
I always wanted to be a mom and I knew that I wanted a big family. It’s why I worked in day cares and summer camps and then became a teacher. To practice what I knew my lifes work was supposed to be.. I was always confident in my ability to juggle and thrive as […]

It’s happening. Jonathan is surpassing his big sister. Last week he sat next to me and he read. He opened up a book and he read. She was so close to it. She really wanted to learn how. Now when I want her to know the words I write I say them aloud. Because she […]

I’ve made the drive many times in my life .. Yesterday making it memories flooded back. Jonathan needs a hernia surgery. His pediatrician referred us to Lucille Packard. Its scheduled for first thing Friday morning. Initially on the drive yesterday I remembered the evening we first made the trip for Jennifer. Lost trying to find our […]

The tears are close right now.. Seemingly just below the surface and that really surprises me. But I feel like my strength is also. .. Because I am feeling her again. Its like she knows when I need her the most. Jennifer guides me.. when I allow her to. I am finding that when I […]

“At rest, quicksand thickens with time, but it remains very sensitive to small variations in stress. At higher stresses, quicksand liquefies very quickly, and the higher the stress the more fluid it becomes. This causes a trapped body to sink..” national geographic Quicksand .. an analogy I googled mid post and realized was so perfect […]

I’ve been hoping to talk to another particular cancer mom for awhile now. She is somebody who also writes and I have been told since the beginning I should reach out to.. but it took me time to be ready for that. Then we decided we were open to another baby. I knew it was […]

Happy new year. . this year 2015.. .. just one more thing Jennifer will never get to experience. And I am hurting over it. So much. So much more than I expected to. We are all sick. It feels like we have been the whole fall/winter season and I can’t help but wonder if heartbreak […]

Our home is decorated and Christmas season is officially here with the start of December. We decorated inside and outside this weekend. I wanted one more outdoor decoration and told the kids to look for one when they went out tree shopping with my parents. They came back knowing exactly what they wanted. A angel. […]
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