hurting for his family and being reminded again so vividly how precious life is I should be a better more patient mom. Like it should reinvigorate my efforts with Unravel.

I feel like its the opposite. My nerves so over charged right now I am short with the kids.. I am struggling to engage with them.

I don’t want to do Unravel business.. It just feels so big and futile. Like I will never be able to make a dent in this huge a problem.

I am lonely. I have almost no time with my husband during the week. But I don’t answer the phone when people call. I have no motivation to make any effort. If it wasn’t for the gym I think I wouldn’t leave the house. .. But that little bit of forced out time makes it easier to keep it up.

But I’m tired of it. Im tired of being defeated.. so today I was lucky enough to be pushed to change it.. We were invited to share about Unravel at a local VBS (vacation bible school) and seeing these kids ask questions.. seeing them want to be involved. It energized me. .. They all have the potential to be kidvocates, to be kids saving kids.

Because of today I will..

-I will do something with the kids everyday that I don’t want to. I will re-commit to a daily “no into yes” . When my first instinct is no. .. or in a little bit. I will change my mind. And I will say yes.

Why don't you and daddy play twister?
Why don’t you and daddy play twister?

-I will make plans. I will extend myself.. Fake it til I make it as they saying goes.

– And I will toot Unravels horn. My Dad is working really hard to pull of a golf tournament here is Gilroy st Eagle Ridge, I think golf seems so boring, but apparently this is a pretty awesome course! Proceeds going to Dr Monje.. the scientist that has his granddaughters tumor. .And a local boy, Ben Roach, currently battling a brain tumor. To give his family a little breathing room. BUT WE NEED GOLFERS!

JLK and Papa
JLK and Papa

MNO in sacramento. June 27th. Dessert, lots of wine, dancing and I promise a ton of fun.

And the most important .. Fluttering kits are on sale now. Just a few weeks left til we cut sales. I am so proud of this because it speaks to everything Unravel is about. It’s being chaired by 2 full time working moms of 3 young kids. WOW. It spreads the facts to 30 houses per kit in just one month. 30 people learn something about pediatric cancer and hopefully make a donation to do something about it. And new this year..

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Jennifer would take care of anybody and anything!!

The essence of my Jennifer in Fluttering. It allows people to share their why. Mine is Jennifer. Mine is Unravel. But people can share about their cousin. Their son. Their friend’s child and all information about them. I don’t care if its a FB page or a website. I don’t care if its a caring bridge site or a foundation website. We have a paper that can be filled out and put on every doorstep for that Fluttering kit. Because Jennifer would share the magic. Jennifer would want to find a way to help people share their pride and love.

And because Fluttering is truly fun for the whole family. So buy a kit!! You will not regret it! And you can even get your money back for the cost of the kit. I believe in this and I know you will too.

I feel better .. . thank you for listening, for reading and for caring.

i will circle the drain

but

i will never go down

i will make you proud.

 

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..until there is a cure..

14 Responses to “toot toot”

  1. I love your no into yes Twister game!

    My family and I will flutter this year. For Jennifer. For Wyatt. For Kylie Rowand and Kyour Meyers. For all the kids I have cried and prayed over this past year and a half since being introduced to your blog.

    Today I am sporting my Unravel shirt as I walk with a group of students through Amsterdam, Netherlands. I hope to spread the glitter here, too!

    💖💖💖💖💖💖💖

  2. Libby, You amaze me with your strength and determination to save our children from pediatric cancer. Thank you for your courage, time, and commitment to this overwhelming challenge. God Bless. Jennifer, Wyatt, Sophie, Kylie, and all of our Little Angels in Heaven would be so proud of your journey. … until there is a cure …

  3. You ARE amazing. I will turn more no’s into yes’s. Because of you..because of Jennifer. We love you all. LOVE4JLK ♡ And we will sprrad the glitter and keep spreading it!!

  4. Thank you so much for sharing with the kids at VBS today! You really impacted them and I know they went home to speak to their parents about it. And thank you for bringing Jonathan today, I enjoyed having him in my group. He had a lot of fun and is such a sweet boy. We will keep fighting with you. God bless you and your family.

  5. You might feel lonely, but you truly aren’t. I think about you and your family daily, and am always trying to keep life in perspective – because of JLK, because of you. I am not a religious person, but I do believe in energy, and am always trying to send positive energy your way. Just take one day at a time, and instead of looking at things as a whole, look at it in pieces, it’s much easier and more manageable. Like I’ve said before, please be patient with yourself. You are an amazing person. Keep that chin up, Jennifer would be so proud. Scratch that, she IS proud, because she sees your efforts and walks along side you every day.

  6. Oh Libby!!! You are going to have bad days….months…..years. But you are correct in not ‘going down the drain’!! So many of us, many strangers, have just fallen in love with JLK. I love the pictures, especially this one….’she would take care of anyone and anything’….even from her laundry basket! So adorable!!

    Hang in there, we are out here reading, caring, crying, spreading glitter and loving you all! Love4JLK!!

  7. Libby, You always amaze me. You are truly the strongest woman I know. I am still here reading and taking in every word you write. so much love 4 JLK….ALWAYS

  8. I pray for you to be more gentle with yourself, gentle about the extremely high expectations you place on yourself. Just because you can do it, just because you have the opportunity to do it, just because it is a good thing to do… it doesn’t mean it needs to be done right now or ever at all. So many people here cheering you on, people who will cheer no matter what gets does or does not get done <3

  9. You are the bravest person I know. Hands down. Everything you are doing DOES make a difference. It really really does.

  10. Every single picture of Jennifer is precious- a true angel in every sense of the word. My girls and I can’t wait to flutter. LOVE4JLK always

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