Grief has a place in our family.. at our table. Its kinda like a sibling to them.. One that grows and changes right along with them. Parenting a child through grief is something I never really imagined myself having to do. And most of the time I don’t feel well equipped to do it. Its […]
I try to be honest. Especially in this new life we have been handed.. But I am finding I have to lie sometimes. To the outside world and my kids. With a smile that covers up the falling apart happening inside at that exact moment.. The surprising hard moments are often times the worst ones. […]
I have pulled away from blogging. I have lots of excuses and reasons for it… But I do miss it. The release it gives me.. But especially the connection it gives me to my daughter. jennifer I feel so distant from her right now. So much so I find myself wondering if she was real. […]
I try to prepare.. especially for things I think will be hard for the kids. Not sure why.. I am pretty much always wrong. Jonathan had a kinder prep day today. I was worried about how hard it would be for him.. and me.. But he was nervous in the more typical jittery way. Being […]
I started cleaning out her room. I think just getting out my fears and my emotions in the last blog readied me to do it. I had thought of it all.. balanced mine and Tonys dueling emotions. I haven’t cried like this is a long time. Day after day of intense crying. I think now […]
The weather this morning was perfection for me.. It eases me. Overcast, cold, cloudy, chilly, gray. But I feel like if I stand outside.. especially if I run then I can somehow find her again. I find myself yearning for this weather.. longing for it .. Because when its here I feel like I can […]
The weather is changing. … the time changed. All these things signaling a new time approaching is hard for me… because I both remember this time with her and because I know another season is coming.. another one without her. We have this amazing walking path right behind our house.. so many evenings I spent […]
I miss seeing her in new ways.. I miss her little arms surprising me with hugs.. and the sweet way she would talk to her baby sister. All I have now is the pictures. Sometimes I drown in them. . Often after I write I look for the right pictures to fit in. It takes […]
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