Tag: my fears

questions without answers

I have been so busy with Unravel things lately.. I have found little time to truly grieve. But now I have a empty and quiet home. My living babies tucked safely in their beds and my husband out with friends.. I sit and I stare off.. and I cry. So much. Unable to really even focus on what I am thinking.. just knowing that I miss my daughter terribly. My hurting still so deep an d Am I doing this wrong? Is it normal to still hurt so desperately? To still need so much time to just fall completely apart? My hurting still so deep and visceral. I feel raw. Exposed and so vulnerable. That when I go so many days without writing.. without digging in .. that when I finally sit and do it I find myself crying so vocally I have to cover my mouth.. afraid my pain[…]

guide

I am still me.. but never ever really the same. I went to a MOPS group this morning. I was at a table with some ladies I knew.. and some I didn’t. ok cool. It started with a ice breaker.. we just took turns sharing a little bit about ourselves.  nailed it. Then the video came on. The topic was what is your worst mom nightmare. oh crap.  As our table shared I got to speak initially with another mom about my before cancer mom life experience. I got to share the same way I used to about my experiences.. my success and failures. I loved it. It was so nice to just be a mom of 4 kids again… for a moment. Until it was my turn to share my worst mom nightmare.. So I shared. My worst fear did in fact come true. I have always been scared to lose a[…]