Last night was good for me.
It was completely gutting.
I woke up with eyes swollen and heavy. .. but that was so much better than the weight I had been carrying around inside of me.
Tony came in the door after I was done writing.. and I dissolved into his arms. I was so grateful for that moment. So thankful for my best friend.
Tonight I remembered that Jonathan doesn’t have that anymore. His best friend is gone.. After bed he came toddling out to us and asked Daddy to sleep in our bed.. why?
Because Jennifer did.
We talked more about it and decided he wouldn’t, but that we would plan it for another night. What is he thinking and feeling that would make that come up for him? I will go to him tonight after I finish writing. And I will pray that I never ever have a reason for him to sleep in our bed … I fight to unravel cancer to help strengthen that prayer.
We did our final fluttering tonight. Tomorrow night is my friends night since we are gone til way late for support group. She will be fluttering Jonathan’s preschool. Both boys keep waiting to get fluttered I think they think it happens to everybody! So I thought this would be a great surprise for them when we drop him off on Wednesday.
The campaign is almost over. I am so amazed at how well it went. So much money has been raised.. and we still need to get a lot of checks mailed in and accounted for! But really the most impressive thing is how many people really jumped in, made it their own and enjoyed it. It feels really good. After releasing to the depths I did yesterday.. a lot can feel good.
The definition of that is forever changed..
My gym raised $2100 this weekend for Unravel. And the rummage sale raised $6400. Both fundraisers I am proud of because I think they also gave back .. through keeping bodies healthy or giving great deals to people who needed a great deal. Private fundraisers also hit huge milestones this weekend..
My favorite fundraising moment this weekend though was one of Jennifer’s very best friends standing outside the rummage sale with a table full of perfect sand dollars he combed the beach for. . with the intent of selling them to make money for Unravel. He made nearly 50.00! I am so proud of this little boy.
I don’t even know what I am saying right now. .. but just like I feel that sad that I need to release, tonight I feel a lot of this new good.. and I wanted to share it.
It all started because of you my brown eyes beauty.
You changed my definition of good by coming into our lives..
and again by leaving it.