Tag: holiday

many

Today was hard.. at different times for different reasons. This morning I woke with the elephant on my chest… one was missing. Tony and Jonathan got me a gift to symbolize all 4 kids. We ate breakfast together.. Then I felt it coming. .. I asked him to take the boys out while Charlotte napped to get decorations for her birthday. I went to her room… and fell apart. Completely unglued. Talking to her.. praying.. sobbing. Then I washed my face and got ready for them to come home and go for a hike. We walked to the trails right by our house… the ones we had always talked about doing… …later. Today was later… one kid down.¬† Jonathan and I talked about things.. and I felt so thankful for the 4 people walking with me. We came home and it was nap time for Nicholas. For the first time[…]

dying

Easter egg dying at my parents house…with a ton of cousins. That’s where my 2 boys are tonight.. its where my big girl should be too.. . .me too actually. I always said I wasn’t going to stay.. that I was going to drop my kids and leave… I never did though. .. .till this year. I knew I would be of no help.. just looking at the table of smiling faces missing my daughter. I am nervous for Easter. But I can’t run from holidays and gatherings for ever. . ¬†Because missing these events doesnt save me from the emotions.. it just delays them. Instead tonight I am in her room writing.. looking at the offerings from her brothers all over the room. The giant card from Jonathan’s valentines celebration at school. A batman symbol. Her doll in a high chair now with food and drink in front of[…]