I was never a fancy birthday mom.. Never did party favors or pinterest themed decorations. .. So its only natural that I agreed to having Unravel throw an entire gala on what should be her 10th birthday!!
A party in her honor to rage against the beast that ripped her unwillingly and with a slow precision from our arms.
So I might as well admit it.. I am scared..
That date. October 28th. It’s held such power over me for almost 10 years. .. the date I became a mom.. The date I looked forward to for 6 years.. To celebrate the little girl that changed everything.. husband and wife.. turned forever.. mommy and daddy. . In one moment.. in one breath she did that..
And 6 years after those first exhilarating moments .. years of promise were stolen in a string of words and letters.. Cancer.. DIPG.. There is no cure..
She wore a costume to the appointment.. I didn’t even buy it new.. we had years of birthdays left to celebrate her .. Years left to get her something brand new. ..
sorry sissy.. you deserved so much more..
I feel like I failed her birthday in so many ways.. so many times. . I don’t want to do it again.. So its scary. A month out.
Is that ok to say? I’ve sat here watching the cursor blinking ..
Ok to say I am scared. But not for the raising of money… or throwing a great party. We have a team of dedicated and talented people that have risen up to ensure that happens..
but no doubt little girl your mama is scared.
Scared of my missing her being to much for public consumption. .
I’m scared to not have that night remembering with Tony.. after the day spent with her siblings celebrating the life that we welcomed to the world 10 years ago..
I am scared to share her special date.. scared how to keep it sacred for my little family…
at the heart of it all
im scared to have your birthday
..until there is a cure..