Tag: thanksgiving child loss

a mothers love..

Thanksgiving. A day meant to be full of gratitude and food and family.. But see its that last part  that really ruins all the rest of it.. Because my family is incomplete. There is a empty seat at the table..   I guess I imagined by year 3 I would be grown a thicker skin against it.. An emotional callus. But I haven’t. And somehow this year I feel so much lonelier with it. Like its not supposed to be this way and I am doing something wrong. Like I am not allowed to or supposed to miss Jennifer so much. But I do. No more. But also no less than I did the very first year. .. The thing that’s changed is the intensity of it. Because year one I was accustomed to the daily onslaught of the pain of her absence. Now. Now I get respite from it.[…]

i miss her. jennifer

I am exhausted. In counseling we talked about how I have simply felt too busy to grieve. Then I am so scared to allow myself to go there… because it will consume me.. And I worry I won’t recover from it well enough to get the things done that I need to. I love being part of Unravel. I love everything I get to do within it.. But I am exhausted.. and I realized today I think its stuffing down that grief that is doing it to me. A bone tired weariness. I miss her. Jennifer. So much. I yearn for her right now. To just hear her voice. To feel her touch. I miss her. Jennifer.  Being around people I try to be the old me. Silly and funny… Not the woman nobody wants to invite to a birthday party. The one that goes off to feed her baby[…]