I am not alone.
It’s a big piece of why I still share this blog. Its harder to do now. I feel so much more drained when I write. So much more exposed now .. But I share because of the notes I get from others in my shoes or from those loving somebody else that is in my shoes. It’s why I share.
I went for a run on the beach while we were there for her should have been 8th birthday. I often do that when we are at a beach, but this time I connected to it in a different way.
I always look at the ocean and remember that saying about there being as many souls in heaven as drops in the ocean.
I believe that. I sensed that as I held her as she died. The fullness in the room beyond anything I have ever felt.
I ran and I looked at the ocean and I thought of her in there. .. Because she loved it and even though the ocean always scared me .. it never has her.
It’s why I always write her name at the edge of the water. To have her letters washed away with the waves. I never watch it happen but I know it does. I know her name was there and then is carried away. For some reason I like that.
Just us on the beach. My footprints and hers on her first birthday.
I looked down as I ran. So many footprints. So many others have already walked through this thick sand of grief before me. So heavy and hard it was often slow moving for me. There were times I had to slow to a walk.. Or even just stop, feeling like I was completely spent.. a few moments to shake my legs out because they were so tired.
So many have tread this same path. And survived. In that moment .. a fleeting moment. I had faith in my strength to survive it too. So I looked back. Immediately behind me I could see my foot prints. I could see the steps I had just taken and I could easily remember how they felt. But I scanned further down the beach and my steps were lost.. I couldn’t tell which were mine anymore.
But I knew they were there. Though I couldn’t exactly identify where, I could remember the areas that I needed to stop and catch my breath.
I never gave up though. I eventually started moving again. And in that moment I looked ahead and knew I always would. Even when I don’t want to. I know I will. I will follow the prints ahead.. and leave a path for others to follow.
I took my picture and I started up again. Running alongside the ocean.. full of more drops than I could count. One of them being more precious to me than all the others.
run ahead baby girl
wild and free
one day baby
one day
i will join you.
..until there is a cure..
This is beautiful and powerful. I can’t imagine what you are going through. I have followed your journey for a while now. Fell in love with your Jennifer like so many others. I pray for your family daily. My third daughter will be born this coming March. Her middle name will be Lynn. We decided on it I thought of your Jennifer. Thank you for sharing her and your family.
Libby,
What a positive message for all who are struggling, even though writing it is difficult. Such a message of hope. JLK shines through in my thoughts every day, and I strive to do “for them” because of her in all I do. And this would not be possible if it was not for your sharing. Thank you. Emily
This is so beautiful, deep, profound, meaningful, poetic, and truly inspiring. Thank you!
What a perfect analogy. We continue to support Unravel because I know one day, no more footprints will have to follow yours. ???????
So beautifully written. JLK <3
I’ve read every post you’ve shared and look forward to meeting you and Jennifer both someday. I really hope you write a book. You have such a beautiful way of bringing others into your feelings that I’ve not often seen and I read all of the time. Thank you for continuing to share with us!
awesome you are. Precious she is. Thank you for letting us share.
Thank you for continuing to share with us. This may have been your most powerful post; at least to my heart.
Thank you Libby. Always thinking of you. Always sending love.
Beautiful yet heartbreaking post?. I will continue to spread Jennifer’s glitter and ONE day there will be a cure. LOVE4JLK always
tears at this profound post. I love you and your family even though I only know you from a screen. you have my prayers.
First off I am so sorry for your loss… I have found so much comfort in reading all your blogs. I have a now 15 yr old niece who died of glioma blastoma brain stem cancer when she was 12. For other reasons I was not able to attend her funeral an I felt horrible. We were so close I started taking care of her with my sister right away almost. We did everything together an I miss her so much. I’ve been trying to deal with it an it’s so hard.. I love an miss her so much an I watched the video of your daughters service and your speech was amazing. I found comfort in all your words. I want you to know that your such an inspiration to me. I hope your doing okay, your in my prayers along with your family. Good bless you All. .. Love *team ylija*
I am sorry your family has had to know this pain. Thank you for reading and sharing your niece with us