Tag: friends


Jennifer loved camping. I am so glad we went when we did. We really thought about canceling. Because it was the month before I was due with our 4th.. and well after all we could always do it later. As it turned out no we couldn’t since she would be diagnosed and killed by cancer 10 months after that trip. I will forever be grateful we took that trip. This past weekend we went again. We also went last year. But I was numb still I think. The finality of her death simply had not sunk in yet. This year though. .. it was very real. I kept wanting to think of ways to cancel the trip. Because I just simply didn’t want to go without her. Nicholas asked if we could take a rock to sissy before we went. So while Tony and Jonathan packed the car we went[…]


We did crossfit today. A local place … coast range crossfit has been beyond generous in gifting us a memberships. It’s the first time since I have known him that I have seen Tony truly excited about exercising .. I think it will be crucial component of his healing process. Being active was even a “homework” assignment for him from our therapist… First song for the workout… Brave. It makes me happy also that he is giving our boys this example of taking care of himself in a multitude of ways. I hope we are able to raise them to be well rounded.. not just despite of our grief.. maybe even because of it. A friend watched the 3 youngest for us. The same family that came over to play on the water slide. Its sometimes surprising to me what is a trigger and what isn’t. My boys were so happy[…]


 ***Write down the time. Seriously right now look at the clock and write it down. **** This blog is my lifeline. My connection to her. Its been a wonderful way to keep her alive for me. At night I pour over videos ABCs and pictures of her. Getting to re-live our lives with her over and over again… I look through them until the right one pops up for my writing. It takes a lot of time.. not the writing. The looking through the pictures..the memories. Of her. Of my kids together. hearts beating. The relationship I feel with her through this.. .it keeps me going. .it allows me to forget .. . another day has passed without her… since late at night. ..     I get her again.   I think this connection I still have with her is what allows me to function.. to keep on going… to[…]