Yes. It does. So thank you. And please don’t stop. And thank you. And please please don’t stop.
If you didn’t happen to catch the gloriousness that was my Facebook Live today.. then allow me to explain. .. (or go to our Facebook page and check it out)
I don’t like February. At all. Its the month that my daughter was stolen.. I know it’s coming when I start to see dairy products with Feb expiration dates.. and I always fight off that piece of me that wants desperately to throw the item across the room when I notice it.
But that’s not fair to my surviving 4. I know that. I’ve always known that. The first year she was gone from us.. Every single 12th I did something with them, to reclaim the date. To mark the passing of one more month since I had held her.. but also one month closer to her again.. It was a monthly promise to myself of #ForThemBecauseofHer.
And this wretched month was.. is .. . no different. I hate it. I hate the Super Bowl. I hate Valentine’s Day.. but I don’t want that for them. I don’t want them to carry this angst in their hearts. So in the theme of 12 days of Christmas.. I started doing a countdown til Valentine’s Day for them.. Hearts on their doors with messages to them, for them, about them. I can’t really even remember the first two years doing it.. Other than that I did it.. that’s actually pretty true for much of the first two years.. But somewhere along the line I started doing themes with the notes.. Last years was.. ” I love that you.. I love the way you.. I love watching you.. etc.”
This year it seemed perfect to make it be gratitude and thanks.. As we were in a team meeting talking about Unravel and February goals I shared our take back February tradition with Zach (our executive director).. and the ‘love adds up’ idea/theme was formed with the potential of me sharing our hearts on the door tradition .. So it seemed perfect to me last night that thank you for, I am grateful for be the theme for this year’s hearts for my 4 living loves.
They honestly love it. They look forward to waking up to see what I wrote about the previous day.. They never go into their room without that years heart notes in their faces..Unread I’m sure.. but not forgotten I hope.. And they were genuinely stoked at the idea of me sharing it with all of you!
Tonight I realized its also a gift to me.. Because this evening was not easy with them.
I love these kids. I adore these children. .. but as I often share.. The best part of my day is when they wake up … and the best part of my day is when they go to bed. And tonight was a night I was ready for bedtime.. So to think over the day and to find things specifically from the hard moments to thank them for was a beautiful challenge.
But it worked.. Thankful for the spirit of one.. refusing to give in.. Thankful for the non-stop imagination (no matter how inappropriate) spilling out of another..
I want them to know themselves.. and to love themselves.. Not just the easy beautiful parts.. but the hard, ugly parts too..
Like I am learning to do. To allow myself to ache desperately for the one that is missing.. to struggle terribly this month. To know it. To accept it.. To hate this month. But to love them… and to try .. a work in progress maybe forever.. Forgive myself for all of it.
I leave the hearts up all year.. So they remember .. and I just realized .. maybe so I remember too..
I am sharing with you as an invitation to join me.. In showing and sharing your love .. aka letting the ‘love add up’ in your daily life.. For whoever your THEM is.. Your kids, your spouse, your friends, your pet and maybe even yourself..
Because .. well selfishly.. because the more it spreads I know the because is my HER… My Jennifer Lynn Kranz. The girl whose 6 years of life filled my soul with the kind of love that deserves to be shared. ..
i love you sissy miss
the second true love
of my life
thank you for being
…until there is a cure..