Halloween

6 years ago this was her due date. I thought that wait for her to be born into my arms would be the hardest time of our lives… I got to take the boys on Jonathan’s school field trip. We had a great time and I am glad I got to take them and spend some time with my fellas. Tony and Jennifer had a dance party and went to his work. JLK was given a huge basket which she was so excited about and lovingly shared the contents with her brothers. They also went to “spider park” and shared a picnic together. I had forgotten that our contractor’s son attends the same preschool as Jonathan.. on a different days though…When I saw her I couldn’t help it I just started crying…Ok let me back this story up. We finally bit the bullet a few weeks ago and picked a contractor or our kitchen remodel and bought all of the materials…Then this happened. I actually called Dave from the hospital and told him very quickly the situation and that I needed him to get to my house and put the key under the mat. And that the project was on hold. We decided to try to go forward and ask him to please let us do a payment plan, I just hadn’t gotten around to contacting him. Last night I got home and had a package of GF goodies (what they had for their picnic actually) and a card. When I opened the card I was overwhelmed… Dave and his wife…Jennifer…were the ones that gave us the card and in it they wrote that the remainder of the cost of the kitchen was their gift to us. When I saw Jen today and cried with her all she said was say nothing this is between us and God…and she truly meant it. But I cant allow that. I need to share what amazing people they are and hope that anybody reading this in the Bay Area looking to get work done with call Dave. Here is their info Dave Langdon FINISH LINE DESIGN (408) 612-2968. I know this is truly a gift of love from their hearts and I hope it comes back to them tenfold. But back to Halloween.

Today was hard for us. The house is a mess…we can’t seem to keep on top of all of it. We are trying so hard to spend our time with the kids 100% when they are awake. And when they are asleep we are prepping for the next day or trying to catch up with emails and for me…this site. It helps me to “talk” to everybody and nobody all at once. Both of us were feeling so full and

Me and my Minnie Mouse!
Me and my Minnie Mouse!

like we weren’t making a dent in what we needed to get done…and it sucked. It just wasn’t a happy few hours after field trips and picnics. I thought when this started we would be such better parents…we wouldn’t yell or get frustrated…we wouldn’t worry about toys being all over the house and certainly wouldn’t let crying and whining get to us. But today wasn’t like that.. today was all wrong…and it just sucked. But we pulled it together Tony and I hugged for quite a while and got in the car (right at the time we were supposed to be there) and headed to my sisters in San Jose.

What a great night. It’s so easy to forget she is sick because she pretty much looks fine. But she’s not…I notice the turn in her head to be able to see and it reminds me that something is hurting our little girl and I can’t stop it. All the kids had fun and good manners as we walked door to door. I enjoyed just getting to watch her enjoy the night. My nephews and little brother were in charge of our boys so I could focus more on JLK. Back at my sisters all the kids dump out their bags. Jennifer had taken a spill and Tony took her back a little before the rest of us got back. She was sitting with her bag dumbed putting all her candy into piles…Not ones like everybody else though. A good candy and bad candy pile. I was so proud of her for taking charge of her own health and not complaining about it. Just doing it. I thought celiacs was so hard! Some of the bigger kids were going out again and to look at the haunted house. JLK wanted to go and my sister in law said she could keep Charlotte. I so rarely get moments with Jennifer without Charlotte so this was well appreciated. By Jennifer too. I carried her most of the time. Uncles and cousins offered to carry her but she just wanted me…and oh how I loved it. Feeling her arms and legs wrapped around me…my arms burned…I wanted to put her down but I thought if I carry her and just push through this pain maybe God will see how desperately I want her with me. That I will do anything to keep her with me. I know it doesn’t work that way…but it’s what I thought. She was singing silly songs and laughing and joking around. Then she would hop down and go with her cousin to look at the decorations…always running back into my arms. I didn’t have a camera to record any of it…which for this moment was perfect since I just got to be in the moment. Cold and dark night but hugging and laughter….Memories…My memories I will keep with me of this day. And I hope all my children do the same. They remember the good times of today and forgive my failings… I will soon go to bed and walk away from the mess and disorder of the house to lay with her because that’s one thing that always feels right.

JLK was minnie mouse!
JLK was minnie mouse!

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