Tag: family struggles

rear view mirror

I don’t want to write tonight.. I don’t want to go there.. here. To remember where I was 4 months ago tonight. Steeling myself for the something so strong .. it dissolves steel. It started to hit this morning.. driving to a friends house I cried silent.. tears… but since then I have run from the truth that haunts me .. I cried angry tears and sad tears.. Relay for life is soon to happen in my town. Driving I saw the purple ribbons everywhere.. I wish I had no connection to it…I wish it didn’t impact me like it does. It made me feel stupid looking at them. . How I had been tricked into thinking that the money raised was for all cancers.. pediatric and adult when in reality it is unproprtionaly split towards adult cancer. 1 cent of every dollar goes towards pediatrics (PAC2) A worthy organization[…]

slap

Words take on new meaning..thoughts can sometimes slap me in the face. Tony is out with a friend tonight. The boys are pretty much refusing to go to sleep. But now behaving well enough so I am blogging. A little bit ago though Nicholas was pushing it. My first thought was to jokingly text Tony that he might come home to one less kid.. …SLAP. Did I really just think that?? Sitting down now to write it was too much. I walked back to them and just kissed them each and said I love you…go to sleep. That thought I am sure is a fairly normal one. But a perfect example of how we have been stripped of our usual day to day. Same thing with relationships. The death of our daughter and strained and changed every relationship. I write a lot about it in regards to our family. The[…]