small change

I have so much to do right now for Unravel. I am trying to get a few of my blogs selected in different contests.. a way to reach a new audience. We are trying to get a informational video ready and a new brochure and 2 MNOs and so many other things I should be working on.

Including our Facebook page. But instead when I opened up FB to go to our page I first noticed there was post by my friend Heather. .. a link to her blog post about recent photo session she had done. You can look here.. I encourage you to look. Fall in love with this family the way I have.  And then get so angry. Because it doesn’t have to happen.

I look at this mom. Who is now one of my close friends and my heart breaks. Because I know the ache she is carrying.. the mix of hope and anguish all rolled into one. I look at this Dad. I see the burden he carries.. the impossible weight on his shoulders to try to support his family financially and emotionally while being confronted with his worst fear. And little Wyatt. Innocent and loving. With just the perfect hint of mischief in his bright eyes.

But then I see the little girl. A big sister my Jonathan’s age.. with the heart of my Jennifer. I want to save them all… but her, this little girl most of all.   A sister and a daughter forced on this path of cruel turns and jagged edges. I wish I could fix this for you Lillian.

Big sisters are truly amazing creatures. She loved to see them happy
Big sisters are truly amazing creatures. She loved to see them happy

I wanted so hard.. so much for Jennifer to be the first to survive this thing. There has to be a first and more than I have ever wanted anything in my life I wanted for her to be the first. I shared that wish with Wyatt  the moment I first met him in May at a 5k. 

I can’t even explain how much I long for that day. To know we have really made a difference .. to know that lives are being saved. Lives of the kids with cancer.. and their whole damned families.  For that day I don’t have to see pictures of families and know the feelings and expressions on their faces.

 

A weight these fathers must carry.
the weight these fathers must carry.

Working on the brochure my mom edited a line to say that the researchers have the ideas.. and they have Jennifers tumor.. now they just need the funding. And I think it really hit home with me. I look up now as I write at her perfect smile and white headband for her kindergarten picture .. and I want that change to come. I look at the keepsake with a little of her ashes inside it right in front of those bright sparkling brown eyes.. and I want her not to just be dead and gone.. I want her to be making a difference. I want her tumor cells to be part of saving other kids. Because Jennifer would want that. She never liked to see people hurting.

My proudest moment of her life was one I found out about after she was already gone .. I wrote about it here. .The way she reached out to somebody in need not for any accolades but because it was the right thing to do. I know its what she would want to still be doing.. I know that’s the part of her still living in those horrible cancer cells.. its that part of her that loved the feeling of helping other kids.

And because of that.. because of Jennifer and because of Wyatt we are adding in just one more component to Unravel. That every event we host we will find a family to support. It has always been a piece of the Mamas Night Out recipe but now it will be a part of all of our events. Like the upcoming race and our Team Glitter.. I want to help support the science that will find the cure.. but it also feels really good to do something for families in the midst of it all.

This addition has been in the works for a few days but the board vote made it official. And to end my night looking at pictures of this sweet little boy and his family.. and looking up at her picture on the mantel seems about right.

Every family we help as Unravel.. Wyatt will be part of it because he is the one that made me remember to honor part of what made Jennifer so incredible.

Kindness.

Deep and pure.

change

…until there is a cure..

10 Responses to “small change”

  1. You are doing such an amazing job. Change is coming. Thinking of Jennifer everyday. Saying her name. For them because of her. And thinking of all 6 of you always. ♡

  2. You, your family, and most importantly Jennifer are a blessing to this world and to this cause. I know its not the journey you wanted, but you are such an amazing person, Libby. Probably the person I look up to the most. Thank you!

  3. I KNOW, deep down in my heart and soul, that Jennifer’s cells, and the funding from Unravel, will do great things in finding a cure! Helping families as well as research, is such a great idea.

    I am sure the burden you carry feels incredibly heavy, but I know the work you do through Unravel, and the work you do with your kids and husband, will all be worth it in the end. You inspire so many.

  4. When all your hard work, love, sacrifice and loss bring about change, I am going to party like a rockstar! Jennifer is making a difference! You are making a difference. You are right, it doesn’t have to be this way!

  5. Still hoping and praying for cure. Thinking of you, your family and Jennifer…until there is cure…and forever after…

  6. The reason I have fallen in love with Jennifer, is her big heart. I am around many 6 year olds, all lovable , all great. NONE like Jennifer, NONE. Her charisma comes from what she gave to others, even when she was ill with the pictures as witnesses we all see her caring nature. Oh please , oh Please LIBBY! Be assured she is so proud of Unravel, she is so proud of you , Tony , her sweet Jonathan , Nicholas and Charlotte and her very own sparkly Glitter Team. Thank you for making a difference.

  7. You are an amazing person I pray for you and your family everyday I will forever love Jennifer even though I didn’t know her . Thank you for everything you are doing to make a difference, …. Until there’s a cure.

  8. I became aware of your blog via a friend’s news feed. I am a mother and a 4th year PhD student in Pharmacology. Jennifer inspires me every day through your voice. I am so sorry you have to go through this pain. Thank you for raising awareness and helping remind me (especially on the most frustrating days in the lab… when I want to give up and go home to be with my babies) why bench science is so important. I work harder because of Jennifer (because of you).

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