Tag: glitter facts

6 years

Tonight I should be practicing for a speech I am giving tomorrow. I have only gone through it twice now.. But I can’t seem to do it. Im not sure why. If its something swirling inside of me.. waiting for me to write and get it out.. Or if its too hard to do. Too hard to say the words out loud.. look at pictures of her…remember. Another cancer mom wrote about it .. wrote about how she doesn’t want to forget a thing about her son.. but also can’t bear to remember. I get that. How as the numbness is slowly wearing off that its hurts even more to allow myself to reach for her. Because it is just so devastating. But actually I think thats likely not accurate for me. .. not yet at least. Now the yearn is still so much stronger than I can even fight. I[…]

never knew

I never knew.. never knew pain or despair like this before. I never knew that there is no respite from losing your child. I never knew how hard it would be. I thought I did.. thought I could imagine. .. I couldn’t.. I still can’t. Because I know I am still not at the bottom of it… not at a place I can start clawing my way back up. I still have further down to go. Its always. Its constant. There is no relief. How is that even possible? I got her name tattooed on my wrist the other day. On the drive home I called Tony to see if I could stop at the beach. Of course he said yes.. I needed that time.. To just miss her.. on the beach walking along the ocean. The sunset was incredible and I had music playing the whole time.. song after[…]