Hopefully I can keep this entry short. I am not feeling great. . . and although I don’t believe in getting sick I am scared I might be. Today she was still very “methadoned” this morning. Its so scary to see her like that. Eyes half open. . totally out of it but aware. We […]
I just grabbed my husband outside of her room. To remind him how much I love him and how proud I am of us. . and how we as a couple are muddling through this. And then I said this is the easy time. We both know it to be true but after a night […]
World cancer day was yesterday. The old me. . . I would have posted about it. Said how horrible cancer is. Read a few blogs or stories. I would promise to do “something”….tomorrow or after the kids get up from naps. Feeling a bit cleaner and like I did my part. . . . and […]
…click…click…click You know that sound a roller coaster makes. This is the sound track to my life. . our lives. . right now. Last night I was almost euphoric. I was pacing around after she ate. Waiting to see if she threw up. She went at that applesauce with such fervor. . such hope. I […]
My blogs are going to be short. And probably not every day. I just feel like I need to give a warning of that. Each day is so long . . .normally that would be a complaint. But I am thankful beyond explanation for each moment and each breathe. She was up every hour last […]
She ate a popsicle. She loved it. And she slept. A lot. She had one good 5 minute wakeful period and all 4 kids got to be together opening a gift bag that had been dropped off for them. It was bliss. And this is what I did. I have no idea if it will […]
We tried the new meds. I talked to Jennifer about trying to eat even though she was scared. She was so excited to eat. Her eyes sparkled as she took those few bites of chocolate gelato. Then she vomited again. I felt her collapse in my arms. Defeated. Tony cried with her. A pure outpouring […]
Today was hard. Will I ever not feel that way? So much of today was spent talking with nurses, pharmacists, and thankfully our great docs. Her oncologist from Stanford cried with me today. I don’t do that. I am a private crier. I have a need for Jennifer to eat, at least one more time. […]
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