Her birthday. The second one we have endured since losing her. The anniversary of her terminal diagnosis. DIPG. The same day and the second we have faced without her. A un-party. We escaped with the kids. It seems to be the only way I can even begin to imagine facing these huge milestones. To the […]
I’ve made the drive many times in my life .. Yesterday making it memories flooded back. Jonathan needs a hernia surgery. His pediatrician referred us to Lucille Packard. Its scheduled for first thing Friday morning. Initially on the drive yesterday I remembered the evening we first made the trip for Jennifer. Lost trying to find our […]
Her birthday is coming. Like a fucking train. I am staring at a train, barreling right for us and I cannot get us out of the way. I want so desperately to make it a celebration for her .. for them too.. But I don’t know how. I am crippled from the pain right now. […]
I am trying so hard. To keep afloat. To not drown or go all the way under. But I don’t think I can. I just miss her so much. I want to be alone. Just locked inside this house.. Just be home. Doing nothing. Just us. I want to grab them all and just run […]
My mind wanders.. a lot. I have always been a big day dreamer. Its actually one of the reasons I have always enjoyed working out. Its a time to just let my mind and imagination run free. But right now .. even though our california weather is not very fall like I seem to remember. […]
The tears are close right now.. Seemingly just below the surface and that really surprises me. But I feel like my strength is also. .. Because I am feeling her again. Its like she knows when I need her the most. Jennifer guides me.. when I allow her to. I am finding that when I […]
Her birthday is coming. .. She should be 8. This should be a celebration. She loved her birthday. I loved her birthday. But now I am dreading it. Terribly. No balloons to blow up.. no birthday chair to decorate.. no candles to blow out. . No presents. No joy. No happy.. But she deserves more […]
The start of Oct. I am excited only for one part of it. The end of most of the Fluttering campaign. I LOVE this campaign. For so many reasons. It raises a ton of awareness and money. Kids are involved and doing it. Kids are saving kids. We partnered with other organizations and allowed people […]
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