I went for a run this morning with my 2 littles while Jonathan was in preschool.. and while Jennifer.. well we all know where she is but somehow I still feel like I need to mention her.
I was thinking about the broadcast that was on about Unravel and all the people fluttering last night. You can watch and read it here..its a different post than the original and explains fluttering really well! I am not usually publicly emotional .. and it showed me crying not once but twice.. I was feeling very vulnerable.
And then this song came on “What doesn’t kill you makes you stronger”
And I thought oh the irony..
She couldn’t have possibly been any stronger.. But maybe that’s not the point of this song playing in my ears. .. Maybe its me? Because although cancer has destroyed so much of me.. it did not take all of me.
“You think you got the best of me
Think you’ve had the last laugh
Bet you think that everything good is gone
Think you left me broken down
Think that I’d come running back
Baby you don’t know me, cause you’re dead wrong”
I want to give up several times throughout the day. But I don’t. And I never ever will. Because I have 4 loves here to live for.. my husband and my 3 surviving children. My pace picked up a little bit I was able to sing aloud and push a little harder..
“You didn’t think that I’d come back
I’d come back swinging
You try to break me, but you see”
And I thought about fluttering.. and the people doing it… the people donating to the cause and the people reading and sharing my words.. I have always had my family behind us, but out there this morning feet and heart pounding I realized its so much more. My “swings” at cancer are starting to carry some weight… because there are so many hearts and minds joining mine…
“Thanks to you I got a new thing started
Thanks to you I’m not the broken-hearted
Thanks to you I’m finally thinking about me
You know in the end the day you left was just my beginning”
I thought about the day I realized she beat cancer … remember with me here...And I realized as my pace somehow got even faster…that we are heading that way too. Cancer didn’t kill me…and I am stronger now because of you. A email was sent to flutterers today.. I didn’t do it, because I don’t have to. I am not in this alone! So I just wrote a little intro.. and I want to share the last line because I think it will be forever how I feel when it comes to Unravel and what we as a community are doing..
— I can’t wait to see her again and hear her tell me all the stories of what she is watching happen. Thank you for giving me that to look forward to. —
I am hearing constantly about dragonflies visiting people. And we haven’t seen as many of our signs of her as we normally do. .I think its because she is busying sending dragonflies to other people … to say a thank you from heaven.
We just might do this… together we really might unravel pediatric cancer.
…Until there is a cure…