
** I wrote this last week .. but never actually shared it.. I can’t remember why now! ** I need to write.. I want to write but something keeps stopping me. Like I am just scared to let all that is bubbling inside of me out. This weekend was a lot. A lot. It […]

Last week we went to the cemetery for our first picnic, just me and the kids. Jonathan’s request. He asked to skip preschool to go there and I promised right after we picked him up we could go. That seemed to assuage him and the picnic plan made him really happy. On the drive to school […]

The only time I am not crying is when I am with other people. .. With Tony and the kids though I cannot seem to stop the tears. Everything is reminding me of her.. everything is ripping into the wound I keep waiting to start healing. right now I don’t think it ever will. right […]

I miss her today with all of me. I went for a run. It usually clears my head.. gives me space… But not today. I am hurting. I remember so clearly 6 months ago. Calling my sister to tell her to come.. then not come.. then come. I wasn’t sure that we needed her… wasn’t […]
Tony just took the boys out to go shopping for my birthday which is tomorrow. He doesn’t even bother asking what do I want.. we both know you cant buy the one thing I want. The moment I heard the garage door close I came to her room. .. I hear the sounds of the […]
I woke.. just a few minutes before the birthday girl. Those moments alone were so necessary. I went to her and wished her a happy birthday… I tried to steel myself for the onslaught of the day. We waited for the boys to wake up then we went together to see what we had decorated […]
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