4 months

Today I just couldn’t.

I stayed in bed til nearly 4. Luckily my parents had the boys and Tony, my sister and my friend took turns with Charlotte.

We did go through the stack of boxes of medical equipment finally.

Today marks 2 weeks since she died…

tomorrow marks 4 months since her diagnosis…

…and since her 6th birthday.

4 months…

un-real. But so…

real.

*just looked at the dates..tomorrow is the 27th so actually friday the 28th is 4 months I have no concept of days right now*

6th birthday and diagnosis day
6th birthday and diagnosis day

 

42 Responses to “4 months”

  1. I can’t even imagine how horribly unreal all of this is. I learned about Jennifer and your family in December, after a friend had posted a link. I am so thankful that she did, or I never may have heard about your family’s story. I, like so many of us, prayed for a miracle for Jennifer. I laughed, through my tears, as I read about your trip to the beach and prayed for so many more for all of you. I wish I could say that tomorrow will be easier, but every day will be a different challenge. Your family is an amazing testament to who all of us have learned from. Thank you for teaching us to appreciate every single moment and for reminding us to slow down. I wish those lessons had not have come at such a cost to your family and just want you to know how much all of us appreciate your honesty and your love for Jennifer. Tomorrow will be a new and different day and I hope our love will help you face it. Please know that we are by your side, if not physically, in spirit and we will be forever.

    I am sending you hugs, love and prayers.

    Vanessa

  2. Dear Libby, you are not alone, although I doubt that helps much. We continue to pray for you and wish we could care for you in a way that really helps. All our love – the Ridders

  3. Hugs. Big hugs for you. Huge hugs. Love prayers and hugs. Over and over and over. You are so constantly in my thoughts and I’m always sending my love and continued thoughts and prayers.

  4. Libby…I just wanted you to know not an hour gos by that I don’t think of sweet Jennifer or the rest of your beautiful family. Your never alone, and I will be here. I stand next to you in the fight. Please take care of yourself and don’t feel guilty in doing so. You all are so so loved!

  5. I’m so sorry Libby. I don’t know you, but think of you all the time. I always have things I want to say, but then feel I am in no place to do so….I can’t pretend to know how you feel. As a mom though, my heart hurts for you. I think you are incredible….and not moving all day today….it’s ok. I often think of the saying “The only way out is through….” But again, who am I to say anything….you are the amazing one.
    Sending u strength & peace.
    So sorry again.

  6. Sleep and rest…a must for the healing process. You have been on a roller coaster…so many ups and downs. It’s time to coast your way to being able to cope with your loss of sweet Jennifer. I will be with you during your times of strength and weakness. God bless.

  7. I just had this overwhelming need to write you, and so I ferociously wrote and wrote for the last 30 minutes and it literally all just disappeared, not sure what I did. I’m sorry. I have so much I want to say to you, I guess maybe it was meant for a different night.

    You’re always on my mind, and my heart is overflowing with love for your family, all 6 of you, and beyond.

    All my love, always. <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3

  8. Libby

    You are grieving exactly how Libby should be grieving.
    Allow yourself this time your family is amazing and will
    Continue to be there for you and your family.
    You are an amazing mom.

  9. There’s a reason why we’re told to put the airplane oxygen masks first on ourselves, and then our children. That’s what you’re doing now. You are putting on your oxygen mask.

    Remember that.

  10. I can’t believe it’s been 4 months since her birthday. Tons of love, hugs and prayers for you. I think about JLK every day.

  11. I continue to pray for you and your family! I appreciate you being so real. That’s all I got, you and jlk have me speechless.

  12. Still here, reading, wishing you didn’t have to go through this. I feel that sentence is so lame. Wish I could say something enlightening or at least, I don’t know. Something.

    Still sending so much love to you. Supporting you the best way I can, to someone who I’ve never met – but it doesn’t matter. All that matters is that you got through the day, and you will get through today and then tomorrow. One day at a time. Please remember to be patient with yourself and be kind to yourself. You are doing the best you can and to me, you are doing an amazing job.

    “I tell myself that God gave my children many gifts – spirit, beauty, intelligence, the capacity to make friends and to inspire respect. There was only one gift he held back – length of life.” – Rose Kennedy

  13. Sometimes you need that time just for you,just to do nothing.I wanted to say I pray today is better but I know the only thing that would make it better is just to have Jennifer back.Continued prayers

  14. Hugs and prayers to you. Thinking about Jennifer every day. Yesterday I was frustrated And overwhelmed with my kids and the radio played ‘don’t worry be happy’ and I thought of Jennifer.

  15. Libby you’ve had almost no time to wrap your head around this. Since her birthday you’ve really been caught in a tornado of sorts. Planning dr visits and treatment and the apartment and Christmas and wedding and make a wish and then holding Jennifer as she died. Then the funeral. Take some time for yourself when you’re able. Even though you have an amazing family it has taken every ounce of energy you had to Move through these four months. Thank God you have someone around now to help with the kids and the day to day stuff. It isn’t wimping out to want to hibernate sometimes. Sending giant hugs.

  16. Continued love and prayers every day for you and your family. I’m glad you have the support around you to take the time you needed. Everyone grieves differently, and as moms, we often times feel the need to keep doing and going for everyone else and don’t focus on ourselves. You have been doing and going for others for the last 4 months (and I am sure much longer than that!), so yesterday was a day for you.

    My biggest prayer lately, beyond the lifting you up, is for there to be some “good news” (if you can even call it that) about DIPG research and treatment that comes from all of this. Something that allows Jennifer to live on forever in the lives of the doctors and researchers and children who receive treatment. Something to show her greater purpose. I know that doesn’t change the way you feel and never will, but to see the reason in all of this.

  17. Libby its time for you to heal and you need to take as long as you want. I pray for you everyday and think of you and Jennifer all the time, even though we’ve never meet I still think of you both daily.. You probably hear that a lot, but you two have made a difference in a lot of lives.. You will always be in my prayers and Jennifer will never be forgotten as long as we all keep her memories.. I released a pink balloon with gold glitter in it with Jennifer’s name on it and watched it fly so high til I couldn’t see it anymore just to make sure I knew she got it.. tank you for letting me but apart of the Glitter Squad… much love and big hugs

  18. Just simply wanting to write . .YOU are loved! So many prayers are being sent your way, hugs, and LOVE. Like the mother of Ana Grace says . . LOVE wins. Jennifer is with you and my wish is that she visits you in your dreams where you can hug her and spend time with her. Fall back sweetie, because we will be here to catch you.

  19. Never commented before, but always, ALWAYS read and pray! It is not getting any easier for me either and I have never even met her. I love her. How is that? I don’t understand. It is so not fair for her to be gone. I am proud of you for getting out of bed at all- it doesn’t matter the time- just that you did it and if only for a little while- you did it!

  20. She’s so lucky to have you for a mom. You showed her SO much love, and packed so much into the time that you had with her from diagnosis day onward.

    I know you are at the lowest of lows, but there are so many people looking in and hugging their children tighter because you shared your story. Thank you for being so open. Jennifer has blessed so many of us. She’s reminded SO many moms and dads out there to stop in the moment and give their child extra love.

    She was an amazing girl who has taught us all so much. And you are one inspiring mom who has given us the ultimate example to follow.

    I know this is not a story you ever wanted to have to share. But you’ve both helped so many by doing so.

    I can see in your pictures that Jennifer knew how much you loved her. Her head in your lap – she was one with you.

    Sending up prayers.

  21. To echo the sentiment of others, I think of you and your family, and pray for you daily. Sometimes multiple times per day. Words cannot express how very sorry I am that you’re having to go through this. It’s clear through the comments of others, how much it has devastated people who never had the opportunity to meet your sweet girl in person. I just cannot imagine being in your shoes. I am just so very, truly sorry.

  22. Wow, 4 months is not a long time, it feels like she was diagnosed many months before. I think of you and JLK all throughout the day, every day, and I pray for strength for you and your family. xoxo

  23. Your family is constantly in my thoughts and prayers through out the day. I can’t wait to meet Jennifer when I get to heaven. My heart breaks for your loss. I’m so sorry.

  24. We love you Libby. We have so much love for you and your family. I pray for you and your family everyday. I think about Jennifer, You, Tony and your kids every single day. I know you may feel alone, but please know that you are not. I am here for you, we all are. You are in my prayers and in my thoughts every single day. I am so thankful I got to know Jennifer and you through your blog. She was and will continue to be a beautiful amd amzing little girl. Thankyou for sharing her with all of us and thankyou for sharing yourself as well. All my love, thoughts and prayers to you and your family. XoXo, Linda Blundo

  25. I hope Cancer gets fucking Cancer and dies.

    You are stronger than you know, you WILL get through this.
    One day at a time Libby, one day at a time.

    🙂 🙂

  26. Libby, I keep trying to remember what makes it better, and there just isn’t anything. One foot in front of the other or cry it out under the covers. Whatever works for the day or moment, month or year. Feel your feelings and keep the love. Thinking of you, sweet friend.

  27. I remember 4 months ago… I remember reading about JLK’s diagnosis… My son’s birthday is 10/29… I also remember how it scared me, because my son had an episode exactly a year before that when his eyes went crossed for no apparent reason, just woke up that way… our first thought was brain tumor… it was not confirmed and everything went back to normal after a few weeks and it never again happened since… I so wish that JLK’s story would have ended differently;( I think about her every day.

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