The 13th is actually the worst day for me I think. . That whole day after thing. When Jennifer died.. that first 12th.. I tried to stay up until midnight .. but I physically couldn’t do it. I knew that after that day was done would be the start of a lifetime of days of […]
I try to find life lessons in everyday things for my kids. I try to help them connect what they see to who they can be. Now. Today. I did that twice this past weekend. I was able to connect others peoples fight and good deeds to them.. to us and to Unravel. .. I […]
Its hard. Everything is hard right now. Year two. Fuck. Its hard. To just be.. to exist in a world void of my oldest daughter. To the outside world my oldest child is 5.. but I have been a mother for 7 years. Its hard to parent them all the way I want to.. To […]
I have been avoiding writing tonight. I am struggling with blogging.. because right now I am just emotionally exhausted.. I know when I write I am forced to go into it.. I feel the storm brewing and so much of me wants to run.. and never look back. So I was wasting time on facebook. […]
Rarely do I type and erase.. but tonight I have been .. I’m not sure what exactly is holding me back.. I guess mostly fear of being judged.. or misunderstood. But as I start to think about the words that want to come.. I cry.. so I will share my truth. Sometimes its hard to […]
A good therapist and an attentive husband can really fuck up your morning! We had counseling this morning. I figured it would mostly be focused on Tony’s concerns for going back to work…Apparently not. Somehow we ended up on the topic of my guilt.. the subject of my blog last night that Tony doesn’t even […]
We did crossfit today. A local place … coast range crossfit has been beyond generous in gifting us a memberships. It’s the first time since I have known him that I have seen Tony truly excited about exercising .. I think it will be crucial component of his healing process. Being active was even a “homework” […]
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