Looking through the pictures for that last post really got to me.. About what pediatric cancer really looks like.. Its not just bald kids.. or swollen faces. Or feeding tubes and barf bags.. Often times there is something even worse that all of that.. being left behind. And […]
Will it matter in a month? That’s it for me. That is the parenting question to end all questions. Last night Nicholas was being really disobedient. . He was warned. He lost 2 lesser valued objects. All that was left was his “friend” (his lovie .. his version of pinkie) and his pacifier. (that he […]
Bereavement camp.. Who knew right?? I had no idea places like this existed.. actually let’s be honest I had no idea there was a need for a place like this to exist. I knew kids died.. I even had an idea a few died from cancer.. but that’s rare. .. certainly too rare to have […]
Music moves me…music permeated today… this song is the theme song for the first half of today… 2 months come… and gone.. This morning was really hard for me. We drove to Monterey… to be near the ocean and eat breakfast at a little place we really enjoy. Last time we were there was about a […]
2 months ago.. I was holding her. feeling her heartbeat…hard and fast… Tomorrow 2 months ago that beautiful heart finally succumb… stopped beating. The distance between me and her life grows…every time I go to bed another day is added allowing the gap between our time together to grow…but also a day closer to reuniting […]
A month and a day ago…this was me…this was us Because a month ago right now..I was holding her. Waiting for her to die. I didn’t blog. I think most people knew when there was no new blog a month ago today…that her time was coming… fast …too fast. Nursing the baby to bed tonight […]
I parented…I mean like really parented her up until the 10 days before she died. I am reminded everyday I walk by the sticker chart I made her right before we left for our make a wish trip. I’m glad I did that. I remember my mom saying to me (before we knew it would […]
Today I just couldn’t. I stayed in bed til nearly 4. Luckily my parents had the boys and Tony, my sister and my friend took turns with Charlotte. We did go through the stack of boxes of medical equipment finally. Today marks 2 weeks since she died… tomorrow marks 4 months since her diagnosis… …and […]
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