Tag: gilroy gardens

14

I am in a phase where looking at Jennifer’s pictures I start to smile.. it starts to fill me me warmth like the one above.. how happy and confident she looked. I remember taking that picture and lamenting with my dear friend how quickly it would be real that our two girls would be driving off together.. And that it would look just like that.. but those memories then immediately freeze me up. Because I remember she still could be here but isn’t. Somehow lately looking at her pictures is such a stark reminder of how much has changed while she is stopped in time.. locked in memories and photographs. I think its because I am noticing the changes in all of our living kids lately. .. noticing the change in my own growing belly.   We took the kids to our local amusement park this weekend. .. I woke[…]

the longest line

This time last year Tony and I were on the best trip of our lives. A trip to surprise trip to Disneyland with just Jennfier and baby Charlotte. She was 7 months old so totally easy and flexible. The trip was all about Jennifer, what she wanted to do and when she wanted to do it. It was perfect. We had so much fun. She had so much fun. She was so happy to be all done with radiation. We thought this was just the start of a honeymoon period most kids with DIPG get.. a time to make memories and pack a lifetime in. We were so lucky to get gifted two incredible days there. One with a tour guide taking us through the crowded park and the other day with passes for her favorite rides.    We will forever be grateful for the generosity that allowed us to[…]

this last

You never know the lasts..I wrote about that before.. wondering if I would know the lasts as they came to pass.. I didn’t. Surprisingly I still don’t. I got mail for her. Jennifer Lynn Kranz.   It was ironically enough from the first eye dr we saw.. the one that said we needed to take her to a specialist. .. that lead us to a MRI that then discovered the tumor that would turn our lives upside down. .. eventually ripping us apart. Will that be the last piece of mail I get for her? The last time I see her name in my mail box?   How is that even possible.. my daughter. My should be almost 7 yr old. Sometimes it feels like she is being wiped off the face of this earth. She was stolen from us 8 months ago.. but somehow I feel like I lose[…]

8 months

I used to love the Fall.. love when the seasons started to change and the weather got a little crisper.. Loved it getting dark earlier.. I hate it. I hate all of it. Its just leading to horrible days.. ones that used to be so full of joy .. that I am terrified of having to go through. A birthday without her .. Halloween without her.. thanksgiving and christmas and new years.. all without her.. and as time marches and the weather gets colder.. we hit the anniversary .. is there seriously no other word for it?!?! of her death. no. no. no. I used to love halloween. She was due on halloween.. Its not just a reminder that she is not here. For me its more with halloween. Its all the decorations. Tombstones and skeletons.. ghosts and zombies … all things to say that death is scary. …but Jennifer[…]