
I still cannot find any solice in that sentence. . I want to. I plan to. I try to. But I don’t. Our goal has always been to make her birthday a day of gratitude for her .. for the years we were gifted with her. But I don’t even know how.. and maybe I […]

Today the girls and I were driving. They are going together to their first day of camp… Just the two of them.. Sisters.. I thought it. Sisters. .. But horribly incomplete. I kept the thoughts to myself. I didn’t want to hurt them. . make them feel less than.. Or just bring up something sad […]

As the world starts opening up again.. (I’m in California.. it’s been slow coming) I miss Jennifer in a different way. Kids starting to play sports and the natural progression of conversations.. Are they all yours? How many do you have? So I have to decide how to answer … and every time it’s an […]

I miss her. Always. It should be no surprise that holidays that the missing.. the wanting is amplified. .. But somehow it still is. Maybe I expect it to be better for me by now. Maybe I forget to give myself the allowances to hurt that are so easy to give to my kids/husband. I […]

This loss.. its not just mine. I have made a conscious choice more recently to not often share their stories of wanting for her.. Because I know. I know its their story to tell.. But also when our 4 living babies are old enough to choose to read (or not read) their mothers words.. I […]

Every year is another notch now.. One year further from having her in this life.. And one year closer to being with her again.. There is a morbid comfort in that for me. .. Here is what I realized for myself this Febuary 12th.. Grief is like one of my limbs. It’s always there.. it’s […]

A damned uniform. Brown vest with numbers. Thats it. Thats what did me in.. Maybe thats why I waited to take it out of the bag.. Maybe thats why it sat in the corner of the room.. So much like my own missing of my Jennifer.. Tucked in a corner.. stepped past and over everyday.. […]

Yes. It does. So thank you. And please don’t stop. And thank you. And please please don’t stop. If you didn’t happen to catch the gloriousness that was my Facebook Live today.. then allow me to explain. .. (or go to our Facebook page and check it out) I don’t like February. At all. Its […]
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