It doesn’t seem real at all. It feels like she is just sleeping. . .or hanging out at my parents house. I was so constantly busy taking care of her since Oct28th I keep feeling like I am forgetting to do something. I’m not. She doesn’t need me anymore. . .quite the opposite. I so […]
Sitting here 2 days after she is gone. Too much to do. I know I can get help. .. But I need to plan her services. I need to pick the songs. I need to speak. And by need I mean want.. . . . .but then when can I grieve for her? I find […]
Services. ..celebration of life. . whatever we end up calling it will be Friday the 21st. at Valley Christian High school in San Jose at 10:30 a.m. Reception will follow at the same location. Children are welcomed. Clothing. This one really matters to me. Wear whatever you want. Wear what you feel best in. Or […]
Yesterday 7 children died from cancer. ….my child wasn’t one of them. Today 7 children will die from cancer. My daughter is one of them. She gifted me her first and her last breath. . . and so many beautiful ones in between.
Pain. Big pain . . real pain this morning. Upped her morphine…I think its doubled. Sleeping all day. Hospice says she is comfortable. . . stable. I hope so. I worry she is screaming inside at me. Something she is needing or wanting. And I am not answering her call for me. I’m so sorry […]
One of my favorite parts of the last few days is reading books with her. I wish I had realized sooner how much she would still enjoy them. I read til my throat hurts or she motions to be done. Tonight we read together with Daddy. But we used picture albums I had made for […]
Is she winding down….??? Is it the meds???? We seriously have no idea. I think it must sound crazy that we care but we do. Tonight we talked about if we have warning. What will we do…what do we want to do with Charlotte. And our boys. I asked Tony how I am supposed to […]
This morning was a rough start. I gave her 5am meds but was a little lazy and didnt space things out the way I should have. . . and we needed to change the bed so we moved her. All of these things combined meant she threw up… pretty quickly after getting the meds in. […]
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