best friend

Wow. This just sucks.

I wrote to her dr just now…saying it gets harder and harder every day…I am waiting for the day it gets even just a tiny bit easier…or even just stays the same.

DSC_0150Its so hard on a marriage too. My husband and I are truly best friends. So we are rawest and most exposed with each other, that can be dangerous… We just naturally hold it together more around other people. But for him the anger …me the fear and both of us..the anguish explodes on each other. Frayed nerves taking hold…

The boys were gone for the fist part of the day…and sweet baby Charlotte learned some very juicy new words that Tony and I exchanged while we grappled with our pain as individuals and a couple. But because we are best friends…we got it out…on each other…then with each other.  We just constantly re-write the rules of our relationship.

Randomly after our “colorful discussion” I told him I needed to sit on the snuggle couch where Jennifer and I spent much of her last days here on hospice. I cant explain it…I haven’t been in that room since she died. But I felt a need…almost a compulsion. I collapsed there…and shuddered with pain. My best friend joined me…supported me…grieved with me.

Thats why its so important to work out problems for us…we need each other. So desperately.

The boys came home soon after. We had a great night. I even “cooked” …grilled cheese….but hey its something.  I silently cried while I did it. We remodeled our whole kitchen with her in mind. We did white counters so that when they were all teenagers and the boys went back to eating gluten we could see every crumb. Long before she learned the word cancer she learned celiacs disease…and gluten.

I had promised her when we did the remodel that it was a wholly gluten free kitchen. That her home was 100% safe place for her.

…and tonight I cooked my boys  gluten FULL grilled cheese…and tears fell.

Food..cooking… and shopping. All things that have brought me such joy and so many happy memories. Its now morphed into something that brings so much pain. And I already know it will be a big trigger for me for a long time to come.

I hope they like take out..

But we had a nice evening. Nicholas helped me pick out music for her services…and the kids went to bed.

Then I heard him. My 4yr old crying out. I went to him and touched his wet face. He told me he missed Jennifer. That he was just missing and that he still loved his sister. I’m not even sure what I said to him….but hopefully it helped. We made plans to put 5 pictures of her up in his room.

Jonathans hurt is so deep and he has no control over it.

I at least have my best friend to see me through this heart ache..

But his…

….his is dead.
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76 Responses to “best friend”

    1. Oh I ache for you my dear. I remember so vividly those first few days, months, years. You are raw. A big gaping hole in your heart. Let the tears come, scream, do whatever at that moment you need to do. And know it’s ok to do it. I was told in the beginning you have to “move thru the grief”. I didn’t understand for so long what that meant but now 5 1/2 years later I do. I am sending hugs and prayers to you and your family. My heart just breaks for you. GOD has you in his hands and heart.

  1. My heart goes out to you and your entire family, Libby. The sorrow I feel with Jennifer’s passing I’m sure is nothing compared to what you have had to endure and prepare for these past few months. May you all be blessed with peace, comfort and strength to continue on in honor of Jennifer.

    1. I pray one day your memories can make you smile instead of cry. I am a mother of three children and five Grandchildren and I can’t even imagine what you and your family must be going through. God bless you and and your family.

  2. I keep reading this blog over and over, I feel so sad for you little boy, there are no words. I am so sorry that you are all going thru this.

  3. Bless his heart :(. I’ve been praying for this sweet boy too. Just hearing him crying and being there is comforting. I don’t know that there are perfect words. But God gave him you as his mom and you are perfectly suited to help him through this loss too.

  4. My heart just broke all over again. I can’t even imagine how Jonathan must feel. How any of you must feel, really. I can only compare it to losing my dad, and that still knocks the wind out of me sometimes, almost 4 1/2 years later. Sometimes in a good way, sometimes bad. Grief is such a strange, unpredictable thing.

  5. When I think about Jennifer, my thoughts next go to Jonathan. I am keeping that little guy in my prayers along with you, Tony and the rest of your family. Xoxo

  6. My heart continues to break with all that you and your family are enduring. I don’t think I could be that strong. I really wanted you to know that for all my special family members that have passed…I have planted a rose in their memory. It just helps me a little. Today I planted a pink rose in memory of Jennifer. She (your family) has touched my life. This just felt right to me. Libby I know you have been offered alot of help and support, but I want you to know I am here for you and your family if you need anything. May God bless you and your family through this continuing journey. Always in my prayers

  7. You guys are a strong couple. Strong parents. and you made strong children. They’ll always hold Jennifer Lynn in their hearts along with you. day by day and leaning on each other you’ll move through this difficult path. thinking of you all.

  8. Libby, I have written many responses to your post, but tonight there are no words….just many many tears. My heart physically hurts for you…..

  9. You have the weight of the world on your shoulders: comforting others when you also need comforting. I hope the web of love will continue to bind you all together and provide a thread to follow through these dark days.

  10. Dear Libby,

    About a week ago on the day that Jennifer died, a stamping/ crafting friend of mine posted about your daughter and how she had lost her all too short battle with Cancer (to short because you lost her so quickly) She told your story before kids and after and posted a link to your blog.

    At first I read the most current blog and then I went back about 2 weeks of your blog and yesterday and today I started on the first post and read right through to the end even the ones I had read those first couple of days.

    I am so hugely sorry for you loss – I too and a Mom of 4 and I have always worried that something like cancer might take one of my four away for it seems the more kido’s you have the greater chances that something in life will happen to one of them someway somehow.

    I am an RN but I have stayed home with my kids for years first part time with #1 then only working 1 day a week with #2 then by #3 hardly ever working and by #4 I was finally a full time stay at home Mom and have not worked a day outside of the house in her 3 little years. So many of the things you posted about Jennifer’s journey are very familiar to me through my many years working as an RN either on a Cancer Floor for kids, or in the OR on the open heart team as well and finally my years on Labor and Delivery.

    I can’t even begin to imagine the pain you are going through I lost my Daddy in a very tragic way when I was 13 and that seemed like the hardest thing I would ever go through but I truly believe the loss of a child has to be the hardest death a person will ever have to deal with!!

    I am so very sorry for you loss and so very sorry how it has hit you since she died, but you don’t ever feel like your inner most feelings are wrong or should be different even if it takes you “longer” than people think it should take you to heal how the heck do people think a parent get over the death of a child.

    Oh Libby my heart just shatters for you too I just don’t know how you get past all of this in any short amount of time you were cheated out of so much and had such a hard time even getting her. I am broken hearted for you!!!

    I do want you to know I have shared this blog with many Mom’s in hopes that they will read this and be convicted to treasure every moment to be the Mom that jumps in the bathtub fully clothed to cherish every moment your Jennifer and my Son Tucker were in the same stage of life this year so listening to her story and her age made me think of him and how he is 6 and started Kindergarten this year.

    I have always from day #1 tried to cherish every moment and to treasure every little thing they do because it is all so fleeting and then they are gone – either gone to be with their heavenly father or gone because they grew up in what really was the blink of an eye.

    My 4 are older than your 4 we have an 11yr Girl, a 9 yr Girl, a 6 year Boy and a 3 year Girl. It about killed me to send my 3rd one off to school this year to know I only and for the first time in my 11.5 years of life have just one home with me and now I only have 2.5 more years and she will be gone all day too.

    Please know that your writing and your raw openness of your feelings and story have a purpose – your writing will save other families and help them to stop and treasure every second they have please don’t ever stop sharing your insights and feelings and fears and sorrows I promise you that you are touching and helping so many through your words!!!

    Heather Schlatter
    Hutchinson KS

  11. I am so grateful that you and Tony have each other. I hate that you have to go through this and wish there had been a miracle for Jennifer. You both will be there for Jonathan and I think it is wonderful that you are letting him pick out pictures of his sister for his room. She will forever be watching over him and he will remember how much they loved each other. I’m so sorry that you all are having to find your way through this without her and continue to send you love and prayers.

  12. I’m so, so, so sorry. I hurt for you and for your husband and your children who are desperately too young to deal with such an epic loss. The picture of your son and daughter in their super hero costumes just broke me. My son and daughter have the same ones wear them all the time. It’s just too much.
    All I can do it pray that you and your family feel God’s immense peace and strength.
    And I hope this suggestion isn’t out of line, but I read once that a mother hung photo enlargements of her fallen husband on the bottom of the wall so her young children could sit right up next to them and remember their father. Maybe that is an idea for your children?

  13. So many times I start to write but then erase because I feel that no words will provide comfort. Your words are so powerful though. Thank you for sharing with us. I constantly think of you and your family. You are always in my prayers. I do not know you but I have cried so many tears for you and your family.

  14. Continuing to think of you and your family. I wish I had some wonderful insights or words of wisdom to share. I do not. I do, however, think of you often when I go about my day; checking your blogs daily. Thanking you again for sharing such intimate details of the struggle all of you are going through. Sending love and support.

  15. I don’t have any words or advice. I sob when I read about the pain and heartbreak and mine breaks too. I wish it all were so different.

  16. I could never really fully feel what you are going through but believe me when I say my heart is breaking for you all- Jennifer is free- at least she does not have to go through this part. It’s not fair the rest of you do. Still praying for you… Always. Sending so much love.

  17. Again, sending you virtual hugs and love. I wish I could do more. If I could make one suggestion, just from my own experience….counseling. Individually. Together. For as long as it takes.

    Love,
    Diana

  18. Oh Libby, this breaks my heart. The fact you and Tony are aware that you are at your best and worst together is so positive. You both need to be able to explode and lean on each other… it’s part of this awful process.

    As for Jonathan, have faith in your mommy-skills. You are what he needs right now. He is letting you know how he feels and you are able to sit with him and be there for him.

    Many prayers
    Jill

  19. So glad that you were able to have a great night with your husband, boys and the baby. Grilled cheese may not be able to save the world, but you can’t beat it as a comfort food. Wishing you and your family many comforts.

  20. Each time I go by your home I say a prayer of peace to fill each room of your home. One time, I envisioned angels around your home, hovering over peacefully with heads bowed and arms enfolded with each other. They share your ultimate sorrow. In His Love, my husband, Dan, and I will continue to pray for all of you. Be assured that you are being held in His arms even though it doesn’t always feel like it. I was a school teacher here in Gilroy at Luigi Aprea. I am retired now but still sub at Luigi and tutor some students from there. If your children ever need tutoring because of missed lessons, I will gladly volunteer to help out. I know that they are still young, but if I can help in any way………please call. Also, if you would like a night out with your husband, I can walk down to your house and take care of the children. Maybe I could come and visit with them, with you there, so that they might get to know me and wouldn’t feel that I was a stranger coming in to take care of them. My telephone number is 847-2782. I have a list of references if you need them. Blessings of comfort and Love, Carol Powell.

    1. That’s lovely Carol 🙂

      Love and hugs dear Libby and family and may I suggest ‘one day at a time’.
      Friday morning here in New Zealand,lit a candle and said a wee prayer for JLK while I was having breakfast-even from the other side of the world your story has touched people and you are so loved. xxoo

  21. Dearest Libby,
    Keep fighting, keep loving, keep cursing, keep hugging your best friend. Be human but remember to be patient with JLK’s best friend and remember his pain is real and unexplainable. He lost his best friend, you still have yours. Love and prayers to you all.

  22. Oh Libby,
    I am so deeply sorry for all your pain and sorrow. I wish that you could have her back! I wish there were something I can do for your family during this time, especially this time. I don’t even know you guys but my heart is breaking for all of you, especially your children. It’s really good that your son could express his love for his sister. She will always be his sister, his best friend, his angel watching over him, and all of you. May God be with you and grant you some kind of peace and comfort during this most painful time.Sending lots of love and hugs to your family!

  23. Libby, I have faithfully read all of your blogs. They have all been incredibly raw, touching and painful. This one, this one hit me hard. I feel so much sadness for Jonathan and for the others. But, Jonathan and Jennifer’s relationship reminds me of my own 2 close babies..and that is too real. I’m so sorry. My prayers to all of you, a special one for Jonathan too. Hugs.

  24. Hold tight to each other……you are both doing so well…just getting out of bed each day is an accomplishment! Lifting you in prayer!

  25. I am just so, so, so sorry. Sending huge hugs to little Jonathan, and to you all. “Not fair” doesn’t even begin to cover it.

  26. I read your blogs everyday but for a few days I could not write anything because there are no words and I know that no matter what is written your hurt is there and will be there always. Today I cried because to think of that poor little boy having to experience that pain so young hurts me so bad. Johnathan will be in my prayers along with you and Tony. Hold each other and be strong you need each other because you have both gone through a terrible loss and the only comfort you have is each other. I wish I could take some of your pain away but I can not so I will continue to pray for comfort and strength and ask God to carry Johnathan through all this along with you and Tony. In foot prints a man asks Jesus “why in his hardest times did he only see one set of footprints and God said it because during your hardest times that I carried you”. Believe it or not He is carrying you and He will continue to do that.

  27. I keep reading and reading your blogs, there are no words, no words that any one of us can say to help you feel better. I know that for the rest of your life you will ALWAYS have that hurt in your heart, and that makes me more sad than anything. Because despite it all, life still does go on, there’s no stopping it. Even through all of its happy times, birthdays, holidays, vacations, I can see you smiling, but your smile will never be the same and you will never truly embrace all those moments. For that I am so sorry. I know this because I saw it in my mother in law when she lost her daughter, 10 years she lived with that hurt in her heart and I could always see it in her eyes. Wondering and picturing all of our lives with her daughter still in it. I truly hope that time eases your pain and know that we are all cheering and praying for you!

    May God Bless you today and always.

  28. My friends’ children at their daughter’s celebration sent up helium balloons with notes in them for Hailey. I think they do it every year. My friends journal is on caringbridge–Hailey Ann (Rockstar). Maybe her words would provide some comfort. I’m so sorry. Praying for all of you.

  29. He has you. Lucky to have a mom like you. One who truly tries to empathize and understand his little mind and heart. Yeah, he is lucky he has you.

  30. I am a mother of a 3 and 5yr old. I Live on yorktown. I didn’t realize you lived on my street till I saw snow on your driveway. I’ve only known about you and your family for two weeks. and Every day since I have been following your blog. Every day my heartbreaks. I think about you everyday. everyday i pass by your house i try to send comfort and love to you and your family. Even though we’ve never met, I feel like I know you. Thank you for sharing your story. For being so real.and letting yourself be. sending love and comfort to you all and your little man jonathan.

  31. My son and I say a little prayer for you and Jennifer every night, we will now pray for little Jonathan as well. Always thinking of you, and send you love and support from afar.
    Tomorrow may be your hardest day, please know you have so much love and support surrounding you. I love the idea above of sending balloons with notes up to Jennifer, I know she will catch ALL of them.
    xoxoxoxo

  32. Rail at each other, but hold each other as well. I am thankful that Jonathan has the ability to share his feelings with you, and that you are able to bring him some comfort.

    Maybe take out will be part of your new normal, and that’s ok. You aren’t supposed to be supermom right now. Just be- and know you have so many people praying for you all and thinking of you all. I know words can’t change your feelings or even bring comfort, but we are all lifting you up and remembering her.

    I will never look at glitter the same way again, and I will never stop fighting. Thank you, and JLK, for that.

  33. Every time I read your blog my heart just aches for your family!! No one I mean no one should have to go through the pain your family going through!! I pray every day that this will ease with time but how the heck do you get use to your family going on when one piece is missing?? I will continue to pray for strength faith hope you have shown all of us that you already have the love!! Jennifer is looking down on you all knowing that she had the most perfect family even if it was for just 6 years!! Libby please know that all of us readers are here for you even if we don’t know you personally!!! We all see and love Jennifer through your eyes!! Be proud of yourself!! ((((Hugs))))

  34. That post just grabbed me by the throat. I am so very sorry for the loss of your beautiful girl. I will pray for peace and comfort for your family. I only wish there was more that any or all of us could do for you and your family to help you.

  35. Just another stranger who has stumbled across your blog and Facebook page and wishes so much that you and your family were not going through this. I don’t have any words of wisdom or advice for getting through this heartbreak. All I can say is that we won’t forget. Those of us who have read your blog and cried along with you, we will think of your sweet girl every time we hear the “Brave” and “Roar” songs you’ve spoken of and see glittery girly princess things. We will follow your example and hold our little ones tighter, dance and be silly even when people are staring, and always remember that a beautiful brown-eyed girl named JLK graced this world and left a trail of stardust behind her.

    1. Christine that was a beautiful comment for Libby. So true and so perfectly said.
      Libby it is now Sunday, 2 days since Jennifer’s celebration of life. You haven’t posted and that is understandable but don’t forget we are all still here sending you love, support, strength, whatever we can give to help you. I still find myself thinking of Jennifer daily, hoping she is sending her mommy some kind of message that she is where she needs to be, happy and free from any hurt or pain, being 6. Love to you Libby, I wish I could do more.

  36. So, I’m sitting at my desk in tears. My students must think I’m insane. I’m not, but I’m not far from it!

    Grieving is tough. It’s hard when the people you love the most are grieving with you. Just be gentle with yourselves and one another. Those crappy feelings have to be felt to work through them. If they get stuffed away, then we eventually explode (which is not good by the way!).

    You are loved. My thoughts, prayers, and love will be sitting with you in spirit tomorrow. Praying that the love shown by others presence brings you all strength.

  37. Feel so sad for your boys and the pain they are going through.I think putting the pictures up in his room is a good idea then she’ll always be right there with him.From experience it seemed to me like days got harder until they got easier.It is just going to take a lot of time.It is hard at such a devastating time to feel enjoyment in anything,but it will slowly come back.Continued prayers for you and your family.

  38. This one is the one I connect to. How do you explain to a little boy that his sister is never coming home? How do you hold him and love him and be strong for him when you are shattered. You and Jonathan need each other now more than ever before. I think holding him on the snuggle couch, remembering Jennifer together will help you to feel closer to your daughter and help in healing your son. Of course it is just an idea. I am sorry Libby I am sure anybody who reads your blog would gladly give their life to bring your little girl back. Just hold Jonathan close to your broken heart and love him, we’re parents we don’t always do the right thing, or say the right thing, but we are always right there.

  39. I have no good words to offer as it is not fair. No one can replace Jennifer for any of you, but luckily Jonathan does have such wonderful support from you, Tony, and his other siblings and relatives. Your post today made me think of another family on the East Coast (a friend of a friend) who lost their five year old daughter Brooke in September to DIPG. She too was her older brother’s best friend and her younger sister was too young (2 yrs) to really understand what was happening. Just yesterday her mom gave birth to a little boy(her fourth child) and his middle name is in honor of Brooke. If at some point you want another family to connect with that’s about six months ahead of you, I’m sure they would be open to it. Their daughter’s website is BrookeHealey.com and they just started a foundation for her to help with research towards childhood cancer, especially DIPG.

    I wish there was more I could say or do.

  40. My heart continues to break for your family (and it keeps sending all the good prayers, vibes, and thoughts it can). When the kids are old enough I can’t recommend Camp Okizu enough. It won’t replace their sister, but it can be a great place to find support, strength, and keep her memory alive.

  41. Thank you for sharing this raw and intimate experience of grief between you and your husband. I get it, I totally get it. You have no idea how many different ways, and how many lives your blog has touched. This is not just death we see, it is life, life that so many people take for granted, life that so many people complain about, and life that I will never complain about ever again, only embrace. Thank you Libby. Love and light to you always.

  42. My heart hurts so much for your family. Ive been thinking and praying over you all week. I am so grateful that you and you husband have each other but you are right, Jonathans best friend isnt here. The confusion and hurt he must be feeling just crushes me. My hubby and I too are best friends. As our our two kids 18 mo apart. My son looks to sissy as his world and my daughter counts on him needing her. I cannot fathom trying to explain why one of them wasnt here anymore. Hugs and prayers and so much love from our family to yours, esp with tomorrow.

  43. My heart breaks for little Jonathan and the rest of you. This post was especially hard to read because my kids are the same age. And my 6 year old daughter is everything to her brothers. I remember when you wrote about Jennifer being a little mommy to the boys, the best friend, the helper, the cheerleader of their milestones. She was such a great sister and daughter to have. I’m sure Jonathan will always remember her as an amazing big sister. I love the idea of putting up pictures of her in his room.

  44. I pray for your little boy that someday he can find peace in his heart. I truly belive that god made you his mother because god knows somehow someway you will find the strength to help him through this as well as your family

  45. I am thinking of you as you head into tomorrow. I am praying for God to give you strength and comfort to get through tomorrow. I am in Az but I WILL be there in spirit and in constant prayers and thoughts!

  46. I’m sitting here watching the Olympics and there is a mom whose daughter was an important part of bringing one of the new sports to the Olympics… Her daughter passed away in January ’12. She said something that resonated with me and I felt I needed to share.

    “If you had asked me before I lost her, I would have said the worst thing that could have ever happened to me was to lose Sarah, but the worst thing would have been never having her in my life to begin with.

    So I’ll focus on the joyful happy times, because they were a gift, even if it was just for a little while.”

    I rewound it, listened again, and felt I had to share it with you.

    Although I’ve been been praying for your family for months, tonight is the first time I’ve posted. I pray that tomorrow goes smoothly for all of you.

    1. Amen ♥♥ This sounds like something Libby would say & I really love the sentiment!

      ((HUGS))

      I will also NEVER look at glitter the same way again. I so appreciate your sharing everything with us Libby. I think you are an incredible mom & so insightful, you will help your kids heal (or at least deal).

  47. Libby, I want you to know that you–by sharing your story in the way that you have–have changed my life; that your writing has made my heart soar, as well as break; that your fierce love for your daughter has made me fiercer in loving mine; that your incomparable pain has kicked me (and countless others) in the ass to fight for more funding for pediatric cancer research; that I treasure, beyond words, every moment I have with my children. But tonight, the sixth anniversary of my sister’s death and the evening before your dear Jennifer’s service, I most want you to know that we are here…hundreds, thousands, of us…total strangers to you and your family, but a collective nonetheless, united in our caring and respect and our fury for what you are going through. Please know that we are not going to disappear after tomorrow. Please let us share your grief so that it might take even the smallest weight off your shoulders. And please don’t stop writing.

  48. I ache for Jonathan. I see my boys, who are very close in age to your Jennifer and Jonathan, and I cannot imagine that bond breaking so tragically. I don’t even want to think about the way it would shatter my youngest; and here you are, dealing with your pain, and his. I am so very sorry.

    I baked today. About a million cookies. I promised I’d make a couple hundred for the service tomorrow, and I literally could not stop baking. I think I was zoned in my sorrows for your family, and feeling so helpless, I just kept baking. You’re going to have a gazillion cookies tomorrow. But I’m sure it still will not be enough- I know people will flood in their support. You have touched so many. Jennifer has touched so many. You both have touched me so deeply, and I am moved to help in any way that I can, or that I am asked, even though we know each other so very little. I am committed to your efforts in working in Jennifer’s name.

    I bought a special shirt for tomorrow. However casual, it was inspired by Jennifer, and that shirt will forever be my Jennifer shirt. Please know, that through your suffering, you have been able to shed so much light on your experience, your journey, parenting and loving in general; and so many will forever be affected by it. Including me and my family. We are forever changed; I am just so incredibly sorry and sad that it had to change your life so tragically. All my love is with you and your family right now.

  49. Lots of prayers, strength, love and hugs to you and your family today. I’m sure Jennifer’s service will be as beautiful as she was. God Bless.

  50. No words for this blog. My heart aches for your family. Like many strangers who have come to “know you” through your writing, and your journey. I saw a sign today over the 101 freeway heading toward San Jose, that said “Love4JLK” I hope you were able to see it. I have a feeling that many people are going to come and celebrate J’s life with you, on this day. Please know that are people in other towns, states and countries praying for peace and blessings for your family. J has touched a lot of lives in her 6 years here on this earth. She has taught me…”Be humble, Be generous, Be kind, and most of all LOVE”

  51. I’m so sorry for your loss. My heart aches for your family as I read your blog. I wanted to offer another blog to you, it is another mother who went through this with her daughter three years ago. As I briefly read through that blog again, I realized that today marks 3 years since her daughter passed away from DIPG right before her 6th birthday. Her mommy, Rosie is a friend of a friend, I don’t know them personally. But I thought maybe you would like to get in touch with her. She also lives in California. Knowing another mother who went through this recently might be healing for both of you. I’m sure Jennifer and Nina have found each other in heaven and have formed a beautiful friendship. Sending prayers and strength.
    http://prayingfornina.blogspot.com/

  52. I cry every time I read your posts. My heart aches for your family and this horrendous loss of your child. I pray for strength and healing for your family!! Like so many of your readers we have dived into your life through your blog and feel some of the joy and pain you have felt and are feeling with this journey and cross you are bearing. No words will heal your incredible and so real pain you received from this tragedy. Your Jennifer is without pain…she has insurmountable amount of energy now … she can eat whatever she wants and not throw it up…she can climb, jump rope, swim, go on roller coasters and not feel ill, cold or tired. She is at peace and happy! She would want the same for you and your family. God bless. Anita

  53. Every time I read your posts it brings me back to the time immediately after my little boy’s death. So raw, painful, debilitating, I can’t believe I am still here ten years later. But, let me give you some hope. You will endure. You will go on. You will even be happy, again. It just takes time. My daughter was three and a half when her brother, her best friend, died. Please don’t forget about your son’s grief. I, naively, believed she was too young to “get it”, but she was mourning in her own way. I will continue praying for you and your family. Don’t forget, your daughter is praying for you, too.

  54. Holding your family in my thoughts…and feeling a renewed commitment to do my best to cherish every day, every moment, with my two children. Is there some way we can send anonymous, small gifts to your sons, to help them feel the love in the world being sent their way… and to maybe help them believe in angels?

  55. My mom was four when her six year old brother died unexpectedly. How your son is dealing with his grief made me think of how my mom described how she felt. After David died my mom did not really understand so she decided to take his favorite toy to church and leave it in the confessional so that it would get to heaven. He has always held such an important place in her life. She has always pictured him as her guardian angel. My brother is named after him! She will live on through all of you.

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