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find me again..

February 9, 2018Unravel Pediatric Cancerburying a child, childhood cancer, DIPG, signs from heaven6 year old sibling loss, 8 year old sibling loss, bay area childhood cancer, child death, child loss, connecting after loss, connecting with a dead child, DIPG, explaining child death to a child, grieving and parenting, parenting after child loss, sibling loss, signs from dead child10 Comments

Sometimes we resist what we know.. this blog is really just a continuation of this one.. And sometimes urges and pushes are so strong we cannot ignore them.. I pulled the boys out of school and took them on a mommy and boys date to the movies. Coco. None of us had seen it… it was only in one theatre 40 mins away.. But I had this strong urge.. we were meant to go. The 3 of us had the entire place to ourselves. It wasn’t nearly as hard as I thought it would be.. Until the final scene.. when my deepest hope for what its like for me and Jennifer now was on screen. The movie ended and we left the theatre and went on the hunt for something to eat at the mall.. We talked as we walked .. in the best boy talking way.. moving and not[…]

4 year old questions

January 19, 2016May 4, 2016Unravel Pediatric Cancergrieving after 1 year4 year old grief, bereaved sibling, child death, child loss, child questioning death, childhood cancer, connection with dead child, Diffuse Intrinsic Pontine Glioma, DIPG, explaining child death to a child, explaining death to a child, grieving child loss, grieving sibling, heaven, nicholas struggles, pediatric cancer, sibling loss8 Comments

Last night at dinner Nicholas just started asking questions. I was giving both little girls a bath at the sink while my boys all finished dinner. It started off casual and easy and Tony asked if they had more questions.. And Nicholas did. So many. So so many. He directed them all to me. .. It was Tonys first time hearing the things he asks.. Seeing his fear and tasting his 4 year olds sorrow.. .. but we’ve done the before. The way he fights the tears that burns his eyes. They way he struggles to understand. Its just like Jonathan after Jennifer died. This deep want and desire to understand the unimaginable. kids die. we don’t have the answers and i can’t protect you. But Nicholas needs things to be right and fair and in order. As he fought the stinging in his eyes that he doesn’t understand His[…]

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