I am struggling to find the balance. I write and I miss Jennifer so terribly.. I look through pictures to add them to my words. And I see how quickly and special my time with her was.. And I realize how quickly this time is passing me with my surviving kids.. but Jennifer died. Cancer […]
Its almost here.. That invisible yet powerful clock has almost come full circle.. .to mark off yet another year without the girl that made me a mommy. i thought that was it. i thought the brutal road to being your mommy meant i paid my dues. .. Sunday will mark 3 years.. 3 years since […]
Its February. Its here. This month that fills me with such dread.. Its here. And with her she brings my old friend.. Grief. True. Utter. Grief. Grief that hollows me out. This friend. The one I can’t remember not knowing, yet somewhere along the line, I was able to put in some separation.. Able to […]
Almost 3 years. I said those words aloud to another DIPG parent last week, a Dad just starting out on their journey.. and I haven’t been able to shake it. .. 3 years. Its been almost 3 years since I last held my daughter. Since I last smoothed the hair from her face.. And whispered […]
She should be 9… I am a mother to 4 beautiful, blonde haired, blue eyed living children. They attract attention. .. and are the catalyst for conversations. I often get asked if they are all mine.. or hear comments that my hands are full. If it ends there I will leave it.. but often the […]
I am out of control. Watching Jennifer struggle. Witnessing her slow and painful death.. I learned I have no control… And now.. I constantly feel like I am being battered by wave after wave of emotions. I wish I could control my mind better… I wish I could control the triggers.. know when they are […]
We made it through the holidays.. It wasn’t pretty a lot of the time.. But really thats not my goal anymore. Its just to make it through. To celebrate the joys.. and be ok with the sads. To say good riddance to the passing of a year without her and try to not dread the […]
It’s always amazing to me.. how things seem to happen. I desperately want to meet her again in my dreams.. so much so that I think I miss the ways I can see her in my day to day.. Especially right now. I just miss her so much that everything hurts. And to exist.. especially […]
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