I am haunted lately .. but not the kind I want. Just a deep dark sadness. I am exhausted all the time. Like deep down to my bones tired. Thanksgiving is fast approaching. Our first real holiday since she died. Since she was stolen from my arms. I could have held her forever. I am so grateful we donated her tumors so I had some reason and some purpose to give her the final kiss on her forehead .. the last moment I touched her.. Felt her. She was dead. Thats so backwards. She was supposed to kiss me goodbye.. she was supposed to grieve me. I still can’t figure out what we should do for Thanksgiving. Nothing seems right without her. And when you include extended family there are so many more emotions and hearts to be worried about.. to be sure its ok for everybody. And I am[…]
You never know the lasts..I wrote about that before.. wondering if I would know the lasts as they came to pass.. I didn’t. Surprisingly I still don’t. I got mail for her. Jennifer Lynn Kranz. It was ironically enough from the first eye dr we saw.. the one that said we needed to take her to a specialist. .. that lead us to a MRI that then discovered the tumor that would turn our lives upside down. .. eventually ripping us apart. Will that be the last piece of mail I get for her? The last time I see her name in my mail box? How is that even possible.. my daughter. My should be almost 7 yr old. Sometimes it feels like she is being wiped off the face of this earth. She was stolen from us 8 months ago.. but somehow I feel like I lose[…]
This idea came to me at my sister’s house. She had a neighbor whose house had been “flocked” with all of those pink flamingos on the front lawn. I thought what a great concept to raise awareness for pediatric cancer … Then it happened to me and I found out it could also be utilized as a fundraiser. I am proud to introduce… FLUTTERING Dragonflies live relatively short lives but live it to the fullest.. making an impression wherever they go. Jennifer’s nursery as a baby was decorated in dragonflies and they have always been our symbol for her. They seem to zoom all around until they are over the water, one of Jennifer’s favorite places to be.. they hover there.. wings fluttering.. You can’t help but stop and look at them. We are hoping you are able to help some dragonflies flutter in the month of september to make a lasting impression. For a $25.00 donation, we will send you a fluttering kit, but your time[…]
Another 12th.. experienced and gone.. Much like my daughter. The 12th is so bittersweet for me. Its a day to truly go back.. remember and reconnect .. to feel the overwhelming sadness over her being gone for another milestone in time somehow thats a good thing for me.. but then the ache that the distance is ever-growing between us. We got up yesterday and I asked Tony to take us, me and baby Charlotte and our memories to the beach. We went for breakfast and walked on the beach together. I cried a little .. off and on.. We talked a little off and on.. We bought a ton of candy. It was good. It was exactly what we needed.. time together as a couple. Our concentration being on each other.. not a non-profit.. not raising awareness. .. just each other. Husband and wife.. grieving mom and dad. On the[…]
This experience has showed me the goodness in people. We are so grateful for all the love and prayers, the monetary support and meals being delivered to my men folk back home. I am trying really hard to help JLK see how lucky we are and to teach her to find ways to pay it forward. Its hard to do though since I catch myself wondering why? I am no longer raising her to be a productive adult or a good wife. I want to give her only yeses. It has been brought up that maybe we should send her back to kindergarten after treatment. As a way for her to know she is ok and not be scared that we aren’t making her go. Not gonna happen though, both since I am selfish and I cant imagine not being with her….(that make me pause knowing I am going to[…]
We just received a check from the PayPal account from a list of all kinds of people. It was actually kind of fun to read it together and talk about how we know them. We will be using this gift for lodging and food while JLK gets her treatments. It removes a huge burden for us. I also want to share how very difficult this portion of the journey is for Tony. He is struggling to be able to accept these extreme acts of generosity. My husband is an amazing provider both monetarily and emotionally…I think he struggles with not being able to do it all. So I appreciate this even more if it can lessen the burden on his already heavy shoulders. Thank you.
I’m Jennifer’s auntie and Elizabeth asked me to get this site up and running. First of all, Tony and Libby want to express their heartfelt and deep gratitude for all of the love, prayers and well wishes that have been pouring into them from everywhere. They are overwhelmed with gratitude and amazement at all of you! However, they are currently unable to receive visitors or calls at this time. That will change but for right now, they just need to process everything that they have heard. If you need something or have some information that you think that they could use, feel free to contact me, Ann Scharrenberg Calcagno, my mother, Mary Goggin Scharrenberg or Renee Ridgeway via facebook as we are all on there. So today JLK, Charlotte and their parents met with the Tumor Board at Lucille Packard Hospital, where they were told that Jennifer has a brain[…]