Tag: library

follow the signs

The tears are close right now.. Seemingly just below the surface and that really surprises me. But I feel like my strength is also. .. Because I am feeling her again. Its like she knows when I need her the most. Jennifer guides me.. when I allow her to. I am finding that when I just go with things.. that she sends me signs to say she agrees.. And somehow I know its her. It’s been something that has bonded me not just with her.. but also with Jonathan in particular since he always seemed to have that easy and strong belief that it was her way of connecting to us.. He struggles with that a lot lately. Trying to explain the logic of what happens. Wanting the sign to be so obvious that there is no room for doubt. It has bothered me lately hearing that coming out of her[…]

will she

5 months. 5 months. 5 months. ..no .. please .. Once the clock strikes midnight I can no longer say 4 months.. it becomes a whole month more.. Today was a good day. We walked to the library , first time we have been there since last summer…I planned to go once she was in school.. but never got around to it. We packed a picnic and ate behind the building. . .  Jonathan remembered from 2 Halloweens ago.. when he had just turned 3 that we went trick or treating there in a nearby building with her preschool class. I try to placate myself with the thought that they won’t remember this time.. but then he pulls something like that.. A strong memory from when he was so much younger.. and I worry. I try to do things she would have liked these days. These days I am suffering inside without[…]