day after

My thoughts are jumbled.I am so tired.. circling the drain…

Milk in the pantry cereal in the fridge kinda day.

Yesterday just totally drained and exhausted me.

.. .dehydrated me.

I could have stayed in bed all day. But I know thats not fair to Tony or the kids.

I got up and realized I hadn’t yet opened the package I got from Amazon the day before… so while trying to seem happy with the kids I did…I shouldn’t have.

It was Frozen. I had pre-ordered it for Jennifer. .. and me. We were supposed to snuggle and watch it. It was going to be a great surprise for her.. I thought I had cancelled it. .Those sudden things that knock me over are hard.

A friend came over today. Her boy ran and played with ours. That made me happy. Apparently Jonathan met them at the car. No hi or come in. Just..

“Jennifer is in heaven now”

I wonder so much whats going on in that boys head. I have all kinds of guesses as to why he said that. But obviously I cant really know..

DSC_0427I talked to her a lot today. Just walking past her room and saying something. Or while Jonathan and I baked gluten free banana bread I talked to her. I thought about her so much. ..it was a every moment kinda day. That was the last thing she requested to bake with me. She threw it up. Somehow I could make it and eat it today without too many tears since it was gluten free…food is just a hot button for me…IMG_0852

I have met a few moms along this journey.

Sometimes I talk to their kids too.

I don’t know which comes first. Is Jennifer already making connections with these children in heaven or by me meeting the parents are the kids then finding each other? Just somehow I know  these little ones are her new friends. One in particular though…I think she lead her little brother to Jennifer while she was alive. My girl was the kind to always have a “boyfriend” where ever she went. Well the one she took on in her short time in kindergarden has 4 older siblings… one who passed away. I realized today I think she put her brother in contact with Jennifer…

For me. For her mom.

I like to imagine her with other kids…her family was always number one. She was always a social butterfly. I like the idea that its only a blink of an eye in heaven.. this time we are apart. I like to think she doesn’t even notice I am gone and when I bust on the scene she will roll her eyes, saying that I can’t leave her alone for 2 minutes.

IMG_4149We went outside this evening, played with their stomp rocket, again just my attempt to be a good mom to boys…it just doesn’t come naturally anymore. Jennifer was the equalizer to their testosterone. I am so thankful to have Tony here with us right now. We are so blessed with the fundraising that has happened and the fact that Tony works for a phenomenal company.

My friend brought me some gifts…from friends of hers. People that have never met me. The outpouring of support is amazing. The other day we opened the door to a mat that reads “home of the brave”. No idea who it was from.  We also got a massive box of gorgeous frames from pottery barn. No idea who sent them to us though. I  say “other day” because I also have no concept of time right now…quite the opposite of my hopes for heaven. Days feel like weeks.

Thank you for all the support and help and love. The meals are so helpful…a way to avoid that fast trigger. I read all the cards we get. I read the messages on here or FB. I don’t always have the time to reply. But I appreciate it all so much.

We took Jonathan in for blood tests for allergies. He did well.. I tried very hard not to compare and refused to breathe in while they used alcohol wipe …I knew what would happen if I smelled that. .I was prepared. I avoided. Its just that today the emotions were too close to the surface I couldn’t risk it.

We are planning on a trip next week. Just Tony me and baby Charlotte. I need to get away. I need some time and some space.

We will just be together and walk and eat. And carve out the time we need to do the business plan for the non-profit. Emotionally I am 2 steps forwards 1.75 steps back…but with the non -profit I need to keep moving forward. Slowly. Taking my time…but movement.

so here is your glitter for the day. I hope you spread it…

For me it was a glitter slap in the face…Gilroy Family Photographer | JLK Glitter Shoot-44

“AMERICAN CANCER SOCIETY: In 2010 directed $0.01 (a penny) to childhood cancer research for every dollar of public support.  Source:ACS)” My Source:PAC2

I will add to that…go to their site. Look up how to donate. You can choose where you would like to designate your gift. Pediatric cancer ISN’T an option.

Gilroy Family Photographer | JLK Glitter Shoot-1c

62 Responses to “day after”

  1. Thinking of you and your beautiful family always!
    The American Cancer website is down for maintenance they better be adding pediatric cancer as an option. Unbelievable!

  2. Disgusting! How can it NOT be an option? What do we do to demand a change? How can that be? Do we start writing letters? What more can we do?

  3. I love this image and concept of spreading her glitter. it’s absolutely amazing, and you’d better believe that I will hold it up on my end. Every Friday at my work is, “casual Friday,” where we can wear whatever we want. I wear my, “Glitter Squad (slash/on the back) Love for JLK,” shirt that my mom and I both made and wore to her Celebration of Life, and there’s nothing casual about these Friday’s for me anymore. People ALWAYS have something to say, ranging from, “Is your shirt religious?” to one person actually mistaking it for, “JFK,” and striking up a (lengthy), conversation about his love for our late president, (I was cracking up inside while he rambled on),and it was interesting enough to let him keep going for awhile until I let him know why it was I wore this shirt, who it was for, and what we are fighting for. People listen, they really do. Sometimes you just have to catch them off guard, it seems. Its working. Tomorrow, (today, technically), is Friday again, so come 9:00am, I hope you know what I’ll be sporting. Glitter knowledge.:)

    Always. <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3

  4. My oldest girl was sleeping at a friends while the middle lil monster was recovering from surgery. the oldest came home with glitter all in her hair. I immediately thought of jlk. you all are making a difference. it is time to rise up & demand a change. ridiculous!!!!

  5. I hope you realize how amazing you are…you are teaching your kids valuable life lessons: its ok to be vulnerable & broken, but you still get up, one moment at a time/day by day. you do not give up.
    I’m just so sorry it was because of this reason. know you are making a difference.

    love & prayers to you all

  6. I want you to know, I do not know you and live on the other side of the country from you, but you and your family are in my prayers every night. Reading your story and your unending love for your children has made me a better mother and truly appreciate every minute with my child.

  7. Libby

    You are creating an amazing awareness about childhood cancer.
    These statistics are shocking and scary.
    Libby, you are doing the best you can every day. Small steps, one day at a time. The children all radiate a beautiful warmth in all there photos. Be gentle and go easy on yourself.

  8. I will always be here for you Libby and your family. I think about Jennifer you and your family every single day. My love is with you all.

  9. Thank you, Libby. I went on the ACS website immediately after reading your last entry. “Donate and Save Lives” it reads. Almost made me sick though. I sent them an email asking why pediatric cancer wasn’t an option for donation. I am curious what they will say, I will keep you posted. I have made my first step in trying to make a difference. I run and was thinking about doing a 3K in April (my first). It’s a Purple Fun Run for Cancer, I know where I want all the funds to go to.

    In the meantime, I continue to change one “no” into a “yes” with my son daily. He wanted to play Go Fish, I wanted to finish the dishes. The dishes waited. And I enjoyed every second of our game. Thank you for that. I thought about you in those moments as I do throughout the day. I am so sorry, I know those words don’t do much, but I still mean them.

    You are incredible, this journey, teaching us all so much. I’m sorry it came at the expense of your Jennifer. When you described her rolling her eyes at you, I laughed! It was a fantastic image I held and in that moment could almost imagine her doing that. Remember the Jennifer that was before cancer took hold. She is that girl again, and I am confident she has many friends and is as social now, as she ever was.

    I hope you find some comfort today. Sending lots of love.

  10. I too will email them asking why Pediatric Cancer isn’t an option. I will continue to spread the word. I will continue to write comments and read your blog. Jennifer has touched so many of us. We have to continue this fight!!
    I am proud of you, Libby, for getting out of bed when you so easily could have not. For baking something that holds so many memories, when you so easily could have not. For being a great Mom. Sending love and support.

  11. I am one of the many strangers that have fallen in love with you and your family. I started reading your blog right after Christmas. I had learned of your family through a friend of a friend on facebook and had purchased a ticket for the photo session. My heart is breaking for you and I continue to pray for you and your family every night. My son, was diagnosed with a brain tumor in August of 2013, so we are fairly new on this journey. It sucks and I would do anything to get off of this ride but sadly I can’t and never will. I can relate to so much of what you say and could feel your pain through the first few months. I however do not have any idea of the pain you are in right now. I hope to never know but there are no promises and someday I might. I am not sure where I am going with this or why I am even writing. I just wanted you to know that I read everyday, I pray for you and for Jennifer’s soul every day and that I admire your strength and courage. I used to worry so much about the future but right now I can’t go there, it is too much for me, the future is too uncertain. So as of now I worry about today, how to get through today. One day at a time, one step at a time, one breath at a time. Hugs to you!

  12. Ugh. Those facts about funding make me sick. Why isn’t there more funding? These kids are the future- they’ve barely lived- they deserve the most research. We’ve made strides with many other areas but its time to focus on pediatric cancer. You’ve opened up my eyes to that. Then you, just how you’re dealing with this, I don’t know how you do it. I admire you so much and we’ve never met. I know Jennifer is in heaven and once you all get there, it will seem like the blink of an eye to her. Much love to you Libby.

  13. I also do not choose to donate to ACS because I read that their CEO makes a lot of money (I can’t remember how much off the top of my head) and in actuality, only 10 cents for every dollar donated goes to research. So I choose to donate to other places where I know the money will make more of a difference.

    That being said, I also believe Jennifer has friends in Heaven. All those kids hanging out-what a great picture.

    You are showing your boys (and Charlotte) how to love, how to grieve, and how to heal. I am glad you are taking that trip. Take care of yourself. We’reall here, reading and prati mg for your beautiful family.

  14. “when I bust on the scene she will roll her eyes, saying that I can’t leave her alone for 2 minutes.”

    I LOVE THAT!!!! You know that will happen- that little stinker! 🙂 It is exactly how I picture HEAVEN to be and how all my loved ones will react once I get there.

    Sending love and prayers daily!

  15. I’ve been reading for a while now and my heart breaks for what you’ve had to go through. I wanted to tell you about my favorite charity, Cycle for Survival (www.cycleforsurvival.com) which has a mission statement of directly funding research for rare cancers which includes pediatric cancers and have won several victories so far. An amazing woman (also named Jennifer Linn it just occurred to me) who had had a rare cancer for five or six years at the time started Cycle in 2009. In five years, they’ve gone from raising 1M to over 20M per year and have raised over 50M in total. I tell you about this because it’s a worthy cause to partner with if you want to partner with an organization but also to show you that you you could do the same thing with Jennifer’s story just for pediatric cancers if you want. I believe you can.

  16. God bless you and your family Libby. Hope your get away helps. A lot of the motorcycle rides up here the ride fee goes to a charity if some kind. I also don’t give to ACS as I found out that very little of every dollar goes to research. I think that is why we are all ready for your charity to grow strong and have a voice.

  17. I really wish I had something profound to say, but know that I think of you, your family, Jennifer & countless others daily. Childhood cancer changed my perspective on life. What ticked me off even more with the ACS is how DARE they have 3 kids pictures on their donation page….And everyone should realize that the Relay For Life is the American Cancer Society. For now, I will donate books to the Get Well Gabby Foundation. At least my money is going to the children, not to pay someones salary. Praying for strength & peace for you…

  18. I like the thought about time in heaven too,before I was so afraid of dying but now I can’t wait til that moment when I get to see my daughter again.I hope my Kylie is with your Jennifer laughing and playing.As far as the funding goes that’s ridiculous.I think we need to use some funding to find out why these children are getting brain tumors in the first place.I hated not knowing what caused my daughters tumor so of course my mind thought of a ton of reasons why.I just wanted to blame something.Continued Prayers.

  19. I love the concept, glitter for the day, because everything you say Libby sticks to me, just like glitter. I am sure that is true for all whom you touch through the blog. I don’t know you, but we have lead a similar path in becoming parents (infertility, m/c, adoption). Your words for me are a constant reminder to stop and smell the roses and enjoy the kids I fought so hard to parent. Hang in there today, and when you watch Frozen with your other kids, know JLK is watching from above <3

  20. I guess we are all pissed at ACS and how they don’t have an option to donate to childhood cancer. Its asham also how little funding childhood cancer gets and I think with you and your ability to make us all aware of it I think and pray it will change soon. I most certainly address them on the issue and to your blog to let them see what its doing just one mother that lost a beautiful daughter to this dreadful monster and how with more contribution to research on finding a cure even if it sames 10 children its an improvement. I can not tell you how sad I am when your blogs are so sad. I cried yesterday when I read the first one about not being able to sleep. My heart hurts for you. Know for sure Libby you are making a difference in honor of “Jennifer” and sad that it had to be to this ugly disease but think of all the people you are making aware of so many issues on the research for this disease that never even knew anything about it. I for one am going to do my best any way I can to support the cause in honor of your Jennifer and another two sweet girls Maddie Higgins and Amber who just passed away a little over a week ago. Please enjoy your time away and dont blog if you dont want to. We understand. Take the weekend with Tony and enjoy each other and get what ever you want to get done done!! Wishing you a great get a way and we are always here for you and sending you prayers and hugs always to you and your beautiful family!!!

  21. Thanks for bringing up an important fact about ACS. My advice to readers— be aware of how your donations are spent. ACS is a big organization. Get your dollars to organizations that get your money where you want it… For me, it’s into the hands or researchers.

    Prayers continue for all of you… may you be surrounded by a feeling of peace and grace.

  22. Hi Libby,

    I have been reading your blog and praying for Jennifer, you, Tony, The boys, and baby Charlotte. I have never left a comment. I haven’t felt I had something worthy enough to write until today. You are such an amazing person. I am a Therapist and you allowing me to read about your journey provides me with such great insight that I will be able to use with future moms and dads and children who loose a loved one. I too have experienced the unimaginable devastation Cancer impels into our lives. I lost my mom when my daughter was just 5 months old. I stayed up crying with my baby Gabby just like you do with Charlotte. My Gabby, now 6, is the most sensitive, caring, and emotionally intillegent person I know. So please don’t ever feel guilt or shame for expressing your emotions around your children. It is a Gift. A few months ago my husbands Aunt died, also from Cancer. At her funeral the pastor read a verse from the bible. In this verse it discussed the concept of time in heaven Vs here on earth. I knew that learning of this would bring you so much comfort and peace. (Well that is my hope) I hope it also allows you to live your life here on earth with your 3 living children with out guilt and shame. The verse is from 2nd Peters 3.8
    It reads “my beloved do not forget this one thing, that with The Lord one day is a thousands years, and a thousand years = 1 day.
    So like you wrote in your blog today Jennifer will not be sitting around longing for you. It will feel like just a blink of an eye, because 41 years here on earth is equal to 1 hr in heaven. 10 years here with your living children is just 15 minutes in heaven. So even at the risk of sounding morbid, how comforting is it to know that in 10 to 15 minutes to her a grandparent or great uncle and aunt will join her in heaven. And in about 2.5 hours (just enoug time to watch a movie, say even Frozen) you and or Tony will be with her in heaven holding her again, seeing her beautiful smile, smelling her perfect scent. She will not be in pain, she will not resent you, she will feel like she just barely got there and situated and them you will be there with her again. I hope this brings you some comfort. I pray for you, cry for you, and I cherish you. I thank you for sharing your story. You are the so brave and I know that’s were Jennifer learned it from.
    All my love,

    Melissa Garner
    Missygarner01@aol.com

  23. Bless you Libby, I had no idea about ACS. I’m just livid. All those years of donating… WOW! As an oncology nurse and the mother of a little brown eyed girl 28 days younger than JLK , I feel total and disappointment and just pure and sincere anger. Libby, let’s fix please!!!!!

  24. Just “wow” on the ACS crap. I refuse to support them in any way. Same with Susan G. Komen. I will only give to children’s research stuff.

    I love your “blink of an eye”. I hope it’s like that, too. I know for sure that there is a very special place in heaven just for the children.

    Sending you love and peace,
    Diana

  25. My dad became a widower…two years later I became an orphan. My mother-in-law became a widow…and it goes on and on. My worst fear came true for you. I salute your bravery in trying to “cope” with your loss of Jennifer and continuing to spread your message through tears. As a mother and grandmother, I pray I selfishly never have to feel this kind of pain. I pray for you, Tony, and Jennifer’s siblings daily. You have and continue to make a difference in all of our lives. God bless you, Libby!
    I ran across this poem when I was cleaning a friends house. A friend’s 22 year old son/grandson took his life for no apparent reason leaving his family, three years later, still wondering why ???

    A wife who loses her husband is called a widow.
    A husband who loses his wife is called a widower.
    A child who loses their parents is called an orphan.
    But, there is no word for a parent who loses a child.
    That’s how awful the loss is.

    I think that explains why there are no words to express our sorrow for you and your amazing family.

    I pray you, Tony, and Baby Charlotte enjoy your time away. Her brothers are so lucky to have such a supportive and loving family. Amen!

  26. Nothing wrong with eating gluten free all the time. As her family, eating that way could feel like you are thinking of her and if you could have your way, she’d come right thru that door to munch with you. I know you know it’s not gonna happen, but if it helps you to know she could be included in your day if it was possible, even in your snacking, I say do it. We eat gluten free too.
    I am also turning no’s to yes’s, and I thank you for sharing your journey with us.
    I’ve been wanting to make you an idea that I had. A game like candyland that on each card you got to tell something about Jennifer, her favorite color, her birthday, all kinds of things, and as you play this game with the boys, you get to talk and let things out, and later, you can keep their memories going strong, so they can hold onto those stories, and write new cards as you go. Just an idea, and I wish I had time to make it for you, covered in glitter…

  27. She is having a great time in heaven-making friends left and right and when you get there she’ll be like “five more minutes mom! I’m having so much fun” It’s like the blink of an eye for her.

    Unfortunately time moves slower here on earth, but think of all that she has done in her time here! She has affected SOO many people. A lot of us have spoken about turning one no into a yes everyday, and soaking up the small moments in life because of YOU.

    You are making a difference. Make sure to go easy on yourself, Libby. I believe you will turn the tide in the cancer fight…and you have SO many glitter squad members waiting to help. I’m glad you are getting away next week…I hope you get some clarity and peace.

  28. you speak for those who can’t, won’t or don’t know how. we are all listening and praying for you, your message and your mission. one person can really make a difference

  29. Praying for ALL of you Libby! I too have stopped donating to cancer because they do not have an option for ovarian cancer (which is what my mom was diagnosed with).

    And whenever you are ready to organize the 5k walk/run I will be right beside you helping with whatever I can. While you don’t know me, you have truly touched my heart. I think of you and JLK constantly!

  30. I love u Libby. Jennifer wants u to live and be happy. U havesuch a beautiful heart and children. They need u and u need them..hug then and love them. jennifer is next to u in every step u take free from her pain. Its hard to think of her in just a spiritual sense but she is there. U are an awesome mom god brought jennifer to u and knew u and tony would love her thru this time and u are blessed with three more beautiful children. Jennifer lives in each of them and she lives in u. Its OK to smile. To cry. To be happy. To laugh. All these things are normal. I am deeply sorry she is gone but she lives on in ur words in ur pictures in ur mind in the way u percieve ur surroundings. Its absolutely not right that this happened she should be here…. without a doubt. But be easy on urself. And know u are loved. And god is watching. And jennifer is next to u spiritually. Think of her and smile Libby. U gave her an awesome life. She looks so happy in her pics. And pics speak a thousand words. I love u Libby. From one mom to another I pray for u always.

  31. Your glitter girl WILL save lives. You have brought so much awareness. What a blessing sweet Jennifer is. <3

  32. Not an option!!!! That is ridiculous! Me and my mom always donate to St Jude when we can. I read your blog everyday. I dont always comment but i want you to know im always thinking of you and the family. Hugs and love to you all. ♥

  33. Libby,

    I sign a lot of petitions on Change.org. It is well known and many have been successful in making important changes in companies and government through the use of this site. Is it possible to do a petition to American cancer Society or other organizations or even direct to our legislators to do greater funding for childhood cancer research? I think it would be a tremendous tool to bring about new changes in funding.

    Jen

  34. I can’t believe it’s not an option. That is horrible. I pray for you daily Libby, for you and your family. JLK is going to make a difference in Pediatric Cancer. I know she will and you too. You have brought so much awareness to Pediatric cancer. I am trying to educate myself on pediatric cancer and I owe that to you. We must spread the word. Hugs and God Bless

  35. Libby
    I pray for your family daily. I am also angered
    About how little of money goes to pediatric cancer. This is unacceptable
    You have touched my heart. Changed many lives. My daughter
    Is one month older than Jennifer and also has celiacs. I will also email
    The site in honor of Jennifer that it is unacceptable to give so
    Little to pediatric cancer. Prayers to you ever day

  36. After our son died, the child-life people helped with how to deal with this as it pertained to his 4 yr old sister left behind. She is very smart and wise beyond her years.
    Couple highlights – take what you want from it:
    When Jonathan “blurted” out the news about Jennifer, he was likely starting to test the waters. These kids will find a chance to speak what’s in their minds (and hearts) and where it’s a safe place to do it. I was HORRIFIED when my daughter told the gal in the Wal-Mart line that her brother was dead. I went nuts. I knew I had to “practice my lines” and have a couple things to say in situations like that, but I felt so tongue-tied. After speaking with the team, it was likely her saying “hey. I’m confused and scared but I don’t know how to say that. Here’s something I know, help me get the rest out.” They taught us to just answer her questions in a simple and factual way, and NOT give her more than she asked for. That was REALLY hard for me. I’m a talker 😉 But in time, she would take these little things she learned and put them together. And make new questions. And form new sets of info. To this day, there are several things I am SHOCKED she’s not asked. But in her head, she has wrapped her brain around what happened, and she’s currently “at peace” with what she knows and understands. (does that make sense?) Whatever you decide are the right words for him in moments like these are up to you, but it’s suggested something like “yes, she did, Jonathan. How does that make you feel?” and relate that yes, you are sad, too, etc. I didn’t always understand why my daughter felt certain people were safe to open up to, (i.e. the line at the grocery store?? really??) but it was her part of processing it all.
    Big hugs – you are so kind to share your inner-most feelings with us all. I hope you’re taking breaks where you need them? All my best, T

  37. Hi again , I love that” the Glitter Bomb” ! Just an idea: Libby, on a day that is meaningful to you and Jennifer can we all on ” JKL ‘s Glitter Squad ” FLOOD their sites petitioning for more equal monies for childhood cancer research? Come up with a list of websites to email? We are here, all so desperate to help.

  38. Dear Libby, I’m weeping at my desk yet again, thinking of you and listening to Jon Thurlow on youtube.
    “The things of the Earth grow dim in the light of His face.”
    May the light of God’s face shine brightly on you today and always.
    Give it a listen from 45:53 – 48:30 http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=K3sMehnyXP8 “The Lord said I can fill the void….” Love to you, Michelle

  39. The smell of alcohol wipes brings me right back to the cancer my little girl had. It’s been years and I didn’t know that until last week. I’m always think of you and your family.

  40. You’re going to be the difference, Libby. Someday things will be different. I just know it. You and Tony and Jennifer….your whole family. And I know it’s not enough bc it cannot bring her back, but it will be her legacy….the reason that for generations to come, people will remember JLK.

  41. The bible actually says that time that passes in heaven is a thousand times long on earth. It always helped me to see this. 🙂

    The verse is 2 Peter 3:8 “But do not forget this one thing, dear friends: With the Lord a day is like a thousand years, and a thousand years are like a day. “

  42. Dear Libby,

    I read your blog often, but today was my first post. I suppose I was one of those people that wasn’t quite sure what to write. I still don’t know if there is such a thing as the “right” thing to say to you. All I know is that my heart aches for you. I’m a Mom, too.

    I felt compelled to write you today because yesterday morning, as I was driving to work, I looked up into the sky and saw a huge heart … just like the glitter heart in Jennifer’s oh-so-precious photo. It gave me chills to see that in the sky. I wondered if you saw it, too. Perhaps it was Jennifer’s way of sending you love … to let you know that she’s ok up there in heaven … perhaps it was her way of enfolding you with love.

    And I, too, would like to send you love, hugs, prayers, and an ear.
    May you and your beautiful family be filled with peace.

  43. Beyond words Libby…even on your toughest days you are still determined to make a difference. Your strength is contagious my friend, I’ve seen all the postings that validate it!

    Continued peace and strength for you and your family. We’re all here riding this journey with you one day at a time.

  44. Libby, I just wanted to tell you that not a day goes by that I don’t think about your sweet Jennifer. She, YOU, have made an immeasurable impact on more lives that you could count. I truly hope that one day you are able to rest your mind, be somewhat at ease, knowing that Jennifer is on the minds and in the hearts of countless people…and that you can let your guard down and “just be” without feeling guilty. I promise that SOMEONE is thinking about and loving her at all minutes of the day. xoxo

  45. Libby,
    I wish that there were more words of comfort or wisdom, but I am at a loss for words. I meant to write yesterday but I did not. Just as you thank all of us for sending messages of hope, support, love, etc, I wanted to thank you. After your post a few days ago where you talked about your worry that people would forget about you and therefore, forget Jennifer, I reached out to a friend who lost her son Griffin two years ago (the day before she was supposed to deliver him). I realized that I think of her often but get busy and don’t let her know. So right after I read your blog, I sat down and emailed her. She was so appreciative of that connection, that acknowledgement of what a great loss it was and how it never goes away.

    Jennifer, nor your family, will ever be forgotten. People may get busy and get sidetracked, but that girl had some amazing glitter in her veins and it has spread far and wide.

    I think you are doing an amazing job of acknowledging and honoring your children’s grief and loss beautifully.

  46. Libby,
    I can’t give you words of wisdom or words to help you through your loss. Yet, if you continue to point out disparities, like that with the American Cancer Society, I’m all over it. I’ve already contacted them and the HR department of my company, asking why I/we should ever support an organization that doesn’t support children. I think about you all the time and am willing to help your family, and Jennifer’s, cause where ever I can.

  47. Dearest Libby
    the first time I read your blog was the post of the pictures you had taken at one of Jennifer’s radiation treatments. I cried and then I stayed up all night going back and reading all of your previous posts. I was speechless, heartbroken and completely consumed…my oldest daughter Samantha is almost 6, in kindergarten and so much like your Jennifer. When I read your words I could have used them to describe my daughter. She is the second mom to my younger son and wiser beyond her years. I was so drawn to you and your blog because I wondered if this was happening to me could I ever be as strong, brave, honest , and inspiring as you are. Your words amaze me everyday. I am a different person and mother because of you and your posts. My life has completely changed – and in such a better way. I was college roommates with Fiona Marshall (that’s how I found your blog) and we have been communicating so much because of you. I hate that tragedies give us wake up calls but also thankful for the blessings and people who show how much love and compassion there is in this world. Last night I attended a benefit for a friends son who is fighting cancer and going thru chemo right now- I was so inspired by all the love and support and mostly by his parents drive to help other families – they want to make a difference for the future too- I shared your blog with her and also wanted to share their Facebook page is Mateos Journey. Together I think you guys could do amazing things…Thank you so much for sharing with us everyday. Thank you for letting us know Jennifer. I hope even on your darkest days that you can really feel all the love and prayers and support we are sending to you and your beautiful family of 6.
    Love
    Kristen

  48. My daughter used to greet people with “Kristy is dead and that’s why mummy is sad”. I thinks she was just warning people it was a sad house.

  49. Continuing to pray for you and your family daily. You are so strong, stay strong. Jennifer inspires me every day, such a sweet little girl has change my life.

  50. For you dear Kranz family.

    TINY ANGEL 🙂

    Tiny Angel rest your wings
    sit with me for awhile.
    How I long to hold your hand,
    and to see your tender smile.
    Tiny Angel, look at me,
    I want this image clear…
    That I will forget your precious face
    Is my biggest fear.
    Tiny Angel can you tell me
    Why you have gone away?
    You weren’t here for very long…
    Why is it, you couldn’t stay?
    Tiny Angel shook her head,
    “These things I do not know…
    But I do know that you love me,
    And that I love you so”.

  51. I love your idea that Heaven feels like mere moments to her, and that you’re just “in the other room.” How calming that thought is.

    And the American Cancer Society??!!! SHAME~

  52. It really makes me sick and angry. Seriously. What is wrong with this country that they don’t put the priority on saving our children from the cancer monster??? Keep spreading the glitter, Libby. Like you’ve said before, you can’t clean that stuff off. It sticks to you.

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