Cancer survival day. 2 years ago I didn’t even know something like this existed.. and if I did it was simply a blip in my day. Not a grinding and scratching reminder of what Jennifer is not. I thought it would just be one day staring me in the face. I was wrong. There is […]
I have been so busy with Unravel things lately.. I have found little time to truly grieve. But now I have a empty and quiet home. My living babies tucked safely in their beds and my husband out with friends.. I sit and I stare off.. and I cry. So much. Unable to really even […]
Baby Charlotte is 2. I have never had a 2 year old without a newborn on my hip.. She was supposed to stay the baby of our family.. she won’t. And we are so very grateful for this new baby we are waiting to arrive.. but wish I could have all of them here.. Its […]
Guilt. It is a nasty poisonous thing in this life of child loss. It pushes down the good memories .. it drowns out the happy sounds.. it chokes me making it a struggle to catch my breath. guilt. I made mistakes. Normal everyday mom mistakes with her. I yelled when I shouldn’t have. I overreacted.. […]
Death changes everything.. one thing I have really noticing rising the the surface lately though is perspective. The boys were sitting with Tony eating lunch mimicking him. That natural adoration little boys have for their Daddies.. how they watch the way they drink, eat, walk and dress and then try to do it the same […]
I am in a phase where looking at Jennifer’s pictures I start to smile.. it starts to fill me me warmth like the one above.. how happy and confident she looked. I remember taking that picture and lamenting with my dear friend how quickly it would be real that our two girls would be driving […]
Everybody has a skill a talent.. something that is special and unique about them. A way for them to give back..Everybody has a story to tell and I am able to tell my publicly. .. But at the center of it.. My truest calling.. now. I am a cancer mom.. but specifically one to a […]
I spend a lot of time, a few hours a week going to counseling or taking Jonathan to a session.. But if it helps its all worth it. I think for us we are doing this the best way we can.. and we happen to need the help to do it. My goal is that Jennifer’s […]
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