Tag: parenting and grief

mom struggles

I am trying. Trying to be a better mom. Trying to concentrate on them.. Trying to remember the mom I used to be and bring that back to life.. at least a little bit. Jennifer got some of the best of me .. and I am scared she took it with her.. It started on Halloween.. Jonathan was sick so he stayed home with Tony and I took the others trick or treating (almost all of us got sick after that so big sorry to anybody we shared germs with!) It was the first holiday or should be hard day that wasn’t hard. Because it wasn’t just one missing .. it was two. And my mind. My heart were easily convinced that they were both at home.. Waiting and playing with their Daddy.   And the carefree I felt. The absence of that heavy grief.. it was nice. It was empowering.. And[…]

flawed but whole

I have these positive posts planned. These things I want to write about laid out in my head and I get excited for it. Excited to explore different avenues of myself and my thoughts and my heart in the way that blogging allows me to. But.. my body seems to know. I write a lot now on Thursdays. My Mom watches 3 of the bigger kids .. will it be like that for the rest of my life.. will I forever stumble over how to refer to my kids. 3 bigger,  the kids,  the girls,  .. its a constant and subtle stab.. one is missing one is missing.. So my parents have them on Thursdays. Its my work day. I try to fill the day with all things Unravel.. and at night we go to counseling. Somewhere along the line I started writing while Bridgette slept. And now its part of[…]