It doesn’t seem real at all.  It feels like she is just sleeping. . .or hanging out at my parents house. I was so constantly busy taking care of her since Oct28th I keep feeling like I am forgetting to do something.

I’m not. She doesn’t need me anymore. . .quite the opposite. I so desperately need her.

but I am so busy with planning that I don’t have time to miss her. Its a cruel twist I think. Because in 1.5 weeks. When all of the hoopla has faded. The realization and truth is going to hit me again. And I fear it might be even worse. We won’t be getting daily visits from family to just sit and be. To help wrangle the boys with us. We will just be supposed to try to start living again.

This is seriously so backwards. NOW is the time we should be just living and breathing. And once we get that started we can find time and space to plan things the way we want them. Today I was busy. . lost in pictures and memories. Pulled out only to think about more details for her services next week.

It doesn’t seem real . .but then it hits me. I start to type a text to my sister in law . . about all the kids. .being home.

. . no wait .

Its not all the kids. It will never ever again be all the kids.


Ok all 3 kids. .

no still not right.

So I just settled on our kids. Because Jennifer would love to see them play.

I think I will continue to say I have 4 children. Just one will forever be 6. Frozen in time. . .in memory.

We haven’t changed a thing here. Vomit bags all over and even her POLST on the fridge. Our orders for letting her die the way we thought she would most want.

We did that. I’m glad. I’m glad it was here.

DSC_0522But now I still can’t imagine leaving. Better get it together soon though services are in less than a week. . .and we aren’t having it in my tv room. And the walls are closing in on me here. I just realized its not the whole house thats my safe haven anymore. I cant even look into the dance room. . .where our beloved snuggle couch is. Where all of her blankets still are.

And I touched the door to her room this morning and my ears felt full and my breathe started to choke me. I didn’t even bother trying to open the door.


I did write my private post. About our last sacred 24 hours. It helped me some. And I am thankful I will have it forever when I need to remember.

. . to help other families.  And to keep the fire going to honor her memory.

Not even sure whats on the checklist for tomorrow. . . but it will come to me. Swallow me during the day. . until the night and quiet comes and sorrow takes hold.

76 Responses to “real”

    1. I just became aware of what has been going on with your family. I also live on Yorktown Drive and since learning about your story, have been blessing and saying a prayer each time I have passed your home. I have been asking the angels to surround and comfort all of you. I just found out that Jennifer is now in heaven, an angel among so many legions of angels, also giving you comfort.
      I want you to know that there are many people, here in Gilroy, who have been praying for you for the past two weeks. I belong to a woman’s interdenominational Christian Group and we will continue to pray for you and all of your family in the weeks and months ahead. My heart is present with you, sending the comfort and peace that only God can give. with Blessings of comfort, Carol Powell @ 7125 Yorktown Drive.
      PSPlease feel free to call me at 408 847 2782 if you need me to run errands for you, take care of your children, or whatever else you may need. I am here for you.

    2. Libby, I am a friend of one of your friends. Like so many others, I have followed your journey via your blog posts. I have two daughters who are the two halves of my heart. You and Jennifer have made me a better mother – one who reminds myself all the time what a gift my children are. And that it is only by the grace of god or fate or the universe that I am blessed to have them with me each and every day. This makes me live and exist with my children in a more patient, deliberate, loving way. I owe that to you. And especially Jennifer. I don’t know you. I didn’t know Jennifer. But really, you have both influenced my life more than you could know. I know many parents who followed your journey would say the same. And I imagine what little solace that brings you, now, in the aftermath of such a huge loss. I hope that as time goes on, the knowledge that Jennifer touched so many lives will be of some comfort to you. My family lost my brother years ago. I would never assume I know what you are feeling right now. But I know that you are going to make it through this, no matter how long it takes. You take all the time and tears and screaming and hugs and anything else you need to get through the next minute. The next hour. The next day. I wish you and your family the peace and time for healing you so very much deserve. May laughter and joy one day outweigh the sadness. May that day come sooner than later. May your precious Jennifer look after you, always. Xo, Lorraine

  1. Libby, your words have changed my life forever. I will forever take more time. More time to love, more time to appreciate and more time to just be a mommy. I do not allow myself to be on my phone when I should be eating dinner with my kids, i do not allow myself to rush my kids and I try my best not to always be saying ” hurry up. We are late”. Your true true love for Jennifer has changed my life. Every single night I read our blog entry, and every single night I just wish I can take away some of your pain. I will be there on Friday because I couldn’t imagine not….

  2. Libby 🙂
    You are an amazing Mum,I constantly get the WOW factor every time I read your latest blog. You are SO strong, stronger than you know. You will get through this.
    JLK will be part of your family always. She will be talked about,laughed about,cried about and missed constantly. You will talk about her with your children and they will talk about her with their children and so on…

    Wishing I could do more, I don’t even know you,but you have touched my very core through your blogs.
    You are so very loved XXX

  3. I don’t know what to say. I feel there are no words I can give that will take even an ounce of your sorrow away. I ache with you. Although I know not the same way you are aching. When I am overcome with sadness, I think about what she may be doing in heaven. Probably painting her wings pink, or talking to Jesus about anything and everything. And definitely dancing. Dancing in the biggest, grandest dancing room imaginable.

  4. You are always in my thoughts and prayers…the fire will never go out…Jennifer has made an impact on us all and she will never be forgotten.

  5. Jennifer reminds me so much of my own daughter. You’re words have forever changed me. Because of you I try to never to take anything for granted and just slow the hell down. I’m embarrassed to admit I was that mom snapping at my kids in the morning for making me late. No more. I truly cannot imagine your pain. I wish I could take it away, even for a moment. You are an amazing person and wonderful mother. Thank you so much for sharing your beautiful family. I cannot justify or remotely understand why she had to leave..I’m sure it’s for something much bigger than us. God bless you and your family.

  6. Libby you and Tony gave Jennifer The most precious gift of all and that is 6 beautiful and loving years of her were her guardian Angel and now that she is your guardian Angel, she will always be right there beside you in your heart and those special memories you shared between the two of you will forever be stamped in your heart thats why you will already be a mother of 4…

  7. Libby
    You are forever in my prayers.

    I believe Jennifer was my and many many others
    Angel. I can’t even begin to tell you how much this
    Has changed my life with my children. Ok here it goes
    Just 2 weeks ago I was literally on my knees crying asking
    For forgiveness for being such a horrible mother. I am
    A SAHM here in Gilroy and just felt like I don’t know how
    To be a patient parent I felt my kids were better off without me
    Here at home with them. You see I was wrong something
    Happened to me completely unexplainable maybe a miracle?
    No, it was Jennifer following her story to the end has been a life
    Changing experience for me. Your writing and posting of pictures of ere has made me feel a closeness as if I knew her and also a painful loss too. I look at my daughter Emma 6 and feel such a different
    Love for her it feels like I was blessed with a fresh new love for her and
    My 3 other boys that it has to have been Because of Jennifer.
    Libby I believe in God and heaven and know that Jennifer had a job
    Here on earth bigger than anyone can even know. Jennifer is truly an angel. Jennifer has touched so many so deeply she will be missed.
    Libby your pain is your pain if you are not ready to plan and
    Just want to lay in bed and cry then that’s what you should do I believe family will be there girl you as long as you need.
    God bless your family and lots of prayers for your

  8. Oh Libby, thanks for continuing to write about Jennifer and you! I do not know you but for some strange reason, I feel so close to all of your family. WORDS, yes words, my words, will never ease your pain but…I’m offering, and hopefully, sending a few warm fuzzies your way. Each time I read one of your blogs, my mind goes immediately to the video of the Glitter and Jennifer Dancing… beautiful. Again thank you! And hugs!

  9. Libby, you are an amazing mother. I want you to know that I read your blog daily. It has changed my life. I’m ready to take the next step with you when you feel it is right and work towards changing the face of pediatric cancer research.
    I can’t begin to understand what you are going through but know that there are thousands of us that have been affected by Jennifer, praying and sending good thoughts always.

  10. You will always be her mother, a mother of 4. Death doesn’t change that. You and your family will keep her memory alive. Your story has changed so many hearts and minds, raised awareness, and made people, myself included, better parents. How many people realize their days are numbered and live life to the fullest to have those experiences? Not many. I wasn’t. But I sure as hell am now.

    Do not rush going into her room or changing anything in the house. You will do it when your heart is ready. That may not be for a very long time. But when you do, take the time to drink it all in. Hold her toys and remember.

    I’ve said this before and I will say it again. Thank for for sharing her with us, the strangers, who now are in this fight with you. Your real, raw emotions have touched so many. You have done her proud, and have helped so many who didn’t have the words or the courage to write their own story.

  11. We are here for you Libby ♥ though it may not be physical, so many of us are praying for you & sending you virtual hugs.

    I so appreciate your sharing Jennifer with us & your continuing to blog. Just be yourself now – do what you need to do when you need to do it, whether it’s crying a torrent of tears or yelling at God! I’m sure your family will still be around in a week & a half – just let them know you’d still like occasional visits 🙂

    Peace to you & your husband ♥♥♥

  12. You will always be a mom of 4, always. JLK will always be your family, your daughter. I am here as your friend, listening. I will be here for you whenever you need, however you need for as long as you want. Xoxo

  13. Maybe that’s why there’s no different word for a mother who has lost her child…because it doesn’t change that you are and will forever be her mommy. You’re still her mommy. You’re an angels mommy. So many hugs, and so much love to you.

  14. You are an amazing mom of 4 and will go into her room when the time is right for you. Please don’t be so hard on yourself. Thank you for sharing Jennifer with all of us and we will be here to give you love and support beyond a week and a half, as will your family. Focus on honoring her memory at her celebration of life and know that you are surrounded by all of us, near and far away, to try and help your family through this time and beyond.

  15. Forever 6 and forever a mother of 4. Libby, I found a quote from my cousin who also lost a child and it really made me think of you. May you find love, peace and strength in it. “You can do the impossible because you have experienced the unimaginable”. Jennifer has touch so many lives( including mine) that she will NEVER be forgotten.

  16. Your precious angel has touched us all and we have never met. Each time I think of Jennifer or see a beautiful picture I see my own baby girl. I can only relate to the amount of love we have for our children and what we would do for them. Your feelings, thoughts and actions Libby are right and yours. There is no rule book for grieving or living and NO ONE can tell you how to feel. I can only imagine that is exactly how I would react and feel so please don’t doubt or question what you are going through. I will continue to pray for your family’s strength and help the fight. God Bless

  17. Libby- I am still listening. My heart breaking for you… I think you have more help than you know. I hope no one expects anything from you at this point. You need to grieve. There is no time limit on that. Just remember when it’s all too much, to ask for help from friends and family. So much love to you Libby and tony!

  18. I’m praying for you constantly! Even though I don’t know you, I feel like I do through reading your blog. I look forward to reading it everyday, although it’s absolutely heartbreaking, it’s a HUGE reminder for me to love my kids everyday & not be so busy all the time! I too have a 6 year old daughter & I look at her differently now, I appreciate everything about her & and my 2 older sons, tantrums, drama, disrespect and all because they are here with me! I so wish Jennifer was still with you, but know this, there is a God and Jennifer IS in heaven, just believe in Him and one day you WILL see her again. Until then, please know what an inspiration JLK and you have been to me and SO many others!

  19. We need this blog too. So many of us wait for it. We need to know how you are doing. We don’t want to forget. We don’t want you to be alone. We want to give you our love and strength. We want to make a difference to you. We want to stick by your side. And your message has reached the other side of the world Libby. I was at our Upward game yesterday and a friend said her Facebook friend lives on a small island off of Africa and she received information on JLK. She has friends all over the world and she is passing your message along. You are doing it Libby. You are being heard!!!

  20. Finding the “new normal” is the hardest part. It won’t happen quickly, and it absolutely doesn’t have to. Take all the time you need. More of us than I think you realize will still be here for you.

    I know this is not at all the same as losing a child, but when my dad died, some people wanted to come clean out all of his things while he was still in the hospital, because “it will be easier than having to look at and go through them later.” No. It was never going to be easy, and we didn’t want to erase his presence. Don’t let anyone, including yourself, make you feel that pressure.

    Still sending so much love your way…

  21. Libby, you JLK and your family have been in my thoughts and prayers daily since I was introduced to your journey a few months ago. Sending continued love and prayers your way. Hugs…

  22. Thinking of you Libby and Tony. I pray each day your pain will be a little bit less. The comfort of knowing and believing that your little princess has no more .
    God Bless you and yours.

  23. When people would ask me how many children I have, I would say, “One in heaven, and one on earth.” Sadly, most of the time, they would not understand what that meant, so I would have to explain anyway. One time I just wasn’t up to explaining all of that shit again, so I just said, “Only one.” The guilt killed me for weeks. Just say whatever you need to say, and HANG IN THERE.” The Holy Spirit will be there with you, and so will Jennifer.

  24. Libby, you are an amazing and strong mother. I cry for Jennifer. I cry for you. She is constantly on my mind and so are you. I just want to hive you a great big hug. I cherish my daughter even more them before because of Jennifer and you. I will never ever forget her. I don’t want to. WE will always remember her and keep her memory alive. Thankyou so much again for sharing your beautiful Jennifer with us and also yourself. I am forever changed. If you ever need anything at all or someone to talk to I am not far away. XoXo, Linda B.

    1. My telephone number is 408-413-8645. Please do not hesitate to call me if you need anything at all or even just someone to talk to. All my love to youand your family…

  25. Libby, please know there is another mom in Gilroy praying, pleading to the Lord… for you. For your family. I wish I could take away your pain.

  26. Libby, we’ve never met, but the anguish I feel through reading your blogs and following Jennifer’s life has left me so heartbroken for you, for Jennifer, for your family and your life after your loss. We have a six year old- I look at him and hug him constantly lately. Your loss and pain has been a presence that has helped guide me through each day. There are no words that could ever comfort you enough, I’m sure, but please know you are such a strength to others in your loss and healing process. Jennifer has sparked a fire in so many to become advocates, including our family. Thank you for your real words and we are praying for you everyday. Lots of prayers and love from our family, to yours.

  27. Yes for sure you are a mother of 4. . .no one can ever question that! I totally agree that burials/memorial services here are too quickly. Many other cultures do it much differently and allow the family time to be READY. I know it’s all planned for Friday but suspect it can be cancelled and rescheduled if that is what you truly want. People will understand and we will all come whenever you decide the time is right. Everything has been about and for Jennifer and that is absolutely how it should have been. Now, though, it should be about you, Tony, Jonathan, Nicholas, Charlotte first and foremost. Your entire family has been incredible but I really think even they will understand if you need more time. Just my two cents worth. Sending love and prayers as always!

  28. You will forever be a mother of four for she is still here just maybe not physically. Your strength amazes me everyday. Take your time to grieve. It will come in waves and that’s okay. It’s okay if it comes next week or there after.. It’s okay if you’re busy planning right now. Just keep taking life minute by minute. You’re doing an amazing job

  29. My heart is with you….all day & I think of you if I wake at night. I pray for you & your dear family. Give yourself some grace & time. Go in there when you’re ready. I send all my love & prayers to you.

  30. I don’t know what to write except to say that you have touched me so much & as a mother I will forever hold your story close to my heart. So much love to you

  31. You don’t know me, but I’m a family friend with the Peterson’s and I used to work at the Great Oaks gym. Yes, you don’t know me, but please know that my heart is with you and your family. I wish we could all take a piece of your pain and carry it for you, so that it would ease your burden.

  32. Libby I hurt for you everyday. I look at my 3 1/2 yr old daughter and think what if this happened to her. My first thought is to want to die with her. U are such a strong lady. Tons of love and hugs for u and your family.

  33. It will be a long time before it seems real. I often think my brother is still on vacation or moved away. But I can garentee you that people will still be there for you two weeks from now, two months from now, and on and on. Don’t be afraid to reach out when you need a shoulder or an ear. Don’t be afraid to tell people specifically what is and isn’t ok around you (you will start to figure out triggers to your grief as sure you already have). Everyone is here for you Libby, and I strongly believe the glitter squad was as much for you as it was JLK and will always be there for you.

  34. Oh Libby,I wish I could give you the biggest hug in the world right now. Please know that we are all thinking of you and not going anywhere. And know that there’s no right or wrong way to grieve. Do what you need to do, nobody is judging or expecting anything of you. I hope when you are are ready you seek help from a grief counselo. This is so much to bear on your own. I wish it wasn’t real, I wish I could take the pain away. I can’t so I keep praying. Lots ofove to you and your family.

  35. Libby,

    We lost Suzy’S (my wife) son Sam (my stepson) on January 14th, 2013. He was 17 and battled cancer for three and a half years. We understand some of what you are going through. I have read all of your posts. I see so much of what Suzy has been dealing with in your words. You are not alone. I sent you a private note on Facebook. You can find it in your “Other” messages next to your in box. We want to be here for you if we can.

    Derek and Suzy

  36. I’m loving you from WA and I hope you can feel it. I’m loving you with a broken heart, because I know your pain and I understand it and I feel it. I don’t know how you’ll make it through her services, but you will. I do know that. You will honor her in the best way that only the people who loved her most can- because you are her mother. Just like I’m sure you wondered how you could make it through helping her pass from this world. But you did it. Because you are her mother. You will always be her mother. A mother of 4. xoxo, Nikki

  37. The real is what sucks and hurts the most. It’s not fair that this isn’t a nightmare that you’ll eventually wake from. It’s the nightmare that is reality. Oh, how I wish it wasn’t so for all of you.

    Sadly, there is another mother somewhere who is saying goodbye to her little girl right this very minute. Somehow you’ve survived that – and the few days since. You will continue to somehow move forward. Do it for Jennifer, for all of your kids — yes ALL FOUR. JLK wants you to take care of yourself and her family. It won’t be easy, but you can do it. Draw your strength from her – the strength she so beautifully and valiantly taught you.

    Let us be your strength as well. We aren’t going anywhere. At least I’m not.

  38. One of my very wise friends once said “often the hardest moments in life are ones you endure alone.”

    Another said “We can actually handle (whatever the traumatizing activity is) rather well…it’s the aftermath and trying so desperately to grow and heal that takes forever and is so exhausting.”

    Don’t know if any of that speaks to you. None of it is answers but just stuff I remember. Your kids are helping you to rise up and be present, which is as needful as the quiet moments full of choking sorrow.


  39. You will always and forever be a mother of 4. Sweet little Jennifer will always be with you in your heart..and we will never ever forget her.

  40. So much love and light to you Libby. My heart aches for your sweet family. My mother once told me in an emotionally trying time that on the days when I couldn’t go day by day, or even hour by hour, to take it minute by minute. I didn’t necessarily have to keep putting one foot in front of the other, some days maintaining balance, no matter how many people/objects I had to hold on to, was a bigger accomplishment then running a marathon on a good day.

  41. I didn’t realize until this morning how ANGRY I was for all of your sorrow. I was hurting for you and sad for you, but I was furious as well. I got to church and prayed for you and your family to find comfort and healing, somehow, during this time, and then it hit me, and I railed against God for a bit.

    When our pastor started the sermon, he talked about John 9:3-4: “‘Neither this man nor his parents sinned,’ said Jesus, ‘but this happened so that the work of God might be displayed in his life. As long as it is day, we must do the work of him who sent me.'”

    I have been thinking about your precious daughter and why would God grant her to you only to take her away six short years later. Why would he make her, and your family, suffer. These two short lines helped to put it into perspective- God knew you were the perfect parents for her. He knew you would love her and support her and when she was gone, be the ones to rally in her name.

    I am so sorry you are hurting now. Please know, though, that your story IS doing something for change. So many of us will not forget her, or you. So many of us are praying for you. So many of us are writing letters to our congressmen and donating money. So many other mothers are finding comfort and support in your words. Please continue to blog, if you feel it helps, to keep that spark for change alive.

  42. Praying that writing helps just the tiniest little bit. Be easy on yourself. Sending hugs and love from a stranger. My heart is heavy with the loss of your baby. ♡♡♡♡

  43. Jennifer does need you now. She needs you to keep her memory alive. She needs you to love and care for her father and three sibilings she had to leave behind. She needs you to fight for pediatric research funding to help others not feel the pain your entire family has! Most of all, She needs you take care of yourself so one day you can be joined together again and pick up right where you left off, in each others arms, but this time truely FOREVER! I know you want more but, know Jennifer will always need you! You are her mother!

  44. You and Jennifer have been an inspiration to me! It’s also brought up my own pain that I never even knew I was dealing with when my brother died. I consider myself a good Mom. I live with Mental illness every day and will not stop! My oldest is worth it. I was so caught up in my own grief that I tried to empathize with my Mom but Libby I can see now that a lot of what you’re feeling my Mom went through, my family went through and we didn’t know? You are so much more aware! You are awesome for sharing your family and your struggle with us! You are an amazing Mother! It’s so muddy right now and strange, so hurtful but you are Mom and you will make it! Time, Oh how I hate that sentiment but time will heal and you will raise your children. This past Christmas my son’s and I were sitting in the ‘Christmas room” at my Moms and a hurricane lamp bronze circle jumped off for no reason. I am now able to say…Hey MOM! Peter came to visit! 24 years later….but I’ve seen my Mom not be able to enjoy holidays for missing that my brother could be there w/my kids. Muddy…but I have witnessed how you advocated for your daughter and gave her her dignity and I KNOW that you will make YOUR way and you will be AWESOME! Maybe not today…someday…soon.

  45. You’re going to hurt for a very long time but as a mother (and a very good one)you will learn your way through it. You’re other 3 kids will need you and that tug from your heart will partially be Jennifer helping you to carry on being the wonderful mother for them that you are and were for her. God bless you and keep his arms wrapped tightly around you and comfort you <3 (((())))xoxo

  46. Your story has touched me deeply. My heart is filled with grief, every time I look at your beautiful photos I am touched. My heart aches for you and your family. Jennifer is beautiful, she will continue to be beautiful for always because her spirit will always be right next to you. Look for the dragonflies because she will be sending them to you to make sure you know she has never left you. Every photo I have looked at and every word I have read has reached out and touched my heart. If I never read a word that was written, the pictures would speak for themselves. And the word I see is LOVE. One constant in her 6 years was deep love. She came into this world loved and she crossed from this world back to Heaven feeling tremendous love. You picked her and she picked you and she will never leave your side, until you meet again. I’ve heard life here seems so long, but Heaven’s time is so quick. I need to remember that to make it through when I experience this unending heartache. Because we all will experience this one day, and life happens unlike we planned. Thank you for being an inspiration to Mamas’, I will hold my daughter tighter and be even more thankful for everyday because life is so very unpredictable. Jennifer will stay in my thoughts and heart for a long, long time, I’m certain I wont forget. Much love 4 JLK.

  47. Libby,
    Thank you for having the courage to share your story, I feel truly blessed to have “gotten to know” JLK from your blog and words can’t describe what I wish I could say in your time of loss. You have taught me not only to appreciate all those in my life with so much more depth and love, but you have shown me a great example of a tremendous mother. I only hope I can be a fraction of a mother as you are one day. God bless you and your family!! You forever have a glittering, gorgeous, guardian angel!
    Praying for you and your family!

  48. I’m scrapbooking, and I start looking in a binder of other layouts for inspiration. I came across this layout by Veronica Ponce, Miami, FL; a Creating Keepsakes page I had cut out. I think it’s meant for you.

    Forever Eternal
    this love


    Our love is not measured in time.
    There was no beginning
    There will be no end.
    It has existed always.
    And it always will be.
    Forever, my daughter.
    Forever, your mom.

  49. Libby & Tony and family,
    I am struggling with what to say…we had a son pass away a little over 2 years ago. It seems like another life, I know I am a different person now…hopefully better but I know definitely still grieving. There is no time frame and I didn’t read any of the books or anything yet on grieving or dealing with death that we received, they are on my bookshelf for when I am ready. The one piece of advice I received and I have remembered everyday, was to realize that everyone grieves differently and just because your grief and your husbsnd’s grief, or your sister’s grief don’t look the same, it doesn’t mean it’s not happening. I also told myself that I would have zero expectations on my own process, I’ve never done this before so if I cried, it was ok. If there was a day I didn’t cry, it was ok too. I tried to cut myself some slack. I still had 3 other children at the time to take care of and I did the best I could in my fog of sadness, and there were others who would pick up the slack if needed. We are doing better now…but there will always be a hole where my son should be, and that’s ok. It means he was loved tremendously that we miss him with every breath, still. And always will. Do what you need to do to feel like you are grieving in the best, healthiest way for yourself and your family. Jennifer will always be yours, there is a God, there is a heaven, and one day just being won’t hurt so bad. Until then, hang on, cry, smile if you want. Take the time you need. I really wish this never had happened to anyone, having a child pass away is a deep, deep pain, unimaginable if you have never felt it, but I have and I just want to hug you because there is nothing else I could do. Take it a minute, an hour, a day at a time. Love to you.

  50. Every day and every night the extra pieces of my heart leave me and fly to you, settling around your family. I feel you, your husband and Jennifer and your littler children inside my heart. I ache for you and wish I could ache more so you can, for one moment not have to ache alone. I pray. I pray. I pray.

  51. It has been almost 10 years (wow) since my mom passed away and there is still a part of me that is waiting for her to come back. It still doesn’t seem possible that she is gone forever (physically that is). I have come to think that feeling is a coping mechanism. The enormity of losing someone you love that much forever is too huge so your mind just won’t truly accept it. I mean really I don’t know. But at first that feeling felt so cruel and now I think it helped me survive.

  52. May He comfort you and your family in this time of need. My family prays for yours with our deepest sorrow for the loss of your daughter. The family of the ChadTough Champions mourns for your loss. I hope that the love that we are sending your way eases your pain.

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