I feel like I am circling the drain right now… my muscles tightened and ready to snap. .. surviving only as a reflex. Its like so much is hitting at the same time. Tony being back at work was the least of it actually. I did ok with it. Set little goals like getting our […]
We all miss her. At different times in different ways.. but there is a constant current ..i miss her… flowing through our household. Yesterday i saw the first offering from baby Charlotte in Jennifer’s room. One of her lovies. 4th kid I finally got smart and bought a bunch of the blanket animal she was […]
2 months ago.. I was holding her. feeling her heartbeat…hard and fast… Tomorrow 2 months ago that beautiful heart finally succumb… stopped beating. The distance between me and her life grows…every time I go to bed another day is added allowing the gap between our time together to grow…but also a day closer to reuniting […]
Pain. Big pain . . real pain this morning. Upped her morphine…I think its doubled. Sleeping all day. Hospice says she is comfortable. . . stable. I hope so. I worry she is screaming inside at me. Something she is needing or wanting. And I am not answering her call for me. I’m so sorry […]
One of my favorite parts of the last few days is reading books with her. I wish I had realized sooner how much she would still enjoy them. I read til my throat hurts or she motions to be done. Tonight we read together with Daddy. But we used picture albums I had made for […]
Is she winding down….??? Is it the meds???? We seriously have no idea. I think it must sound crazy that we care but we do. Tonight we talked about if we have warning. What will we do…what do we want to do with Charlotte. And our boys. I asked Tony how I am supposed to […]
This morning was a rough start. I gave her 5am meds but was a little lazy and didnt space things out the way I should have. . . and we needed to change the bed so we moved her. All of these things combined meant she threw up… pretty quickly after getting the meds in. […]
A glitter photo shoot a few days before Thanksgiving. Cheeks swollen from steroids. . . Lots of personality and sibling love. This day. . .these picture…. wonderful memories. glitter girl Hope you enjoy!
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