
All day I have longed for this moment. . A need to write.. For whats boiling inside to pour out through my fingers.. Its hard to get a quiet moment alone in this house.. (so incredibly grateful for this simple truth) .. Tomorrow marks 12 years since I have last touched the one who made […]

You know that feeling when you have on pants that are too tight.. (really I want to say bra but trying to make this applicable to the handful of guys that might read this) .. How at first its just a little uncomfortable… Maybe you yank on them to unsuccessfully try to loosen them.. Or […]

When Jennifer was still here fighting and I started blogging I feel like everyday I had big realizations and break throughs.. After she died it was the same. I was constantly making huge deep connections within myself.. Now its rarer that it happens.. In part because its just harder to carve out this much needed […]

I decided to blog about some FAQs and comments that I get..In particular I notice that as time goes on I get more judgmental themed comments on the blog. Im ok with that.. I have a thickish skin. .. But i’d be lying if I said it wasn’t part of the reason I blog publicly […]

I am struggling to find the balance. I write and I miss Jennifer so terribly.. I look through pictures to add them to my words. And I see how quickly and special my time with her was.. And I realize how quickly this time is passing me with my surviving kids.. but Jennifer died. Cancer […]

September marks the start of pediatric cancer awareness month.. I feel like I should be writing all about it. The ways to be involved. To not JUST be sorry but to be active.. but I can’t.. because I am selfish… and I am fucking struggling. Because the end of August and September seems to mark for […]

A few months ago we were looking into changing our insurance coverage.. Speaking with our advisor he introduced us to something called “human life value”. In simple terms .. “A way of deciding how much life insurance an individual may need. The person’s income, expenses, and years remaining in the workplace are considered”. I thought there is a […]

There are side effects of child loss, but I have learned lately not all are negative. And none of them are stagnant. They all seem to be, at least for me, on a pendulum. I realized today I miss some of the moderation that life used to hold. That middle ground of normalcy.. Maybe it will […]
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