12th. I am supposed to be working right now. I have a follow up presentation at Genetech to prepare for next week. January 12th. Kids are at school and at my moms so I can write it in a solid block of time and get myself prepared. Its a big deal presentation. 1 month until […]
Her birthday. The second one we have endured since losing her. The anniversary of her terminal diagnosis. DIPG. The same day and the second we have faced without her. A un-party. We escaped with the kids. It seems to be the only way I can even begin to imagine facing these huge milestones. To the […]
I feel an invisible force on my foot.. trying to push it down.. put the brakes on this life.. Just make it all stop. . In 4 days I will have been a cancer mom for a whole year. In 4 days.. She will truly be forever 6.. because she won’t be here to turn 7. […]
Its our 10 yr anniversary. I adore my husband. He drives me nuttier than anybody I have ever known.. but also fulfills me in a ways I didn’t know I was lacking. All day though I remember her.. what a great wife she would have been. What a beautiful bride.. I hate that I will […]
Another 12th.. still not getting any easier. Today was filled with chores. .. Chores like breathing, which today I found so difficult to do. I felt like I was living in jello.. every movement slow deliberate and so very hard to execute. I woke up angry this morning. Not wanting to hear any more “I’m […]
I miss her today with all of me. I went for a run. It usually clears my head.. gives me space… But not today. I am hurting. I remember so clearly 6 months ago. Calling my sister to tell her to come.. then not come.. then come. I wasn’t sure that we needed her… wasn’t […]
Another 12th.. experienced and gone.. Much like my daughter. The 12th is so bittersweet for me. Its a day to truly go back.. remember and reconnect .. to feel the overwhelming sadness over her being gone for another milestone in time somehow thats a good thing for me.. but then the ache that the distance […]
5 months. 5 months. 5 months. ..no .. please .. Once the clock strikes midnight I can no longer say 4 months.. it becomes a whole month more.. Today was a good day. We walked to the library , first time we have been there since last summer…I planned to go once she was in school.. […]
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