Tag: picnic

crawl

Last week we went to the cemetery for our first picnic, just me and the kids. Jonathan’s request. He asked to skip preschool to go there and I promised right after we picked him up we could go. That seemed to assuage him and the picnic plan made him really happy. On the drive to school the boys asked questions.. I found myself explaining to my 5 and 3 yr olds that just like they have a bedroom in our home.. sissy has a grave in the cemetery.. The gravity of that sentence made my stomach lurch. . but the boys seemed to relate well to it. My daughter.. has a grave like they have a bedroom.. a room that was once hers.. There is another little girl buried near our Jennifer. She was almost 2. It was recently her birthday..Happy birthday Emily.15 years they have had to celebrate their baby[…]

Connecting

I think she is connecting us. A week or so ago (I have no grip on time right now) I was lamenting in the kitchen how Jennifer never got to try coffee.. she sent me sign which I thanked her for immediately. I don’t think it really sunk in though. A few days later doing the same thing.. thinking abut all the things she would never get to do while making my coffee Jonathan spoke up. “Remember when you let me and Jennifer have some of the top stuff aka foam” I did… She got to try coffee! A few days ago I mentioned picnics in their room. They, Jonathan in particular,  know about the non profit.. they know that not all kids die from cancer and our goal is to make it so less children die. They know pediatric is fancy for kid. But we don’t talk about my blog. I don’t[…]

will she

5 months. 5 months. 5 months. ..no .. please .. Once the clock strikes midnight I can no longer say 4 months.. it becomes a whole month more.. Today was a good day. We walked to the library , first time we have been there since last summer…I planned to go once she was in school.. but never got around to it. We packed a picnic and ate behind the building. . .  Jonathan remembered from 2 Halloweens ago.. when he had just turned 3 that we went trick or treating there in a nearby building with her preschool class. I try to placate myself with the thought that they won’t remember this time.. but then he pulls something like that.. A strong memory from when he was so much younger.. and I worry. I try to do things she would have liked these days. These days I am suffering inside without[…]

next day

The next day.. Other parents at our bereavement said the Monday after camp is hard… I thought we would slide past that since we are still fully immersed in child loss … no breaks. This weekend wasn’t a rare chance to talk about her death for us.. we still get to do that a lot.. It was in a whole unique way though.. with people who simply got it. With people who we simply got. .. and what we found out… it rocked us. Today was a sad, sad sissy day.. For me and Tony and Jonathan… maybe even Nicholas too… but its so hard to read him. There was a lot of tantruming and acting out from him today.. could be that he is 2… or it could be that he missed her today too..  or it threw him sensing all of our pain. or it could be something[…]