love of a father

Guest Blog by Jennifer’s Dad

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Libby asked me to write something from my perspective. My wife is an amazing writer so I ask you to cut me a little slack 🙂

I guess I will start from the beginning…Libby and I met at a friends wedding about 16 years ago. She was in the wedding and I came up from San Diego to attend. Turned out we had some of the same friends all through out high school, but I had never met her (we always say if we knew each other then, we would not be here together now). We would talk every once in a while when I would call up to the “hangout house” and she would be there and we would grab a drink when I would be in town, but we were just friends.

I moved back up to the bay in 2002 and met for a drink on St. Patty’s day with a couple of friends. From there it was pretty much history. 2 and a half years later and we were married. I actually kept her guessing a little along the way. About 2 months before I asked her to marry me I got her name tattooed on me…thank goodness that worked out!

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** a vacation just a few weeks before Jennifer was born**

About a week after we got home from the honeymoon I was informed that we had been trying to have a baby and we are having trouble….wait, what? You see Libby made it very clear at the beginning of our relationship that she wanted to be a wife and a mom and I was good with that. I just had no idea how quickly after becoming a wife she wanted to become a mom. For some reason, Lib had a hunch that there may be a hard road ahead in becoming pregnant. Unfortunately, she was correct. For the next couple years we had multiple miscarriages and had 5 IVF’s . I gave her shots and held her up when she was down.

This is an extremely hard road on a woman, but men do not talk about it much. I felt useless. I wanted to fix it so badly (that is what I do, I fix stuff, I find solutions to problems). There would be times where I would find myself slipping back into the bottle it was so overwhelming, but luckily I always found my way out. I was also very lucky to have a very supportive company. Not all companies would be as flexible. Only a few people around us knew of the struggles we went through.

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There was a reason for all of it though…this is the road that led us to our Jennifer. The minute I saw her I felt this overwhelming light inside come alive.

Jennifer had me wrapped around her little finger the moment I saw her. I was the first one to change her diaper…I was nervous, but for some reason it was ok. The nurse put her 2 little footprints on the shirt I was wearing and I have it here in the living room. It breaks my heart sometimes to look at it…

I had a coworker tell me that when I talked about Jennifer that I would have this sparkle in my eye. I have always felt that proud feeling when I talked about her, but I had no idea that people could feel/see it in me. She was my princess…daddy’s little girl and she knew it.

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Libby had talked about the bond that Jennifer had with her siblings so I will skip to the bond she had with Lib. Before diagnosis, she was a true daddy’s girl as I said before. Libby and her would have their “teenage” quarrels, but when it came right down to it, Libby was the one she went to when she got hurt. If she was scared, tired, cranky, got her feelings hurt, it was straight to mom (as it should be). Libby is the rock of the family. My job is to help support that rock so it does not crumble or roll away. I feel like I am rambling…

Let’s move on to October 2013. I am at a work training and am in Oakland for a couple of days. During this time, Libby had an appointment with and eye doc for Jennifer due to the eye starting to turn in. I received a call from Lib in the middle of the training and I sent to VM. Then I got a call from customer service at work…then I get a call from my boss and at that point I step out and answer. “Have you talked to your wife?” Turned out my little Nicholas shot a cool new jet plane toy into Lib’s eye, but she was ok. Just wanted to warn me they were in the ER. The next day I get a call and I am told that Jennifer had Sixth nerve Palsy. It could also be a tumor, but we will have a scan done next week.

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“Should I come home?” Lib said no, but I got very scared. To be honest, I don’t know if I was really there the rest of the training and I was thinking that I just wanted to go be with them.

Thursday night I get home and I could tell Lib was scared. Her eye had already changed so much just in the couple days I had been gone. I went to work the next day and it was a really bad day. I needed to go to San Jose, on my way, I get a call from Lib and she said we are going to Stanford and to meet her there. WTF! My mind is racing and I just want to see my little girl and ease her (and Lib’s) mind. I want to comfort them and then hear that she is fine and that we will check her out more next week.

**her first night in the hospital.. the last night before we knew she had a tumor**
**her first night in the hospital.. the last night before we knew she had a tumor*

I got what I wanted; the first person that saw her gave me the answer I was waiting to hear. Everything looks ok go home. Luckily Libby does not accept the first response and always digs deeper, so she was admitted. She is very good at this and always has been. Everyone knows what happens next so I will skip to the treatment portion.

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**one of her first appointments**

During Jennifer’s treatment, Libby, Charlotte and Jennifer all lived up in Palo Alto and the boys and I lived with Libby’s parents in Gilroy. While this brought the boys and I closer together, I have never gone through something so difficult in my life (until she went on hospice). I would work during the day and the boys would be with the in-laws. I would make it home for dinner most nights and I would put them to bed. I would then talk with Lib for a short time and then attempt to go to sleep. At about midnight or so, I would crash out and wake up at 2-4am to read what really happened during the day with my wife and 2 daughters. When Lib and I talked during the week, it was like she was in a fog and I just got the cliff notes from the day. I did not blame her, she was exhausted and trying to keep everything straight in her head for the blogging at night.

I understood, but it was difficult, until it became easy. It was easier reading about it and going through my own emotions in private without having to be strong for her so it worked…for a while.

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I would try and visit them once a week and have dinner with them and then on Fridays they would come home and we would struggle to be a family over the weekend. By Sunday Lib and I had it figured out and then she hauled the girls back up to Stanford for the week. As if this situation was not stressful enough, we found ourselves fighting the first half of the weekend because I ran things one way during the week and so did she. Hard for me because I am stubborn and instead of letting go and giving her the reigns she had been holding with the kids, I thought I would show her that I could handle both like I do during the week.

Looking back, you can see things so clearly, but when you are in the thick of it, you can be blind. My poor wife is living the medical nightmare of our daughter going through radiation and I want to have a power struggle with her when she gets home…idiot. I think a little more than half way through I finally figured it out and took a step back.

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Her final radiation treatment

I will say this, if I could have done it over, I would have taken way more time off than I did and I will for the rest of my life have to live with that regret. I did not get enough time with her and I am pissed off about it. I figured I had more time and that I could not really help during the radiation part of it. Bullshit. I did not need to help, I just needed to be there with my daughter. She was scared and changing so much and I missed that time. I think that it was a very special time for Libby, Jennifer and Charlotte and they all got so close and that is good…but I am very jealous. By the same token, I got very close with the boys and I know that it was good for them and I but still I wish I had spent more time with her.

We had a good time at her surprise Disneyland trip and make a wish trip to Disneyworld, but unfortunately the things that are stuck in my head are the times she threw up and the fact that I had to carry my 6 year old daughter because she could not stand for an extended period of time. That I had to hold her shoe on when I carried her because she did not have the muscle strength to keep her foot straight. That we got special treatment because my daughter was dying…I remember the temper tantrums because that stupid fucking tumor messed with her head.

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I do remember some of the good like the way she looked at me when I would be goofy or the way she laughed with every ounce of her being. The way I felt when she would say the favorite parts of her day were the teacups and the Mator ride.

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When we got back from the make a wish trip I had decided that I would go 1wk on and 1 wk off at work. That never happened…The week I was supposed to go back was the week she went on hospice care and we were told 2-3 months. Libby said maybe a month at most and she was unfortunately correct.

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DSC_0263Watching your child slowly die is probably one of the worst things a person can go though. This cancer took her sight, then it took her ability to walk, then it took her ability to eat or drink, then it took her ability to speak, then being able to swallow liquid meds, then incontinence, gave her seizures and then took her last breath. I don’t understand how we live with ourselves while this beast is out there killing our kids!

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I’m not the political one in the family, but the statistics my wife tells me about make me sick to my stomach. I am just glad my wife is as outspoken as she is and had the determination to make a difference. I am proud to support her in this journey and help anyway that I can.

The final days, I knew it was coming soon. The seizures started and I was afraid to move her, but I wanted to give her a little change in her day so I took her to the dance room to lay on the “snuggle couch”. In the evening we decided that we should bring her back to her room. I thought it had been long enough since her last meds that she would not throw up or dry heave. I was wrong and then what happened next I will never ever forget.

DSC_0502She had a seizure while in my arms as I was trying to hold the barf bag up to her mouth. Her arm went straight out and seam to twist entirely around. I still think I caused it somehow and I can’t shake it (I try not to think about this part, every time I do I completely lose it).

At that point she never came back. She was stiff as a board and seems to have lock jaw with her mouth wide open. Libby never left her side after that. The last day I had a hard time being in the same room with her. It was overwhelming and I think my mind just could not handle it anymore. Libby was basically holding her the entire day and night.

For the next few weeks I think I was numb (there I some days where I think I still am). I thought I was doing great, taking care of the affairs and my family. I think this happened for a reason. Luckily, Libby and I seem to have our weak moments at different times, which allow the other to be the rock and take care of business.

My company was very understanding and supportive. I took the next 2 months off and then went back to work 3 days a week. This is actually my first week back full time…feels kind of weird. It also feels like a life time since she died, but it was only 4 months ago next week…

The month anniversaries are not hard on me like they are Lib. I think the year mark might be hard, but what really gets me is the holidays and events. She was supposed to graduate kindergarten and I was supposed to surprise her with something special this past Wednesday and instead I was working and comforting my wife who was overwhelmed with emotion. I could not attend the graduation like my wife. Not that my work would not let me (they would) it was because that would be way too difficult for me to handle in public.

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Since the numbness started to wear off I have to take some time every week to deal with the death. I force myself into this space that I hate. It leaks out a bit around the family but for the most part I need everyone to leave the house and I then deal with my emotions. I just have a very hard time doing it around other people. The problem is that if I don’t deal with it, then I start to get very annoyed with people. Family, friends, coworkers, and complete strangers; I am almost looking for people to say the wrong thing to me, looking for a fight. I also have visions of just driving away to some other state where no one knows me and I can leave this craziness behind. I love my wife, but thank goodness we have other children. I am a weird one, I want to fight and flight at the same time. I am also confident in our marriage so I can say this kind of stuff without her freaking out!

If there is one thing I can say to describe what the father is going through is that the man may look strong, but he is forever broken inside. This is not to say that I don’t love my other kids as much as Jennifer or that they do not bring me happiness and joy, because they do and I love them to pieces, it is that there is a giant hole that will never be filled no matter what else happens in life.

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80 Responses to “love of a father”

  1. Thank you for sharing your feelings, especially those during the dark times near her passing. We’ve got 3 kids; 2 boys and 1 girl. I completely understand what you mean about being wrapped up around our daughter’s fingers. There’s just something special about a dad’s love for his daughter and vice versa and it’s so obvious that you two (and the rest of the family) shared that special bond. I also wanted to thank you for sharing these photos; the one of her gripping your finger conveys so much love. It’s my hope that your voices will bring more attention to pediatric cancer and with it more funding that it desperately needs. Again, thank you.

  2. This was a beautiful, heart wrenching post. Thank you so much for sharing your perspective. Your family is always in my thoughts… Jen

  3. Reading through tears and so mad that you and your family had to go through this. Jennifer is one lucky little girl to have been blessed with you and Libby and such a loving family. Sending hugs, love and prayers.

  4. I am so sorry for your loss! I am so sorry Jennifer had to go through what she did. You guys are an amazing couple, and are amazing parents. Jennifer was SO lucky to have you! Thank you for sharing. I cannot imagine what you guys experience everyday! I will always keep all 6 of you in my prayers!!!

  5. Tony, you don’t need slack – you did an awesome job! My heart, thoughts and prayers are with you, Libby and your family. I only wish I could do or say something other than “I’m sorry” to help. God Bless. Thinking of you, Libby.

  6. Wow Tony. I am sorry you and Libby have had to endure this unimaginable horrible loss. You And she make quite a dynamic duo. You writing is awesome. Through your words I felt the raw pain you have carried. I appreciate you taking the effort to do this. It is so helpful to know some of what we should do when talking to bereaved parents.

    Having seen people experience seizures for different reasons my gut tells me it wasn’t you… It was that stupid fucking cancer. Cut yourself a little slack on that. You loved that child and would never hurt her!

    I wish you had had a lifetime that was longer than six years with Jennifer. It just makes me angry that we spend so much money on crap and not enough to fix this problem. Hugs to you guys. And peace to each other.

  7. I am sorry. She should be with you. FU Cancer! I wish R.I.P. would mean “Return if possible” I am sorry.

  8. Again I cry , my heart hurts , my body can’t stop shaking, I’m sorry Tony, continue taking care of your beautiful Libby,you both are lucky to have each, I think and pray for you too, I feel like I know the the family , but to be honest with you I wish I didn’t don’t take this wrong but this only means JLK with be home , I lice your little beautiful family all six I’d you, I here to help if you need me , I’m dont work on Thursday and Friday, I live in Gilroy, I’d you just need to get away with Libby, I’ll watch the children, feeling free to call me , 408 930-7949 , Hugs Tony Hugs

  9. You both are such amazing parents, and amazing team, I knew it from all of Libby’s posts, but this certainly proves it even more! You’ve got an amazing wife, and I am so glad she has you as well. Your love for your Jennifer and your wife, and other children does shine through in the pictures! My heart goes out to you, and I’m so glad you guys thought to include the daddy’s perspective, often it does go unheard because men are private in their emotions. Thank you for sharing, and our prayers are with you guys always!

  10. Thank you for sharing a Dads prospective. It couldn’t have been easy. Prayers for your entire family, all six of you.

  11. You are both such amazing people, and have so much love for each other and your family. It’s not fair you have to go through this and hurt so much. However, I know JLK’s legacy will be known everywhere….and it will make a change. It has already started. I went to the grocery store the other day and at the check out they asked if I’d like to donate a $1 for pediatric cancer research. I usually would say no…I donate on my own. But something that day pushed me to say yes please, $6 for a sweet little girl that will be Forever 6. I left with a little smile….but also a small tear b/c of the price you had to pay. My thoughts and prayers are with you all of the time. Tony, thank you for sharing your feelings and thoughts.

  12. Thank you for sharing your perspective. My heart hurts for all 6 of you. I wish with all my heart things were different. I pray that you all continue to lean on each other, hold each other up during the dark times, and do everything to honor her. I never knew your sweet baby, but because of her and Libby and your family’s story, I’m in this fight. I’m sorry for your loss.

  13. Tony, I am so very sorry. You are very brave for writing this. It just pushes me harder to want to fight this fight and unravel pediatric cancer.

  14. Tony, I have been following your wife’s blog. Obviously, I have never met you, Libby or Jennifer, but from a long distance away (Minnesota), I’ve been reading, praying and continually trying to send good vibes and thoughts to all of you via cyberspace.

    Thank you for sharing. You and Libby are an amazing couple. I can’t imagine, can’t comprehend even for a second the pain you are living without your Jennifer.

  15. I can only hope my fiancé and I are half as strong as you and Libby. Thinking of you today tony! Much love to the Kranz family from our home!

  16. I am so sorry. I am sorry for your heartbreaking pain. I am sorry she is gone. I am sorry for everything you had to endure, she endured. I am sorry there are no words to fix it. I pray for you. X

  17. You did a beautiful job Tony in sharing your story and for raising a beautiful Angel and thank you and libby for sharing Jennifer with us. We’re all here for the long haul with you and your family for support in all your fundraisers and anything you all may need. Jennifer is a big part of our lives to. Again thank you for sharing Her with us. 4ever6. Love for Jennifer Lynn Kranz.. Big hugs and Angel kisses

  18. Tony, thank you for sharing your perspective. You and Libby and the whole family are always in our hearts.

  19. Thankyou so much Toni, for also sharing yourself with us. You are an amazing fathera and husband. Im so very very sorry. Jennifer will always be in my heart and never ever will be forgotten. And so will you, Libby, Jonathan, Nicholas and Charlotte. We love all 6 of you ♡♡♡♡♡♡

  20. You write just as profoundly as Lib. Your poignant, raw, moving words rip through to one’s heart. I think of you two daily, sending you both love and strength.

  21. Tony,

    Nobody can begin to understand what you have been through. We lost our son (my stepson) Sam in January of 2013 after a three and a half year battle with Ewings Sarcoma. Everyone who deals with a child battling cancer has their own journey and their own realities. My wife was in charge of the day to day while I navigated the medical journey with the doctors. I also took on making sure we had fun activities planned for when Sam was well enough to participate. While I may be a little farther along in the process, there isn’t anything I can say that will lessen your pain. But understand that you are not alone in your journey. There are lots of us out there who are dealing with similar grief. If you ever want to talk about your journey with someone who won’t judge, won’t try to tell you it gets better, please feel free to reach out. Hang in there!

    Derek (derekvb@aol.com)
    Campbell, CA

  22. Thank you for sharing your feelings, experiences and perspective with us. You wrote so deep from the heart that you didn’t need any slack cut. I pray for Jennifer, Libby, you and the kiddos every day.

  23. Incredible strength for being able to share these kinds of emotions – both you and Libby.

    Continually sending love to all of you.

  24. My heart breaks for you (again). I read Libby’s words and cry … sometimes sob. If I read while my kids are around, I can usually contain it enough to not let them know. Today I had to get up and leave them so I could sob without them knowing. Thank you for sharing. I can see my own husband in your words. I continue to pray for you and your family.

  25. you two are an amazing team, and amazing parents. you may not think so some days, but we see it. we see the pure unadulterated love you have for each other, Jennifer, and your youngest 3. I’m so sorry.

  26. Tony, I don’t know if you remember me but we worked together for a while. I had problems getting pregnant, and I remember your struggles in that department, too, and when Jennifer finally came into your life. I wanted to let you know you and your beautiful family are on my mind daily. I am so so sorry that you are going through this. I think Jennifer couldn’t have been blessed with two better parents than you and Libby. God bless and take care.

  27. Thank you for sharing your experience and pain. My heart breaks again and again for all of you. Always sending love and support to your family.

  28. Beautifully said they a Dad’s eyes!! My heart always still breaks for you guys !! Thanks for sharing Dad! You guys are an amazing strong family!

  29. Tony, thank you for sharing this. As a father….I can’t begin to imagine. It makes me so sad what you’re going through. We are still here for you for whatever and whenever you need.
    (I should not have read this while at work).

  30. You write so well. Thank you for giving us an insight into the mind of a father going through the loss of his child. Our society dictates that men must act emotionless in the midst of pain and heartbreak, but this is simply untrue. You are human just like the rest of us. Go through your grief. It is imperative to the healing process. Cry when you need to, break down when you can’t take it anymore, and do whatever you need to to get through this very painful time. I pray that your family will remain strong and your support system will act as extra arms to catch you when you fall and hold you when you hurt. God bless.

  31. Tony,

    No matter what anyone says you will continue to beat yourself up about certain moments and choices. Nobody could possibly plan the ‘right’ moves during such a devastating time and turn of events. Continue to write, it will help release some of that emotion that you hold in. Continue to love and support your wife, kids, and know that you followed the path you knew best with what you were handed.

  32. Tony thank you so much for taking the time to share your feelings with us. You and Libby are an amazing couple. You both are there for each other when the other one needs strength. I am so so sorry that you have lost your beautiful Jennifer. What a beautiful and precious little girl. I never met her but I could tell she had a beautiful personality and she was such a loving big sister. We do not always understand why things happen as they do and we question our faith alot when something this hard happens but someday you will get your answer. Libby is an amazing mother and wife. No matter how tough it is she is always there doing her job. I admire her strength because I do not know if I could do what she is doing. I am praying for your family that God will give you strength and comfort through all this and that someday it will be just a little easier. I wish I had more to say but its hard to find words in a situation like this. All I can tell you is I am praying for your family and that what ever Libby and you are set out to do for pediatric cancer I will do my part to support and spread the word. May God bless you for being such a loving and wonderful husband and Libby for being a strong, loving and wonderful wife!!! Love you all.

  33. Tony, thank you for sharing! You ate an amazing man, husband and father. You have such an amazing family! My heart breaks for you. May Gob bless you Tony! JLK will never be forgotton, i didnt know her but i love n miss her so much! Forever 6

    1. Sorry meant to say you ARE an anazimg man not that you ate an man. Sorry about that. Also wanted to add that I really enjoyed reading your blog entry. You did an AMAZING job!

  34. Thank you for sharing! Love Libby’s blogs, but nice to hear from your perspective as well. I am so sorry to think about the pain you all have been through. No words come to mind that will make you feel better. I don’t know you all, but I feel a strong connection to Jennifer. Maybe because I have a brown-eyed brunette with a spunky personality for a daughter, just like JLK! I can’t put my finger on the connection. But…thank you for sharing. Always reading, praying and thinking about you guys. Thanks for sharing!

  35. Tony, you are an amazing man and we think of you, Libby, and your family always. I admire you both for your incredible strength, dedication, and heart. I just don’t even have words to say how sorry I am for the loss of your beautiful princess. Thank you for writing and sharing. Sending love and hugs from Texas always.

  36. A beautiful Daddy to a beautiful girl. I am always so touched by Libby’s words, but yours are just as profound. No words, but support and prayers always. <3<3

  37. Hi Tony,
    It’s so nice to hear from you. We all follow Libby’s words. I can honestly say we thought Jennifer would be the first to win against this horrible disease, your family is so strong and your girl is a light. God gave you trials that led you to Jennifer because she is special and he knew only a strong couple could take care of that baby. To hear about your sadness and for you to keep it so real is eye opening. I cry often reading this blog because your girl was beautiful special and carried this light in her eyes, I think the blog is right: Done girls are born with glitter in their veins. You your wife and your kids are awe inspiring. Hang in there we are all behind you, and share with us more. The concern is for your family, but the fight is for Jennifer!

  38. You are both amazing, both in the way you scaffold each other and in the way you are both educating & inspiring countless people through your generous sharing of your journey. I pray for peace for your whole family.

  39. Hello Tony, count me in with those that are deeply moved by your story and wish to offer support that may provide some small comfort. Your dedication to your family comes from your loving heart. That heart which has been broken in the ugliest way possible. I can only guess that your motive your to share your story is to just lessen a tiny bit of the burden of grief. I wonder if you realize that by sharing your life journey of struggle you have given us a powerful gift. Through you we learn that by giving your heart away may test you to the depths of your love, courage and strength. That by giving your heart will also mean you have nurtured relationships that can be the support you may need to lean toward for comfort and understanding. That you are not completely alone in that struggle. As a child, I lost my sister to a cancerous brain tumor. In those days most of the sharing of sympathy went to the adults so I learned to cover up the grief. I’m a grandmother of 9 now but I can still feel that painful loss. My deepest sympathies to you and your family. God bless you for the courage to share your gift. I’m deeply humbled by your human spirit and compassion.

  40. Throughout all this, I have not forgotten that there was a completely smitten father who was grieving too. Thank you for opening the door a little so we could see your journey as well.

    You are extraordinary. I can understand the “fixing for a fight” and the desire to drive far away; they both seem natural. It’s a testament to your strength and your character that you keep on each day doing the best you are capable of–which is so much more than many, many others could do.

    Thank God for your big heart.

    Love to you, Libby, and all of your children, present and absent.

  41. Tony thank you for sharing yourself with us and my heart goes out to u and libby. u both are amazing parents. What a tragic ordeal you’re family has gone thru. My prayers and love are for u all that one day your hearts can be at peace and you can know that Jennifer is forever by your side and that u will all be reunited again. I cannot imagine the pain I am a mom of a nine year old my only child I feel blessed thank god I have him . my friend has her only daughter only child four years old suffering from stage four neuroblastoma. I see such pain in her family it makes me so sad. I pray all your other children continue to stay healthy and have wonderful lives.please know u are and always will be a daddy to Jennifer.

  42. No words ….. ( I just can’t find the right ones) Prayers and much love and always in my thoughts. such an impact you have made.

  43. Really interesting to get your perspective on it all Tony. You write well and the emotion came pouring through the screen to me. Your love for JLK and your family is beautiful. I hope you write again.

    Love and hugs to you all from New Zealand…all 6 of you.

    Kerry xx 🙂 🙂

  44. Tony, your family doesn’t know me but I am originally from Gilroy and have been following Libby’s blog for quite some time. You, my friend, write just as well as your wife. Thank you for sharing your story. It angers me that you and your family have had to endure this pain. I won’t give paltry platitudes but know that you are all lifted up in prayer and that Libby has ignited a fire within me to do something to help this fight. I now live out of state but I am working on some projects here in OR to raise money that will go directly to JLK’s tumor fund. I can’t sit idly by while children are dying without the funds necessary. My heart breaks for your family…all 6 of you. Sorry this is so long but I wanted your Daddy heart to know that people are still here reading, listening and fighting for your precious family!

  45. Thank you for sharing this Tony. You are an amazing amazing man and your love for your family and particularly your firstborn is palpable. She was and is blessed to have you as her daddy. Please don’t ever forget that.

  46. Tony, you are able to write as emotionally and from the heart as Libby, don’t sell yourself short. Although I have never met Jennifer or your family I feel as though I know you all. Your strength (regardless of how your feeling inside) as parents is to be admired. Jennifer was very blessed to have the family she has, although you both express regrets the lovely photos of her continue to show the fun times you had.This is the hardest road life will ever take you on.No one is left untouched by the story of jlk and her loving family.

  47. Just beautiful Tony, I’m sure it took a lot for you to write this and you did amazing. It was great to hear from you and know even further what a great team you and Libby are. Sending hugs to both of you

  48. I knew that Jennifer, Libby and your kids couldn’t be as awesome as they are without a great person like you in the mix. Through your writings as JLK’s parents, you and Libby have shown us all that you don’t have to be perfect as a parent. You simply need and want to be present because there is never enough time with the ones you love. Try not to live in the regret now because even if you had been with Jennifer more, it still wouldn’t feel like enough now.

    Stay strong when you need to and break down when you can. Experiencing the overwhelming grief is the only way you can move forward from one day to the next. Implosion and/or explosion just isn’t an option. Your boys and Charlotte still need you.

    Jennifer still knows how much you all love her and miss her. Speaking as a Daddy’s girl myself (and raising a Daddy’s girl too), the special love and bond the two of you shared is something only the two of you understood. That’s the neat thing about relationships. They are unique to only those in them. Thank you for sharing your heart, Tony. Your family is blessed by you.

  49. Your writing “voice” is just as strong as Libby’s. Thank you for sharing a part of your journey with us. May God continue to be with your family as you navigate your new path. Much love to the Kranz family of 6.

  50. Amazingly written. You and Libby are absolute heroes. I can’t say enough how beautifully written this was.

  51. Tony, I respond to Libby’s blog post often. Tonight I am speechless. Without words. Just needed to type something. Anything just to support your words. Incredible. ..just incredibly written. Thank yo u Tony…thank you Tony and Libby.

  52. Tony,

    Your blog spoke to me in the same way that your amazing wife’s words do every night, you are both incredible writers and thank you so much for sharing this.

    From what Libby has written in the past it seems that you are much more private when it comes to sharing what’s going on inside of your head, so while I can’t imagine that this was in any way easy to write, your raw honesty and overwhelming love for your Jennifer (for all of your children, as well as your wife), is so vividly apparent, so beautiful and so heartbreaking.

    Again, thank you for sharing this with all of us. Continuing to send so much love to your incredible family.

    <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3

  53. Dear Tony, you are a fantastic father to all your kids and a good husband! Your words are so touching and heartbreaking that I had to stop reading a few times. I even told about this blog to my husband…
    Please do not blame yourself for anything anymore. Just let love be part of your every minute. Take care!

  54. sending all of you prayers. thank you for sharing Tony. My heart breaks for all of you as you try to find your way through this unimaginable pain.

  55. Tony. . .what you have shared with us all is guttwrenching, inspiring, from the heart and eloquent in it’s own way. No one needs to give you “slack”. . .you did a fabulous job. We are continuing to send love and prayers to all the family!

  56. A terrible terrible journey you were forced to take. Every human has regret about things, but there is no way you could know that your time with Jennifer would be that short. That you did not have the the 6 to 9 months left as awful as even that would have been. You just didn’t know. I pray you remain as insightful and rock solid as you can be and that your precious family continues to find the way to carry on. Never ever deny your falling apart time because it is essential.

  57. You are doing a great job Tony, Thank you for sharing. I love how you and Libby are a great team, I hate that I know you guys this way, from this horrible tumor. I think of your family often, send prayers, support and love. Stay strong for each other. xoxooxoxoxoxoxoxoxo

  58. Hi Tony, we’ve not met before but I’ve ‘known’ Libby since ‘The Knot’ days. While I’ve only met her a few times over the years, I’ve been right there as you two struggled through trying to become parents. And I remember her post when Jennifer was born and coming home. Hallelujah! And I watched, with immense joy, as your family grew over the past years. Libby has an amazing, fearless, loving heart that she shares so freely. It is very generous of her and I’m so glad that you could share this with us as well. You and your family have had an impact on me and I want you to know that. Now I fear that I am rambling but I want to thank you and tell you that I am sending nothing but love to you and your family.

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