friends

 ***Write down the time. Seriously right now look at the clock and write it down. ****

This blog is my lifeline.

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My connection to her. Its been a wonderful way to keep her alive for me.

At night I pour over videos ABCs and pictures of her. Getting to re-live our lives with her over and over again… I look through them until the right one pops up for my writing. It takes a lot of time.. not the writing. The looking through the pictures..the memories. Of her. Of my kids together. hearts beating.

The relationship I feel with her through this.. .it keeps me going. .it allows me to forget

.. . another day has passed without her…

since late at night. ..

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I get her again.

 

I think this connection I still have with her is what allows me to function.. to keep on going… to appear to be so strong. I think I trick my mind into not accepting that she is gone.

But moments hit. I find myself avoiding them.. running and hiding from the pain. Last night it was Evite. I opened it, ready to RSVP until I realized they asked for number of kids attending.. I couldn’t honestly put 4. But no way was I clicking 3. That would make it real.. I just couldn’t do it. . So I closed the computer.

I felt that familiar pounding and swimming in my head.. . feeling like the walls were starting to close in on me.  Choosing to not answer. To hide from it silenced the anxiety… calmed me quickly.

When I considered answering accurately it felt like I was denying her.. .leaving her out. These sudden aches, the ones that surprise me, really bother me. I like to be in control. I like to be prepared. I am the kind that usually packs for a vacation a week ahead of time because I just feel better that way.

I think that’s a part of my struggle with all of this. My total lack of power and control. My inability to prepare her… or me…or my family for her death.

.. .impossible to prepare for something you cannot wrap your mind around actually happening.

Celiacs. A total dietary change. But I was able to grasp it eventually… even deal with occasional slip ups .. I had it under control. Sorted out. But this… her cancer.. every time I thought I had a handle on it.. I was bucked off. Face in the dirt. I would get up and dust off and try again… This last knock. ..the final one..

I get up and look around ..

nothing.

Without her its done. Its over. Yes a war is still raging against childhood cancer.. and I will take up my glitter dusted sword. But this is different… .this is me.. her. Us.

there is nothing left for me to grab onto… to be able to figure out and just keep on keeping on..

.. .rides over. done.

Then a piece of me lays back down in the dirt once I realize that. .. .Permanently defeated. Really no other option seems to make sense.

Another piece of me stays standing. But only a shadow..just enough to keep my kids and husband afloat. The rest of me will never rise up again. never.

Its not just about me though. I am not the only one desperate to hear her name I realized today. Friends happened to stop over when we were doing chalk paint in the driveway. I didn’t really want to go out front but the boys did… I let them take the lead.. (were they really taking hers again?)

side note about that.. Today Jonathan told me we can’t talk to her. That we can only talk to God and he tells her what we say. I kinda like that.. especially that he is making up these connections on his own. ..

So outside with friends the kids played around for a bit and talked about her. He was so happy. Tony and I get to hear people talk about her a lot. The not saying her name or talking about her hasn’t even started yet but already I write about my fears for it… For him though, its already silence.

He hears me and Tony.. he talks with us about her .. but it pretty much ends there. Maybe he hears some other adults and I try to include him in what we are talking about. Its never his peers though.

This evening it was. Writing JLK with rocks … ripping leaves and flowers and grass and tossing it in the air screaming..

“We love you Jennifer”

I watched him. He was beaming, but I missed it until later when we talked and I reflected back on it. I asked him how it was talking and yelling about her..to her. I asked if liked it or not. ..

he didn’t.

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. .because he loved it.

I realized it then. That for him, its like his sister is dead and nobody cares.

Maybe trying to protect our children does anything but… This isn’t to say I want or even invite people to start talking to him about his sister. It needs to be on his terms. This worked because it was natural and organic. And most importantly another child.. somebody on his level.

But it made me realize how it quite likely is from his perspective. Possibly always will be.. since in his life most other kids will not know of Jennifer.

That sucks. I never thought about it from his vantage point…I have gotten so much from other bereaved moms. This makes me look even more forward to getting together with other bereaved families… to hopefully just allow the kids to speak about it…about Jennifer and their siblings in heaven.

I want to shelter them.. to keep them protected in this new world we find ourselves surviving in.. one where some kids die young. . I have worked so hard to be honest with him about my emotions and embrace his. Now I see a new step in this process for him… widening the circle of loss to include more people for him.

We all need friends.. even 4 yr olds…

..no

especially the 4yr old whose protector, confidant, best friend and big sister just died.

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***** Now check the time. Glitter for the day. A child is diagnosed with cancer every 3 minutes. How many in the time it took you to read this post?****

Gilroy Family Photographer | JLK Glitter Shoot-70

 

 

 

 

 

68 Responses to “friends”

  1. Libby, I know you are probably sick of hearing this, but you are amazing! Your writing every single night knocks me right into the reality of so many. You draw us all in with your honest raw emotions. It took me 13 minutes to read tonight (got interrupted twice). That’s 10 children. That disgust me and drives me to do more! You are so powerful Libby, more than I think you will ever understand!

  2. I started reading your posts sometime in January as a result of a few of my Facebook friends posting links in their newsfeed. I hope you know that you have already made a difference increasing awareness about the lack of funding that goes towards pediatric cancer. Not only awareness, but inspiring people to actually donate. I am so sorry that your brave Jennifer is no longer physically here with us. Your writing continues to drive those around you to want to do more. More than read, follow, cry and feel bad about a very terrible, unthinkable, unimaginable experience. Perhaps that is yet another reason you and Jennifer were given to each other, she knew you would help her make the change and be different. Be BRAVE. Hugs to you my friend.

  3. I want you to know that I write to you often. I hate to admit that most of the time I don’t push send, and end up erasing it, but please know that I do write you often. And that after midnight every night,(usually 1:00am), I can’t sleep well unless I’ve been to your page to share in your precious moments and unimaginable struggles for that day, both heartbreaking and triumphant in my eyes. You all have become such a necessary part of my every day life.

    My goal for myself is to learn to stop censoring everything I want to write because I’m so insanely afraid of saying the wrong thing, when I wholeheartedly know that there isn’t a, “right thing,” to be said. I just want to be here for you, and for you to know that I’m here. It’s why back at the beginning of February, I started signing all of my posts,”<3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3," one heart for each of your 6 loves, your family, and in hopes that you could eventually recognize this signature as my love and my, "words," when I just can't come up with those right words to say.

    You are always on my mind, always, always.

    <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3

  4. 3:17 am

    3:22 am

    I wish for peace for your family all 6 of you.
    You are amazing Libby your family is so blessed to have you as there beacon of light. Every day you get up again and keep going for them.
    You are amazing and selfless. Again you are amazing. When the chips are down you are giving all you have in you each day for your beautiful loves.

  5. I wrote the American Cancer Society. I wrote them asking why pediatric cancer wasn’t an option to donate. They wrote me back finally yesterday. this very long research based answer… Seemed like it took the person a long time to write it. It seemed defensive to me… Maybe I just read into it… I wasn’t even rude when I asked- just a simple question sent to their “contact us”. Why is pediatric cancer not an option for donation?
    The reply is long… I will send it to you if you want it… I got lost in it.. Sad! So much information about cancer made me upset.
    Like the person above wrote I have written a few times to you and erased it- not knowing if what I said would make things better for you. I think about you and your family all the time.
    Blessings and love!

  6. One child for me. That’s one too many. That’s why, because of you and sharing your story, my family and I are doing the CureSearch Walk in Sacramento on June 7th. Letters to ACS and our congressional reps are great. I’ve donated to Jennifer’s fund. Now it is time for me to do more, and to continue this fight because of you, your words, and your glitter dusted sword. You may not be ready to fight yet, but so many of us are fighting for you. Thank you again for sharing. I’m a stranger to you, but I am in this now and forever.

  7. Hi Libby … this is Karen, and like Erin said, I am just another friend you don’t know. And even though I have never left a comment before please know …I have read your blog… everyday … I cry with you … everyday … and you and your family are in my thoughts … and prayers … everyday … Everyday, everyday, everyday Libby, as long as you need us we will be here. Everyone who has read your blog, and has had the privilege of sharing just a small moment of this journey you are on … we are here for you… always.

  8. 6:06, and at 6:21 I am still here. I am trying to grasp the number of children dying. They aren’t numbers…..they are someone’s Jennifer. They deserve a fighting chance. I want to help give them that chance.

    I have read every one of your posts, Libby, and will keep reading and aching with you, even though some are almost too much for me to bear. Because we are all in this together…….these are all of our children. And because I feel we mothers are united in our spirits and in our souls.

    Praying that the loving God who holds Jennifer will give you the grace and strength you need for this day. And sending my love to you all.

  9. 10:00, and 10:09…3 more children 🙁

    I am reading and sending you all love and hugs every single day. I wish it could be more.

    I’ll tell God to tell Jennifer that we are all thinking about her <3

  10. Well I started reading but had to stop and I just finished. 6:48 to7:08. That’s nuts. That’s 6, but basically 7. Would I have ever known that without you and Jennifer? Still reading, completely in awe of you. I absolutely see the magic in Jennifer’s pictures and while I would be devastated, I see how you’d be inspired by her- even in her passing. So happy to hear about Jonathan breakthrough. Hoping for happy moments for everyone and moments of clarity as well. So much love for Jlk, Libby and the Kranz family!

  11. Two children for me.
    Because of the previous poster I looked up cure search here in Phoenix and there’s one 2 days before my birthday. I’ve registered and made a group. I know I can get a group of people to walk and spread our glitter all over for Jennifer and all the kids affected.
    You have an amazing way with words, my friend. You have and will continue to reach so very many people!

  12. How ironic. You asked us to look at the time. The time now is 11:11am. As a teenager, a friend of mine always used to look at the clock, and if the numbers matched, she would say, “11:11, make a wish!” I just did. I closed my eyes, and prayed for a cure. Wished for a cure. I hope my wish is heard. I hope I see it in the this lifetime, so that the movie reel of beautiful, innocent babies can stop running through my head because they’re gone too soon. Because their parents received the news, heard the words, that no parent should ever have to hear.

    1. I’m sorry. I didn’t follow the rules. The time I started reading was 11:00am. It took me 11 minutes (with interruptions) to finish. That’s almost 4 children. Makes me physically ill to think about it 🙁

  13. It’s a big hill to climb, but I believe that a mom with a glitter dusted sword can make a difference. You inspire us all and I know many of us will take actions that will add up one day. Peace be with you today.

  14. 11:39 AM- 11:43 Am

    One child was diagnosed.That’s too many.

    Always in my thoughts and prayers.

    Minute by minute <3

  15. We know when we say you are strong that deep down inside you are seconds away from the edge of a cliff…but just acknowledging your very raw pain, your barely holding it together for your family…that humility and willingness to step into your own wounds, makes you a warrior.

    Sometimes, being a hero…an example, doesn’t always feel like it looks on the surface. I am very sorry for that…you deserve better than surviving, but I understand that fully embracing life at the moment is not even appealing either.

    Praying for you, and praying for more awareness and action for childhood cancer…unfair. Kids should not die, ever.

  16. Libby, I emailed ACS the end of last week asking why pediatric cancer was not a donation option. It took several days to receive an answer and this is what their response was –

    “Dear Silvia,

    Thank you for supporting the American Cancer Society in the fight against cancer! Please accept our apologies for any inconvenience in making your donation on our website. Every dollar generously donated brings us one step closer to eliminating cancer as a health threat. Online donations through http://www.cancer.org can only be restricted to breast cancer, colorectal cancer, lung cancer, prostate cancer or cancer research. Please feel free to call our National Cancer Information Center at 1-800-227-2345. Additional donation restriction categories are available at this number.

    Thank you for helping the American Cancer Society create a world with less cancer and more birthdays!”

    I am angry with this response, especially the last part. I am angry for you, for Jennifer, for all those children and families – why are we not seeing the big picture here? I am not 100% sure what my next step will be, but it wasn’t until you that I realized how LITTLE we were putting towards pedi cancer. I shared this with you, not to upset you, but to help you realize that you made a difference in me. Thank you for opening my eyes to see the reality of this.

    My son was complaining of a headache last night and I would be lying if I said I wasn’t paranoid. I immediately thought of you with all your little ones … sorry for every moment you have to deal with Jennifer’s passing. So sad for you all, so angry at it all.

  17. makes my heart hurt for all these children….

    I LOVE THE PICTURE OF JENNIFER IN GLITTER AND THE VIDEO THAT IS SOME AMAZING MOMENTS THAT YOU WILL FORVER HAVE THAT MAKES ME CRY WITH SADNESS AND HAPPINESS… LOVE TO YOUR FAMILY

  18. The time was 7:22. But I had to run after my ten year old to get ready so I just finished now at 9:08 and my heart sunk…
    Your family is part of my family’s prayers and my daily thoughts. Hugs and love always for JLK!

  19. 8:45-8:49 … one is too many.

    @Ashely, I too have written dozens of times and could not send.

    Libby, You are doing “so well” in your process that I am petrified that one of my words/sentences would rock that boat you are navigating so much better than I did.

    From yesterday, we don’t die sooner. Some actually “grab on” to Life and live enough for ourselves and our lost child. It takes time but I know you will be one of those moms.

    See, here I go again, unable to articulate because I keep deleting what I write.

    Love and Light

  20. I just adore that video of her doing the ABCs…such a sweetie, and wanting to see herself-so cute. Such an amazing girl.
    So are you. The first thing I do every morning is check your blog. My husband asked me why I read it if it makes me sad. I told him “I read it to honor Jennifer. I read it so that I can stick with Libby in this journey…I HAVE to read it.” That’s how I feel. I wish I could help more. You, your family and Jennifer are never far from my thoughts.
    I am glad to hear about Nicholas and his happiness when he shouted her name-I would imagine that would bring a lot of comfort for him. What a tender moment.

    One child was diagnosed in the time I read this post. Breaks my heart.

  21. Sucker punch to the gut—- It took me four minutes to read the blog. My girls are playing with blocks behind me and laughing… and living. It is an awful reality… one I wish you didn’t have to personally know.

    Good bless you.

  22. What if we thought about our loved ones in Heaven being like love? Love is everywhere. We feel it strongly everyday in all that we do. I see and hear ultimate love in every word I read on here. Just because we cannot visually see love doesn’t mean it isn’t there.
    Just because you cannot visually see Jennifer with her arms wrapped tight around her brother doesn’t mean she isn’t. She is with you. She has her arms wrapped tight around you. She wants you to keep fighting everyday until your family can be together again in Heaven, at the time it is meant to be. Your fight isn’t over, this life is a fight, a fight to reach your destination. To be all together again in a beautiful pain free loving Home. Jennifer is there waiting for you all, she just arrived sooner than you. This world hurts. Knowing you cannot physically feel Jennifer breaks my heart, but I am certain she is there with you. Just like the love you cannot visually see, but know in your heart.

  23. I know I don’t have a handle on what you are going through, but I know that even in your darkest hour, when you don’t have any of the control that you want, hand on to God, because he does have control and is in control and can give you strength. Hugs.

  24. I dont know how you do it….Stay afoat… When my oldest son left for college, I just thought my life was over.That was just College.. I so admire your strenght..I know as you conved that you are just a showdow standing there,and allthough i cannot intierly understand what you are going through, I do get it…. I want to write on here everyday,it is so hard what to say what to say.If only you could see the tears that are on my face as I struggle to find just the right words to say That one right word that will put a real smile, not a fake one on your face for just a second…. I pray God will find that one word to make you smile today,if only for a minute.. I feel like if you can have just one real smile a day,they may tend to come more frequenly,until your days are soon again filled with them..Not forgetting about your Jennifer, but rather smiling at all the smiles she gave you and continues to give you every minute of every day..

  25. I dont know how you do it….Stay afoat… When my oldest son left for college, I just thought my life was over.That was just College.. I so admire your strenght..I know as you conved that you are just a showdow standing there,and allthough i cannot intierly understand what you are going through, I do get it…. I want to write on here everyday,it is so hard what to say what to say.If only you could see the tears that are on my face as I struggle to find just the right words to say That one right word that will put a real smile, not a fake one on your face for just a second…. I pray God will find that one word to make you smile today,if only for a minute.. I feel like if you can have just one real smile a day,they may tend to come more frequenly,until your days are soon again filled with them..Not forgetting about your Jennifer, but rather smiling at all the smiles she gave you and continues to give you every minute of every day..

  26. 2 to many.I remember the day when my family got the news, I feel so bad for all families going through this.Makes me so mad that these children fight so hard and end up losing in the end.I hate cancer.I never used the word and never told my child she had it I didn’t want to give it power,if that makes any sense.I hope someday that children that are diagnosed have a fighting chance.Continued prayers.

  27. Your words are amazing. I always pray for you and your family. I just wanted to tell you that my best friend lost her son and reading your words and feelings are very similar to her words and feelings. A year after her loss she started a bereaved mom’s group in her town (Livermore) and she said it was the best thing she has ever done. It is her safe place with other moms who know exactly how each other are feeling that no one else can. They have become life lines for each other. Just wanted you to know. Much love to your family.

  28. eDear sweet Libby and family,
    Thank you….for letting me be a part of your journey.
    Thank you….for putting into words what it feels like to lose a part of yourself, your heart and soul.
    Thank you….for bringing attention to the plight of underfunding for childhood cancers.
    Most especially…. thank you for allowing all of us to become part of the Glitter Squad. We all will help you in raising monies for Jennifer’s research fund

    You live in a community that is rich in fundraising opportunities. Once you get your non-profit status , contact me(or before) and I will help you.

    Keep on keeping on, and know that there are many prayers going out for you and your family.

  29. Thank you for sharing Jennifer with all of us and continuing to raise awareness for childhood cancer. We will all be here to support you when you launch the non-profit and continue to be here to send you love and support.

    Hugs,

    Vanessa

  30. Have you thought about making Jennifer tshirts for the kids to wear when they chose to? They choose the color and the photo and words (if any) so they can express connectedness when they want… just a thought. it helped us.

  31. Like the others, you don’t know me but I read your blog and cry and pray for you every day.

    Your Jennifer may be physically not present but you most certainly still have a relationship with her. You’ll feel her, smell her and just know when she’s around. This in no way compares to what you’re going through but I come from a small family, they’ve all passed on, 2 very recently within a couple of months of each other. Because of a first loss many years ago, I’ve sort of figured out my signs when I feel their presence. For me, its usually by smell. It’s strange but beautiful. Another thing that happens is seeing the clock show repetitive numbers like 1:11, 2:22 etc. I was told that’s a sign of loved ones coming to you. It happens for me every single day.

    So don’t discount little things you may experience like a light flickering or little Charlotte looking all around. I truly believe your Jennifer is around you all, she’s not sad or scared…you know you can’t believe that if you believe in Heaven. If you look back to your posts just a few weeks ago, you’ll see how far you’ve come and how strong you are…even if you’re faking it, you’re doing things you didn’t think you could. I look rto your pists when you feel the signs of her around you 🙂

    Much love & peace to you.
    xoxo

  32. Hi Libby,
    Like so many others here, I’ve been reading, crying, praying…just *willing* some kind of peace, comfort or tiny ray of sunshine to you and your family. Reading Jennifer’s story has made an impact on me unlike anything I’ve experienced. I’ve had friends and family who’ve endured loss, but none of their stories have affected in me a desire to change and affect change as much as yours. Somehow *your* unique, honest voice – ringing out to us despite your incomprehensible grief – has given Jennifer’s story wings and a direct line into so many of our hearts and minds. Your voice and your voice for Jennifer are helping others realize the urgency of acting collectively to take steps to find a cure and more effective treatments for pediatric cancers. Though that can’t bring Jennifer back, which makes me SO ANGRY for you, maybe it can make the future better for our babies’ babies. THANK YOU for sharing with us though you are suffering so much.

    Until today, I’ve not written as everything I have to say seems so small in comparison to your monumental grief. When I read the response shared above from the ACS about why there is no way to donate to pediatric cancers, I felt furious. And I felt spurned to ACT. I am happy to write (though I see where that gets us), but want to do more. Is there a petition to make funding pediatric cancer – or at least donating specifically to pediatric cancer – a priority/possibility? Could one be started? Could *I* start one? No more of the absolute BS that is under-funded, under-researched pediatric cancers. NO. MORE.

  33. Only two minutes…but I’m nonetheless moved by the horrible statistic. Throwing grass in the air, loving Jennifer: all good things. It seems like doors are opening for Jonathan, with ways for him to express his missing her. JENNIFER. We will all keep saying her name.

  34. 1 child. 1 too many 🙁

    Thank you for sharing your photos, heart and fight with us. I am right by your side.

  35. Libby, I have been following your fb and blog for about 3 months. I am from NJ and this past weekend I went to Orlando to visit my son and daughter. They live close to Disney so we went to the parks. I can’t even begin to tell you how many times I thought of Jennifer. Every little girl that looked about her age brought Jennifer to my mind. I guess the point I am trying to make is that Jennifer has touched my heart so powerfully and I never had the chance to meet her. I know you worry about Jennifer being forgotten but I know she never will. Especially by the people who had the gift to know and love her.

  36. 5:19 – 5:22
    One child too many
    I read faithfully every single day and each time, my heart breaks for you and for your family. Words can never adequately express the sympathy readers like myself have for all of you nor can we truly understand nor comprehend your sorry but hopefully, our prayers and words offer some small measure of comfort.

  37. Your insight is so keen. Jennifer your boys and Charlotte are so lucky your their mom. I remember one of the first blogs entries I read was the one about a family dinner on an ordinary night and Tony had to correct Jennifer about something she had done and how hard that was on both ofyou. Then I realized that you had also written that treating Jennifer differently was making her insecure. I’m not sure I would have had that clarity. I’m having make issues with one of my children and I can honestly say that I have learned a bit from you and I can make better choices by trying to have the sense you have. And it took 6 minutes to read and any child lost is a child too many. I apologize in advance if there are goofs since I can only do this from my phone right now

  38. It took me just 7 minutes to read your blog tonight, and I do read it every night. I don’t know if Jennifer was buried in a cemetery, but I read a post of one mom who put a sandbox on top of her child’s plot so the other siblings could go and play with her. It was there way to connect and have private time. Oh, how I wish there was an easy way to cope with all of this, but then no one said life would be easy. I pray for you and your family everyday and look forward to your blogs to help me know you are OK.

  39. Two. Two children. Two families. Two more to add to the seven lost today. I thought about you and prayed for you at about 7:45 mountain time. I wondered what you were doing at that moment. I was watching The Voice and two girls were battling to Brave. Even in the every day mundane things I carry you and Jennifer around with me. You are a great mom. Just needed to tell you that.

  40. In the time it took me to read, one child was diagnosed… and as others have said that is one too many…. but what your blog reminds us, is that the “one” can be our “one”…. it is easy to say ‘one too many’, but much harder, almost impossible, to live it. It makes the statistic mean so much more… mean everything!
    We all know there are no words that can make this better.. only words that can express our shared grief for you and Tony, and Jonathan, and Nicholas and Charlotte. That you are trying to see things from his vantage point, makes you the greatest mom. That you are grieving from loneliness but also from a feeling of being defeated and of losing control over your role as her mom, makes you the greatest mom.
    I, too, often write and then erase and don’t send, because we are all searching for the right words, to somehow ease your pain, and ensure we don’t accidentally say the wrong words. But since there are no words, all we can do is let you know that we are here, that you are not alone, that there is support and love from every corner of this world.
    Oh and I heard a story of a family struggling with a similar loss, who allowed their child to pick a picture of their sibling to put up in the kitchen each month. Every month a new picture. It gave the child the input into picking something that was a special reminder for them. Not sure if that would help Jonathan… I really don’t know, but I thought it was a nice idea.

    1. Putting new pictures on the refrigerator each month, I think that’s such an awesome idea, Katherine.

      I’m not sure what the protocol is on replying to each other’s posts on here. I’ve never done it before, and if I’m going to be honest, that oftentimes overwhelming feeling of, “how I can possibly know what you’re feeling and what business do I have even putting my words out there,” is absolutely bubbling up in me, but I’m trying to walk the walk I created for myself, and work on that previously mentioned goal to stop censoring myself so damn much.

      Plus, from all that I’ve learned of you, and from you, so far, Libby, I feel like it would be what you’d want. Or that at least you’d be okay with it.

      Because those thousand, upon thousands, of threads Jennifer’s created are intertwining, over and over again, growing noticeably stronger every time. From what started out as handfuls of powerful and absolutely captivating glitter, to turn into something so defined, so vibrant and unbreakable that you can’t help but notice it. It’s everywhere. She’s doing it. <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3

  41. 10:29 -10:39 that means 3 children , this breaks my heart. I read your blog everyday and keeping your family in my prayers.

  42. I have read, and re read so many of your blogs. In that time… today, tonight…so many children have been diagnosed. Makes me sick! We will never forget Jennifer. Tonight, we watched the voice. Two girls sang Brave…
    I was in tears, thinking about your beautiful, courageous daughter. The glitter photos! That infectious smile, beautiful brown eyes! I will be hanging a sign in my daughter’s room… “some girls are just born with glitter in their veins”. She will be remembered always!!

  43. Walking by my computer as I read this blog, my own daughter caught a glimpse of Jennifer in her glitter dress and asked if we could watch the “Brave Jennifer” video again (for the 10th time, at least!) She just loves that video, especially the part where the glitter gets in Jennifer’s mouth and she sticks her tongue out. Her second favorite part is when Jennifer throws glitter on you! I love that this video, and Jennifer, and you, in fact all of you, are part of our family now. I cherish you, I think of you a great deal and hope for you, and send love your way. Somehow, I know it reaches you, Libby. I hope you get just what you want from your trip now. Much love. Dawn

  44. When your kids are a bit older, look into Camp Okizu. It’s a camp for kids, siblings and families that have been touched (punched) by cancer. They have SIBS camp for your three babies here on Earth and then family camp bereavement weekend. I had cancer as a child and Camp Okizu was the best place. My little sister went to SIBS week and had a lot of fun, too. She didn’t have to explain anything to anyone, everyone there, every kid, had or had had a sibling who had cancer.

    Sending love to you guys.

    – Steph

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